Can you leave if they have mental health problems

[hampro]

I’ve been with my DP for 3 years. When we first got together I found out he was having some therapy for a few bad experiences in his life. However, we were having a wonderful time at the start of our relationship and I didn’t really see it as an issue.

Gradually over time his mood has deteriorated significantly. I accept people have mental health problems. Most of us do at some point in life. I do also think it’s good that he isn’t afraid to ask for help. BUT nothing ever improves.

He’s moody most days and quite unpleasant to be around. His moods suck the life and positivity out of me. He constantly moans about every single aspect of life. He gets worked up about the smallest of issues. He appears like he has a massive chip on his shoulder.

It’s draining me. Whenever I speak to him about it he just cries and blames it on what’s happened in the past. He promises it will get better but it never does. He’s angry at everything and everybody. I’m on eggshells around him.

Would it be harsh to leave over these issues? He admits to having mental health problems and I have supported him since we got together but I feel like it’s costing me my own happiness now. It feels wrong to leave someone who probably needs the support, but I don’t feel like my feelings are a priority to him at all. If anything he tries to blame me a lot of the time.

He actually has a lot to be happy about. A good job, nice home, nice car, good friends. But he has suggested he would feel like killing himself if I was to leave him.

It’ll likely get worse. 3 years isn’t a particularly long time. You’re not his therapist. Go and live your happy life, don’t let someone suck the fun out of it for you

It’s difficult because loyalty, resilience etc. are definitely good things.
But you only have one life and you’ve made no promises or I assume, have children or other ties.
I’d advise my dds to leave.

Yes it is fine to leave someone who is making you unhappy and is attempting to use emotional blackmail to make you stay

Is he moody, moany and angry at work with his boss & colleagues? Or just with you?

BTW - if anyone EVER says they are going to kill themselves then call 999.

You can leave a bad relationship for any reason. You are not your p's therapist. You are not here to fix broken men. You only get one life- if he's not making you happy, leave him.

If he makes any threats to harm himself, ring 999.

You can leave him because it pleases you to do so. That’s it. You don’t need an excuse. Or even a reason.

Im sorry he’s unwell. But this is your life too, and it’s too short to live it like this.

Yes you can leave, for whatever reason. I say this as someone with poor mental health at times!

Of course you can leave. You also should leave. What future could you have with him? You couldnt have children as you couldnt inflict this misery on a child. It would be incredibly irresponsible.

He’s moody most days and quite unpleasant to be around. His moods suck the life and positivity out of me. He constantly moans about every single aspect of life. He gets worked up about the smallest of issues. He appears like he has a massive chip on his shoulder.
he seems like he has a massive chip on his shoulder doesn't sound like only a mental health issues. It sounds like an arsehole who also has a mental health issue.

Definitely.
Do not be guided into staying.
Your joy and spontaneity, sense of fun and love of life are so precious.
And if he's threatening suicide as a consequence of you leaving, you are in dangerous territory.
Get out now.

guilted, of course. Silly autocorrect.

You can leave for any reason.

You are not his therapist and this sounds miserable. Go!

As a rule of thumb, you should always leave someone who threatens to kill themselves if you leave.

He sounds like my ex. I wasted decades on him. I was never going to be able to fix him. It got worse and worse. End it now.

You can always leave for any reason.

And I think you should definitely leave any relationship that has that "walking on eggshells" element.

You aren't a bad person for protecting yourself. It's not your job to fix him or prop up his mental health.

The relationship is making you unhappy. This is all you need to leave. His emotions are not more important that yours. You are not his therapist. You have tried your best, but his needs are exceeding your ability to cope with them.

He may have mental health issues but he's emotionally abusing you. You are not responsible for his mental health.

Leave.

Yes you can and should leave.

The police are overwhelmed with calls about people threatening suicide and they are not qualified to deal with it. OPs DP is unlikely to be genuinely suicidal, he's saying that to manipulative OP, as he probably realises he's making her miserable.

You don't need an excuse or permission to end any relationship. It really sounds like doing so would be in your best interests! Lots of men threaten suicide and yet, very rarely do as its pure manipulation.

Choose happiness whenever possible!!

Yes, leave him if you're not fundamentally happy in the relationship. I agree that your emotions are important too.

I didn't leave my husband. He took his own life. Tbh he might have found life less stressful if we had lived apart. (Doesn't make it my fault).

Suggest that he sees his GP if he is struggling with suicidal thoughts.

Not one thing in your post, OP, convinced me this person has a mental health problem. And also… people don’t have vague “mental health problems” them have a diagnosis. But even if he has one… not everybody with depression is abusive, but there are plenty of abusive people diagnosed with depression, mostly because they are vg at manipulating doctors. If his vague problems result in making everything revolve around him, that’s an obvious sign.

The moodiness you describe is emotional abuse. And yes, agree with above poster, as a rule, leave anyone who threatens to commit suicide if you go. A nice suicidal person would not do this. A sadistic suicidal person and a sadistic nonsuicidal person are the two types of people who would say this.

Leave now before you have kids, mortgages, marriage which will likely worsen his mood.

To be honest if someone threatened me with killing themselves if I were to leave I'd go

That's emotional blackmail.

I don't doubt he has issues and I am truly sorry. But you're not his therapist. You don't deserve to spend your life 'walking on egg shells'

You're not being disloyal or unkind. If he was being angry with you all the time and making you sad for any other reason you'd leave wouldn't you?

Unless you birthed him you have absolutely no obligation to him whatsoever.

Threatening suicide is manipulative and bullying and absolutely not your problem

Dangerous advice.
The police are well equipped actually. Whether they should be picking up the pieces for an under resourced MH service is another matter but please don’t suggest you have any insight or knowledge here when you very plainly don’t.