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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help- harsh separation, 2yo involved

54 replies

BlueBritish · 14/11/2022 23:56

Hi all,
Ive made the decision to leave my partner and it’s ended on a very bad not. We have a 2yo who I look after more off the week then he does as he works 5 days a week. As a bit of background we have a mortgage together, both our names are on it. I don’t pay anything towards the mortgage as my partner has a decently paid job and we made a joint decision that I drop to 2 days a week at work as he works long and lots of hours. I really would like him to leave the house, even if it’s for a bit whilst we get sorted. I’ve asked him to leave but he keeps getting very cocky in saying that he pays for everything etc and if anyone should leave it should be me. I can’t leave as I have no where else to go, he has his dads to go to or his mums and I have nowhere, I don’t want to take my daughter out of the house when this is where she lives.
I know it sounds pathetic but I’m sat sobbing as I write this, I feel trapped and stuck and I really don’t want to be around him at the minute. Please somebody help me

OP posts:

username8888 · 19/11/2022 14:16

All the anger, disgust and upset about who did what, is irrelevant in the law. You cannot ask him to leave his own home and expect him to do it. He clearly won't, so don't waste energy expecting it. All you can do is move to a separate room, start looking at childcare, jobs, and alternate housing. Get the house valued by an estate agent so that you know how much equity you will get 50% of. His pension, savings in his name and so on have nothing to do with you. Equally credit card debts in his name have nothing to do with you, and neither does yours, him. What you each paid for and can prove belongs to each of you. He will have to pay CMaintenance and thats it.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 19/11/2022 15:02

Do you have any family or friends to go see for a day or two at Christmas? Christmasses in the future will be shared in terms of your DD, so this will be a chance to practise: decide when you will be responsible for her and when he will (days off work, I suppose). Present him with a suggestion of those times if it's not something you can discuss together right now. And make time for yourself when he is with DD. It's horrible, this time - but look after yourself so you can look after your daughter.

DosCervezas · 19/11/2022 15:57

urbanbuddha · 19/11/2022 14:15

Some good old Victorian responses on this thread.

If both your names are on the mortgage you both own the house, either as tenants in common or joint tenants. His contributions have been financial, you contributed childcare and home management.

Phone Gingerbread’s helpline for advice. It can take a while to get through as they are busy. They also have a webchat.

Stay calm, chin up, grey rock any antagonism, and explore options for mediation.

The house is mortgaged and the repayments are too much for OP to continue on her own.

They don't own the house until the mortgage is paid off. What she will have is some equity in the house which should be 50% of the total for the reasons you give.

oldbrownjug · 19/11/2022 16:25

She may not own 50% of the equity in the house. It depends on what was set up at the time of purchase.
If I were her DP I wouldn't leave my home either just because OP decided she didn't want to be with him any more.

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