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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Now to heal myself

45 replies

Sweetheartgal · 12/11/2022 23:45

I really don't want to go into details but basically can't block someone I should on this site. Really finding it hard too. Stupidly got attached to them.

Tonight restricted them it's not blocking but it's a start. I know I will get there eventually. I can see them online or the message part.

How long did it take you to get over them?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 12/11/2022 23:46

*Can't see them online.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 12/11/2022 23:48

Huh?

Is this someone on mumsnet?
More context needed

badassbaby · 12/11/2022 23:48

Sweetheartgal · 12/11/2022 23:45

I really don't want to go into details but basically can't block someone I should on this site. Really finding it hard too. Stupidly got attached to them.

Tonight restricted them it's not blocking but it's a start. I know I will get there eventually. I can see them online or the message part.

How long did it take you to get over them?

This site?

thepawofdislike · 12/11/2022 23:50

This makes no sense at all...

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 12/11/2022 23:53

Sorry not on MN.

So tired but a social media site.

Now I have restricted them I feel bad. Probably blocking is best don't think we friends.

How long weather you block someone or restrict them did you get over the devastation of cutting them out your life.

OP posts:
Spacebears · 13/11/2022 00:02

Im not super clear on what you're asking. But block them and don't look at their profile at all. Depends on how long the relationship/friendship lasted will it take you to get over them. But blocking is definitely a start.

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 13/11/2022 00:09

Spacebears · 13/11/2022 00:02

Im not super clear on what you're asking. But block them and don't look at their profile at all. Depends on how long the relationship/friendship lasted will it take you to get over them. But blocking is definitely a start.

They say restriction is like blocking. So will see how this goes. No more seeing them online no more wondering why they not even asked how I am.
Just not seeing them view my stories.

I doubt they will care.

Just move forward now. Finally taken a step.

Absolutely feel numb but finally did something.

OP posts:
Spacebears · 13/11/2022 00:11

@Sweetheartgal if they don't care why should you? Maybe taking a social media break all together would help. Delete the app off your phone for a week or so. Give yourself the space you need to heal

Rolypolyup · 13/11/2022 00:13

It's hard when you get attached like that. Each message or notification just adds to the addiction. You convince yourself you don't care and then you get a message and it's all undone. You're best to just block even better delete the associated app. It takes time x

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 13/11/2022 06:45

@Rolypolyup

I am totally done with that person the restriction has done the job.

It will take to heal got so much going on besides this.

I am done with men.

OP posts:
bitmuchlass · 13/11/2022 06:55

Sounds like you've taken a good step towards taking care of yourself. I'd still suggest blocking, though - with only restricting them it can be really easy to think "I'll just check out their page" in a moment of weakness and end up undoing all your own hard work. As you've already said you feel bad for restricting them I'd worry that you might be at risk of that; after all, you've still left it open so you could look/contact if you wanted to...but for yourself you need to not do this.

I know that blocking might feel like a scary step to take, but it's probably what's best for you (and you'd have support here afterwards!)

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 13/11/2022 08:52

@bitmuchlass
Blocking will come but trouble is last time I did block them. I unblocked after so at the moment feel still to weak to block.

Last option I do have is a conversation face to face. But don't want this.

I feel stronger enough to carry on focus on other things.

OP posts:
lawd · 13/11/2022 15:35

I might have misunderstood, but I don't get the logic if I've read this right.

You don't want to block him because you think you might unblock him at some point? Doesn't restricting work the same way, you can just unrestrict him again?
Difference with blocking is that you'd have to send a friend request if you change your mind (guessing this is on FB), and you won't be able to look at his page any more - is that's what's stopping you?

It seems a bit like you might be justfying things to yourself so you don't have to fully cut contact. Actually blocking him is the best and fastest way to get over someone though. Delete his number, block on SM, totally cut him off so you can heal. I get that it might feel s bit final, but it takes WAY more strength to rely on willpower than it does to click a button.

Good luck OP, hope you're well on the path to being over this soon!

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 13/11/2022 15:56

@lawd

I can unrestrict him but I won't maybe the blocking will come later.

It's not Facebook either.

I feel I made a step yesterday and I do feel happier today. I can't see his message or weather he looked at my statuses.

I have no desire to type in his name and unrestrict.

He knows my situation so guessing he wouldn't bother reach out to me. He knows now definitely off limits I am and a chat we had made him realize maybe to back off.

I was very attached to this person really what I thought about them wasn't true.

I should never have let him in my life again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 17/11/2022 06:28

Just a little update

I was fine but thought he couldn't see my stories but he did. I quickly made him unfollow me. I think I noticed message in request part and he messaged Sunday.

I didn't reply and he still restricted.

The issue I am having is I still go into this fantasy land thinking of us meeting having this conversation. Because I believe it will happen one day. I am just not ready to see him now. I am not together at all.

It worries me these thoughts I am having.

I am trying and trying to just focus on other stuff forget me it's just there in my head. I honestly don't know why.

