Please help I’m at a loss and stuck

[Duckinghell80]

a very long story short.
My husband is having an affair (found proof and he’s admitted it)
We have two children (6&9)
I want a divorce, he doesn’t. He says we can work it out but I don’t want to. I need to start afresh with the children. I have a supportive family and friends.
we own a house together which is on the market and we’ve had a handful of semi decent offers which I have not accepted. I’ve been looking for other houses. I’m also thinking about starting divorce proceedings but I haven’t began anything yet. I only work part time in a poorly paid job but I have quite a lot of savings (that he doesn’t know about) I’ve always saved, it’s just how I was brought up and my parents always told me to have a safety net of money.
amyway I’ve seen a lovely little house just out of town near my parents that would be ideal. It’s been on the market a while with no offers. I’ve been to see it and fallen in love. I’ve fantasised about how happy me and my boys would be there.
I’ve put an offer in on it but they won’t accept until my house is sold. My (ex) partner won’t let me accept the offers as he’s so convinced we can get back together. I’ve told him so many times it’s not what I want and because he won’t agree to the offers I can’t move. I’m stuck. He won’t take no for an answer. I can’t afford this house on my own (plus I don’t want to be there)
I don’t know how to make him agree or if there’s any way I can’t sell this house without him agreeing.
he still comes and goes as though he lives here and I just can’t move on. I’m so low at the moment because I’m being forced to live a life that I really don’t want.
please, can anybody advise me on what I could do. I’m at breaking point

First of all, both parties will have to declare ALL their assets in the negotiation of the financial settlement.

However, you need legal advice from an experienced family solicitor. Gather all financial documentation - bank and investment statements, tax returns, salary slips/P60s, pensions, mortgage........ everything.

Read up about divorce: Wikivorce, Divorce for Dummies, books from the library, family lawyers websites - to prepare yourself for your consultation with the solicitor.

I’m aware of that. I understand financial implications. I just want to move on. I don’t know how to get him out so I can move on.
the amount of savings I have isn’t enough to buy him out etc (prob just enough to buy a car and and a holiday) less than 10k but that’s a lot to me.

I’ve also had legal advice re divorce but again I can’t see of a way to get him to agree to the sale of the house or a divorce. He’s convinced he’ll change and he’ll make me happy again. (I know he won’t and I really don’t want him
back)

You can split up and divorce; it's your choice. What @FlowerArranger said - gather together all financial information and see a solicitor, specifically focussing on how to force the house sale. I do think you will be quite lucky if you can sell your own house, given his resistance, in time to buy the house you have seen.

Is there any way a house sale can be forced?

You can force the sale of a house but you'll need to do this via a solicitor and if your ex won't budge it'll go to court and he'll then be forced to sell.

Tbh kick off the divorce. It might make him realise that you're serious, the sooner you do it, the sooner the house will be sold. But be careful, if you sell the house and buy again before the divorce is finalised, he might have a claim to your new house. Better to stop looking, kick off the divorce and sell before spending hours on rightmove.

You have to start divorce proceedings and get a judge to order the sale of the home. Your soon to be ex doesn’t have to agree to the divorce or the sale of the house. A friend of mine just went through this. It did take 3yrs though as their ex refused to supply financial, refused to show up in court, refused to sign anything,…basically did everything they could to slow the process down.

In the interim, you could see if the seller would be willing for you to rent the home until the divorce goes through and then you buy it? It’s a long shot and I only mention it because you say you’ve fallen in love with the place. You would of course, stop contributing to the mortgage on the family home as you’d be paying rent.

Is there any chance your parents could help financially until divorce/house sold etc?

As for OP's savings, surely these could technically be put into children's saving accounts or the money given to her parents to give back post divorce?

Just so sad after being cheated on and having the direction of your life radically altered that OP is now being held over a barrel by the perpertrator of her heartache and trauma.

I take it you are still in marital home OP and he lives elsewhere?

I think the first thing to do is to apply for the divorce, like others have said that may shock him into realising you are serious and the marriage is over.
Once he receives the notification, choose a neutral location to sit and have a proper conversation about everything- the affair, the consequences and how going forward you can co- parent.
if he still refuses to agree to sell the house, then seek legal advice about forcing the sale.

I’m in the marital home. He’s living with ‘a friend’
I could give the savings to my parents but they can’t help financially.
he just turns up anytime he likes, acts like nothing has happened, says he was mentally unwell and that’s why he had an affair yet I’ve caught him time and time again. He’ll turn up with flowers/a bottle of wine/cook dinner whilst I’m at work.
it just won’t sink in with him.

ive told him I’ve began divorce proceedings (even though I haven’t) he’s now promised me the world. He says he won’t sign divorce papers and he definitely won’t sell.

Ultimately he doesn’t need to agree, you can push through a divorce and a house sale, but you will need legal advice and it will take longer which may affect the house you want to buy. Sounds like he is being selectively deaf though, so you need to be seen to take action to make him see you mean business. What a rat he is! Be strong op, it will be worth it.

I’ve given him a few chances to redeem himself , silly, I know. I know now that I want a divorce.

He’s been awful. Smashed my phone and laptop. Turned some of my friends and family against me. Broke into our house when I’ve left the keys in the door so he couldn’t get in

I’ve had financial advice and divorce advice but this was when I thought he’d cooperate. Things are very different since then. I don’t have advice about what would happen if he wouldn’t cooperate 😔

If I rent somewhere else surely I’d be legally obliged to pay my rent and my mortgage plus contributions to bills on both houses. just can’t do that. What if he never decides to sell. I can’t afford to run two houses for the inevitable

Well, you do now. Get cracking. Spend your savings on a good solicitor.

I know. I just thought somebody may have had some experience and could advise

I understand that. I suppose I just needed a little tea and sympathy

Change the locks. He has already been violent and smashed up your things. If he breaks back in again, call the police.

Start divorce proceedings. He does not have to agree to it. Take some legal advice about how to go about forcing the sale of the house.