Situationship stress

[summersunshine46]

I’ve been dating a guy for over two months now and he seemed really into me and really keen up until last weekend. I’ve been stressed out with the situation as I’ve spent all my free time with him and got quite attached (even though there are lots of red flags).

So last weekend I sent him a message saying what do you think about us, he said he liked the way things were going and said why do you ask. So I said we’ve spent a lot of time together and just wanted to see if we were on same page. He ignored that message and then rang me day after asking if everything was ok because he hadn’t heard from me.

Had phone call with him Tuesday he was very off with me and said he was busy every night as he was going out with random people he said he would try and re-arrange his Friday dinner. So Friday come he asked me my plans so I said I was being taken out for dinner (I wasent but I didn’t want to make myself look like I’m available to him) . He text me the next morning asking how my night was. I’ve tried to stop communicating with him but he is always messaging

. Last night I messaged him back and he left it unread as he was out. Today he has sent messages saying he’s off out tonight to do it all again. I’ve not answered so he’s been ringing. He was meant to be helping me with a job in my house so he text today and Said when can I come over and sort it for you. I done him a favour other day so he said he owes me dinner out I said dont worry about it.

Thing is why does he still keep messaging me , ringing me for a chat and liking all my social media posts but telling me he’s off out with random people for dinner and when I asked if he was available last time saying he’s not available until mid next week.

"I’ve been stressed out with the situation as I’ve spent all my free time with him and got quite attached (even though there are lots of red flags)".

Do not ignore any red flags. Bad boys are just that; bad. You've likely over invested in him through his love bombing of you. If you really want to stop communicating with him you also need to block all his ways of being able to contact you.

Find someone else like a tradesman if applicable to do the job in your home.

He is doing this to you because he can, he further is enjoying the power and control he's having over you. Do read "Women who love too much" by Robin Norwood.

Find someone else who will not mess you around like this. Emotionally well adjusted men do not act like this.

I guess he's keeping you on the back burner, he's not that interested if he prioritises going out to dinner with others every other day if the week, seems like he wants to keep it casual.

He's not that into you

I mean -- I don't know if I hugely see what he's done wrong? He's ringing you, he wants to see you, but he's got plans with friends too?

He's a messer, and you can either stay on the end of his string being dangled around, and trying out outwit him by blowing hot and cold, and entice him back (it won't work), or you can end it.

got quite attached (even though there are lots of red flags).

Considering you know you shouldn't have really started it in the first place, the reasonable thing to do is to sack him off, because you believe you deserve better, and find someone else to help you with your jobs around the house. Don't settle for living in his back pocket playing games.

I’ve pulled away loads and I’m acting now I have no interest in him but he’s still continuing to chase. Even more so now. I don’t understand

I don't totally understand if you've stopped communicating with him because you're done with him, or so as not to seem too available?

If it's the former, you need to tell him you're done. If it's the latter, you need to tell him you're done and go and find someone you don't feel you need to play games with.

Lastly, why are you ignoring the red flags?

You're acting like you have no interest and he doesn't believe you, because it's not true. You can't expect him to be clear about what you will accept and what you need and want if you don't know yourself.

You don't understand?

Read WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH. It'll help you understand.

NB
Never a good idea to ignore red flags.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes. Sounds like you backed off & are pissed off because it's not having the desired effect. If things are like this only 2 months in do you think it might be a sign to move along?

I'd say grow up and stop playing games. He's seeing friends and you're now ignoring him because of that.

I'm actually a bit confused! He said he was happy with how things are going. He had a busy week (assuming the "random people" are friends) but still wanted to see you when he was free, and has been keeping in touch in the meantime, AND he offered to rearrange some of his plans to see you instead. You lied about having plans to make yourself unavailable to him on that night (absolutely no judgment on making yourself unavailable, I'm well out of touch with how dating goes now, no idea about the dances that people do!) and he was okay with that, and asked how your night was. That seems pretty standard?

He's been ringing because you haven't answered his message and he couldn't get hold of you. Also seems quite normal?

He's offered to do some work for you, and seems to want to honour that commitment. He offered to take you out to dinner to thank you for doing him a favour.

You said you've tried to stop communicating with him. How come? Are you not interested in continuing this? What are the red flags?

It seems most likely that he keeps messaging, ringing and liking your social media posts because he's into you. You've only been together 2 months, and he's got a busy schedule with random people friends for the next week or so. He's telling you he's going out for dinner with friends because he's going out for dinner with friends, and he's said he's not free until mid next week because he's not free until mid next week. Again, it's only been 2 months, you've really only just started dating!

@Imnothereforthegiggles I won’t drip feed the red flags. He got married this year for 4 weeks and then marriage ended. He drinks excessively when we’re together and can never remember what he did and said the night before. He normally just blacks out. We went to a party at the weekend where he hit on near enough every woman while I was standing next to him.

A bloke with a CV like that could be into you, keen and chase you til the cows come home, and it still wouldn't make him a good idea.

last week he stopped all the good morning, good night texts and I just felt like he pulled away

You've had a thread about this guy before. What made you choose to ignore the advice you were given

Seriously he blacks out drunk every time? WHy on earth do you want this buffoon in your life at all?

Are these random people other women or friends?

Who did he think was taking you for dinner?

I don't really understand what I just read...
You pretended you were busy, but you can't understand why he might do the same?
He is flirting with every other woman he meets but you're still entertaining him?
Have you actually told him that you don't want to speak to him or see him again?
Or do you, you just want him to have fewer plans with other people?
The random people are probably not that random, you maybe just don't know them yet as you've only been dating a short while.
Either have an honest chat with him and tell him you want more from him, or tell him it's not going anywhere And free yourself from the drama! It sounds like he's maybe not the guy you first hoped he might be.

Don’t bother with men who play little boys games.

Next!!

Two months and it's already shit. This is as good as it gets. If this is the life you want, crack on.

The rest of it - why he does it etc etc etc - it means fuck all.

He's doing it because he CAN. Because you will mistake the type of 'interest' that can be done sitting on the toilet as 'effort', and think it means he cares about you.

If this is how he treats someone he supposedly cares about (in the 'honeymoon phase' where everyone is on their best behaviour), just think how your life will be when he decides he doesn't give a shit.

Stop playing games. It's really unhealthy.

Stop putting out then withdrawing bait so that you can tie yourself in knots armchair-analysing his response to that bait.

Have a think about why you careened ahead into giving him all your free time even though you knew there were red flags.

Then decide if you want to keep seeing him - in which case tell him so, & arrange firm dates with him. If he won't arrange or stick to those dates - dump him.

If you don't want to keep seeing him - tell him so. Then delete & block, because he sounds like a Hooverer -
lonerwolf.com/hoovering/

I’ve tried to stop communicating with him but he is always messaging
However ... whether he's the total baddie in this situation isn't clear, because you seem to have never asserted what YOU want from it. Even when you raised the subject, you couched it in terms of what does HE think & does HE feel on the same page - it's almost like you believe you need his permission on how you wish to view a relationship.
You haven't even told him you want a break from communication - how is he meant to know what you want when you don't tell him?
Just bloody make your mind up, decide what you want, tell him what you want, & then assess whether he's "on the same page" by observing his ACTIONS not listening to his WORDS.

Oh ye gods. It's you again.

Just dump him already.