I won't unrestrict him but it's killing that I have had to cut him off. For my own good he wasn't a friend he wasn't literally what I thought.

I honestly wish I could wake up in the morning and lose my memory of him. I know as time goes on it will get easier. But at the moment the overthinking driving me insane.

I lay in bed and I just keep thinking of him feeling bad I just cut him off. I know I have done the right thing but this is just hard.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 17/11/2022 07:16

I really think you need to grow up and realise that you are responsible for you. Blocking him isn't something that will happen, it's something that you will do. We all have to make hard decisions. You know the relationship wouldn't be right/isn't available for you. Distract yourself.

The question is, why was there such a level of need in your life that you've ended up feeling this way about a stranger? What's missing? What do you need to put in place to ensure it doesn't happen again, because your life is fulfilling?

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 17/11/2022 07:24

@Watchkeys

Restricting him or blocking him for me same thing. I feel I still took a step.

I have just wrote another post. Which I have answered the questions you asked in your second paragraph.

OP posts:
bitmuchlass · 17/11/2022 07:28

I saw a thread on here about limerence the other day, and I wonder if that might be useful for you (I think it had some good tips for getting over it, too). I first heard of it on here, hadn't ever come across it before! What you're describing sounds like it might fit for you.

If he's still messaging you and you can still see his message requests, and that's preventing you from getting over this, you really do need to actually block him now. You've tried some alternatives and they haven't worked, restricting has left him able to still send messages that are derailing you, so blocking really is your only option. Nothing to say you can't unblock once your difficult feelings and fantasies have faded, but for now this is just messing with your head - you need to have no contact with him at all, not even knowing that he's tried to get in touch (even if you're ignoring him).

You're obviously finding this very hard...but blocking would be a really positive step and you would definitely have support on here for taking steps to look after yourself!

Watchkeys · 17/11/2022 07:43

I'm not sure you did answer the question, OP, about why there was such a gap in your life that these feelings have come in to fill it.

How's your elf esteem, generally, in a relationship situation?

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 17/11/2022 09:25

@Watchkeys

Sometimes it depends but once I probably develop feelings I go back to feeling I am not good enough. Actually I feel it from the person.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 17/11/2022 09:31

bitmuchlass · 17/11/2022 07:28

I saw a thread on here about limerence the other day, and I wonder if that might be useful for you (I think it had some good tips for getting over it, too). I first heard of it on here, hadn't ever come across it before! What you're describing sounds like it might fit for you.

If he's still messaging you and you can still see his message requests, and that's preventing you from getting over this, you really do need to actually block him now. You've tried some alternatives and they haven't worked, restricting has left him able to still send messages that are derailing you, so blocking really is your only option. Nothing to say you can't unblock once your difficult feelings and fantasies have faded, but for now this is just messing with your head - you need to have no contact with him at all, not even knowing that he's tried to get in touch (even if you're ignoring him).

You're obviously finding this very hard...but blocking would be a really positive step and you would definitely have support on here for taking steps to look after yourself!

My old self would unrestrict or unblock. My new self won't now even though I am tempted feel strong enough.

It's about just moving forward and not reaching out to this person when feeling needy. I honestly thought I moved past that.

I actually wrote another post triggered memories from guys in past.

So I beginning to realize my issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 20/11/2022 13:10

Update

I wish I would stop thinking of him but feel clearer now. I keep thinking of this conversation if we meet up in our local town. It's really going round my head but realizing it's just in my head it won't happen unless I decide to talk to him.

He wasn't the person I thought he was maybe I never really knew him at all.

I took another step today so feel I probably will block him completely.

But I think he will know I blocked him from seeing my stories, statuses.

If he truly cared he would call me he hasn't. So I have realized I meant nothing to him. The best thing for both of us we move on from each other.

OP posts:
lazyonion · 21/11/2022 07:01

"I took another step today so feel I probably will block him completely." Great you've decided to do this, sounds like it's the only sensible option!

The feelings & fantasies will fade once you're not in contact any more. It really is the best thing for you to move on now.

"If he truly cared he would call me he hasn't. So I have realized I meant nothing to him. The best thing for both of us we move on from each other" - keep remembering this!

Original poster
Sweetheartgal · 21/11/2022 22:40

lazyonion · 21/11/2022 07:01

"I took another step today so feel I probably will block him completely." Great you've decided to do this, sounds like it's the only sensible option!

The feelings & fantasies will fade once you're not in contact any more. It really is the best thing for you to move on now.

"If he truly cared he would call me he hasn't. So I have realized I meant nothing to him. The best thing for both of us we move on from each other" - keep remembering this!

@lazyonion

Yes really trying to move on now.

But I do really miss him too.

OP posts:
lazyonion · 22/11/2022 10:32

You've blocked him now?
It's to be expected that you'll have some emotions about this, but remember it will get easier over time, much faster now that you aren't having any contact/seeing him online etc. Find some things you can do to distract yourself if you find yourself thinking about him, stay strong (and whatever you do don't contact him again!)