What do you do with you FWB?

[Gotanewname]

Posted this in Sex but reposting here as it’s prob more a relationship thing and more traffic here.. I mean what do you do apart from sex, how does it work?! Do you go out for meals, even go away together? Stay overnight at one another’s houses? How often are you in touch? How much personal stuff do you share? I’m not quite sure on the right boundaries.

I’m recently got myself an FWB for the first time. He’s a friend I met through work years ago and a lovely guy, great company - but definitely not relationship material for me, if I was looking for a relationship. I have a tiny niggle in my mind he is open to it developing into something more and though I’ve been really clear that’s not where I am (and he says he’s very happy with FWB) I don’t want to confuse things.

Personally I never went out for meals with my fwb. It was basically just sex and nothing more.

You obviously need to establish clear boundaries from the start of you think he might want more, in my experience this is what makes things complicated and more often than not one person ends up catching feelings and the other doesn't.

The people I hear having “FWB” is mostly always just a FB being labelled as a friend as it sounds better.

I don’t really get this?

ah that was meant to be a reply to @SpinningFloppa!

Is he a FWB or is he just someone you shag now and again?

Clear boundaries at the outset, definitely.

I guess as well as him getting feelings I’m worried about accidentally drifting into a relationship. Does that makes sense? Equally it’s a lot of fun and I’ve had a shitty time and I do want to carry on!

Don’t get it in what way? I’m saying the people I know who have “fwb” they are actually just fuck Buddies and only just sleep with them and there is no actual real friendship like they don’t meet up with them and do anything non sexual but they call it fwb to make it sound better

Ah ok this does make sense now. We are definite friends too…I guess that’s the point of the post. We talk most days, he wants us to go away. I’m not sure if there is too much going on aside from the sex!

@Gotanewname

I actually use to meet up with someone just for sex. I do have a good memories but to me it didn't feel like FWB.

I stupidly developed feeling it was clear I wasn't relationship type for him. It ended us being anything. Well we kind of got past that just was friends without the sex. He stopped his car on side road we talked he was in a relationship. But having issues. Then he asked me why I was still single.
I couldn't tell him was getting over my feelings for him.
I remember hugging him and he invited me go see him which I thought was weird. No more sex from me I thought. So I moved on but he can in where I work and fell apart at seeing him. I couldn't hold it together so stupid think this ended us completely maybe he realized I still had feeling he left the shop. I thought I can't serve was actually very emotional my colleague beside me wondered what the hell was going on.

Someone always gets hurt.

We meet up ( Hotel stay), have a nice time, lots of sex then go own ways again, we live hours apart so no chance of a relationship

When I was single I had a FWB. We would date - go for dinner, brunch, cinema. We were very clear we wanted dating and sex but nothing more. It petered out after about 6 months but was fun and exactly what I wanted at the time.

Oh and always stayed the night! I would feel gross if they left/I was expected to leave.

Why do you only want FWB? He sounds great for you!

I have one FWB on the go (currently) and we are friends as well as the sex. We now live several hours apart and when we do meet up we'll usually go for a meal before/after sex. I wouldn't say we're close friends but we chat on whatsapp a couple of times a week.

It was more intense at the beginning and we both had to be careful not to get too emotionally invested. It can be easy to ascribe emotions to really good sex and I think that's a trap a lot of would-be FWBs fall into.

I recently had a FWB, was very clear it would never be anything more, which he agreed to. We messaged most days, went out for dinner, drinks etc. He got way too involved and I’ve had to stop seeing him completely, he got a bit weird on me, asking if I’d ever find a time that I get on with like we do. Unfortunately I think that one of you ends up liking the other more than the other one does and it is hard to keep it purely fun (just in my experience anyway)

*asking if I’d ever find someone I get on with as well as we did (stupid phone)

My main fwb was a friend for 4 years before sex was even on the cards. We were fwb for a couple years and then the sex just fizzled out and we went back to being friends.

What do we do? Well, we were friends so we did all the stuff that friends do. We hung out, went for dinner, went for walks in the park, went to the out, did a hobby together etc.

What we didn't do was gaze into each others eyes, talk about a future, express feelings, hold hands etc. There was no romance. No intimacy beyond what you'd share in a close friendship. Its just yhat sometimes we'd also have sex.

Oh and we never spent the night together. Sometimes I'd fall asleep on his sofa if we were watching a film. I'd wake up in the morning with a blanket over me and he'd gone to bed. Like a friend would do.

Someone always gets hurt.

Not true.

Text
chat
fuck
watch TV
cuddle

In my limited experience we'd usually meet up at the end of a night out, he'd walk me home, maybe watch some crap late night TV and chat while we had another drink, shag, he'd sleep over, bacon rolls, cuddles, more chat and maybe another shag in the morning and then see ya next weekend.

We'd occasionally text back and forth / send each other funny stuff during the week, but we never met up.

Fizzled out when he met someone he was serious about, and then shortly after I did too, but we're still friendly when we bump into each other now.

This is why I think the idea of a FWB is nonsense.

You are having casual sex with a guy. That's it.

If you do anything else (meals, dates, talking about your feelings) you are dating and having a relationship.

I think the ''FWB' is just people rebranding the fact that they just want casual sex with no strings attached over a longer period than just a one night stand. There is no real friendship there....

Ah this is very sad, I'm so sorry. Loneliness is horrendous but loneliness when you're with someone is even worse.

My good friend went through an almost identical situation to what you've described. My heart broke for her. He then went off on contract overseas and returned with a wife 20+ years younger.

She had made attempts to finish with him during the situationship but he always turned up and talked her around. She was nearing the end of her fertility window when she was with him then emergency treatment from a medical complication closed the door on kids entirely.

She is a fantastic woman and this idiot did not deserve her time or attention. He even tried to restart a friendship with her when he returned as he clearly valued her company. Thankfully he was met with a brick wall there.

Please try to move away no matter how hard. It is death by a thousand cuts.

@Hungoverandashamed its awful. i have no rights to ask anything of his business, but i genuinely just want to talk. He doesnt have to talk to me but when he doesnt im hurt. I never thought it would get to this at all. Im his pass time and he's my all 🥺