Found out husband cheating after moving abroadroad f

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I've just moved abroad for my husbands job and our 3 kids.

I've found out tonight he has been cheating on me.

What do I do.

He started the relationship a month before we left apparently.

My Mum and Dad died 3 weeks apart 18 months ago and I'm still I a really bad place. I don't think I can go on.

Don’t say anything yet.

Get the passports back, plan a trip home to see family, for Christmas - any excuse.

Then leave the horrible, heartless bastard. I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents x

*Is he military

my kingdom for an edit option

You need to have his permission to move the kids back to the U.K., and if you don't need that permission because of the timeframe, you absolutely need legal advice confirm that. This is a lm international family law practice in Munich. They work in English. se-legal.de/schlun-elseven-lawyers/family-law-germany/divorce/international-divorce-german-family-lawyer/?lang=en.

OP I am not recommending this practice, I'm just posting it because I had a free five minutes and know what it's like to be abroad and in a shit situation.

What is most important now is that you know your legal rights. I cannot stress this enough. If this lawyer isn't for you, use the terms on the page to search for another. Mumsnet cannot advice you properly as international laws are now involved and due to Brexit things are a bit more complicated than before. If you're a military family, however, then that's different.

What's certain though is that you need to move fast. The more the children reside in Germany, the more it is considered their habitual residence.

I'm so sorry he's done this. There aren't really enough words to describe the type of shit he is. Please, though, allow yourself to feel shit, but also allow yourself some power here. The shortcut is to know your rights, all of them, in detail, whether military or civilian. You have options, fight for yourself, alongside feeling utterly blindsided and betrayed to a degree most of us can't imagine.

Hi op. What do you want to do? Do his parents know that he has been cheating?

You need professional advice and luckily it is still only a few months so hopefully you will be able to go back.

Or do you want to stay in Germany for a few years? Do you work etc?

Go in and visit him and work and grab them. Tell them that you refuse to sign a damn thing thanks to his infidelity and you expect to be funded to return home and raise your family in a manner to which you are accustomed or you will embarrass the hell out of him.

l'm from UK and have lived near Munich for many years. I've never had a problem taking my children or my grandchildren out of the country - admittedly they weren't small at the time . I had a UK passport and they had German ones.

SIT tight.

Pretend you don't know.

Take the kids back to the UK for Christmas.

The rest you know what to do.

Go back to the UK for an early christmas.

Is he cheating with a woman in Germany or a woman in the UK?

I agree with the 'holiday for the kids' suggestion.

I’m so sorry, this is so shit for you. And the children.
Does he know you know? What do you want to do? As in stay in Germany or return to England? Must be such a shock for you you poor love

I'm so sorry OP. You definitely need to bide your time on this one. Get those passports back asap. Agree with the suggestions of a Christmas trip back to the UK but make sure you know the ins and outs of it legally.

If he's military or civil servant it's fairly easy to get you and the kids back to the UK. If he refused to give the passports you can get emergency documents from the consulate, however if its MOD related then it wouldn't come to that as his management would step in.

I used to travel solo frequently from Germany with the kids no problem, the only time I was questioned was when I'd just married and my eldests surname was still my Maiden name but I had all the certificates.

If he doesn’t know that you know, use this time wisely. Take photos of all evidence and begin to understand your finances such as pensions, mortgages etc. I hate to say it but you might be surprised what else you find out.

He's cheating on you with someone where you've moved too??

Is the affair partner in Germany or the UK?

Get legal advice but I agree that if you come home for Xmas there is a good chance he can't make you return

OP, I got screwed in a French divorce as there's no pension sharing. Even if, down the line, you are ordinarily and tax-resident in Germany you retain your domicile of origin in the UK. This means you have the right to divorce in the UK if that is better financially for you. From what I remember there's a UK firm called Terry that can give advice as to which jurisdiction would be better for you.
France has now moved to no fault divorce, no longer any financial penalty for the 'guilty' party. Germany may be the same.

Just checked, it is Terry, their site is www.terry.uk

Good luck

If you haven’t signed the residents permit documents the you absolutely CAN return. Do it now.

This is so not true.

OP Please take note, much of the info here is absolutely untrue. You simply cannot get on a plane and move back home with your kids. You just can't. You can then be arrested for kidnap/abduction and forcibly returned to Germany. You need specialised, international legal advice ASAP.

Omg that is just horrible. What a piece of shit this man is!!! apparently its common (well for arseholes) to look elsewhere when the current partner is grieving or going through a terrible time. I would come home I'd be on the next flight you need your support network, you need to get away from him. With such young children too!! mine did it when my DD was 2 and that was bad enough with just one child.

Does he know you know?
If not, keep your powder dry, get legal advice - beg/borrow/steal to pay for it if you have to as it could be the most important advice of your life. Do not make any assumptions eg that logic applies, that you can just move home with your kids.

OP I've been thinking about you today.

There's so much well-meaning advice here, but some of it isn't correct. I don't know what is correct exactly, because I haven't studied German law. I do know that if you get it wrong re leaving the country with the kids when you shouldn't, that things can go from very bad to even worse.

Please get legal advice for your situation from international family lawyers in Germany. It's so important.

He's a shit of the most exponential possible.

Please also don't feel you have to stay and forgive him - this is truly unforgivable.

Get the passports back. Can you afford to go home with the dc?

They met 6 weeks or so before we moved:(