Now to heal myself

[Sweetheartgal]

I really don't want to go into details but basically can't block someone I should on this site. Really finding it hard too. Stupidly got attached to them.

Tonight restricted them it's not blocking but it's a start. I know I will get there eventually. I can see them online or the message part.

How long did it take you to get over them?

@lazyonion

No I haven't blocked him yet.

I blocked him seeing statuses/stories he message me the Sunday before last. As had message request. Haven't responded.

At the same time I lay in bed thinking about him. Probably go off in fantasy land thinking all sorts.

Trying each day get to through the days it's hard a lot changed in my life
and it's him I do just want to talk too.

I support I will get there in time as long as I don't slip and unrestrict him.

Feeling quite low this week as it is.

I can't believe how stupid I been think I realized today I truly meant nothing to this person.

The test I set out they failed and no response is definitely a clear message.

I found out that all my fantasies are not real the real answer was no answer.

I guess now probably I can block may restrict just move on and now I know where I stand.

Thanks suppose I deserved this for my weak moment.

It's hurt deeply inside now. I been a fool.

Calling yourself stupid and a fool will ensure that you continue to make the same mistakes. Validate yourself. You did what you did for a reason. You don't know what the reason is yet, but you don't just go about doing stupid things, so there'll be a solid reason why you took him back, a solid reason, a reasonable reason, for why you put yourself down.

What you're looking for is 'I did a stupid thing, but I can understand why, so what I need to do is let myself off the hook and be nice to myself'. Imagine if a friend had done what you'd done, and came to talk to you about it. Would you tell her she was stupid? Would you tell her she was a fool, right at the point when she was hurting most? Can you see how mean you're being to yourself?

This will come from your childhood. You will have been taught to push your 'no' feelings about someone aside (usually a parent, possible abusive/addicted/ill/taking care of a more overbearing sibling/anything that makes you secondary) because you had no option. You will have been trained. You've behaved the way you have because you were trained that way, not because you're stupid.

You can leave him unblocked and in 6 months or a year when he feels like tweaking your strings he will get in touch with you OR you can block him and have the satisfaction that you have done this and get on with your life. Been there and done that. Much easier!

I finally got my answer stupid weak unrestricting them.
Then no response to my message.

No I realized he got the message with the restriction.
Which I suppose no response is a response.

Wanted to feel wanted some sort of feeling I meant something but messing with fire.

The no message is clear. So yes I will block him now for good.

He not going to rescue me he not my safety net he was just well I don't know. Someone I shouldn't have reconnected with.

I had wrote another post about being let down by people I decided to let back in my life again. Obviously this person was one of them.

With this guy who said to me at the beginning we are friends. I didn't see him that way because I kind of wasn't sure of his intentions. We reconnected in 2020 and it was like getting to know him again was great. But I was worried about his intentions. He come to see me at work and he would always message.

We both have our situations so I kind of didn't say much although he knew I was having issues. He would say you need to open to your friends and family hint hint I thought. I didn't want to say anything he even said to me has he cheated on you. All sorts I was keep my relationship to myself didn't trust him and he was also the same didn't say nothing. Over time I opened up told him everything and now wish I hadn't. Then obviously getting good news I told him recently and he passed his test.

I suppose the what are we made him back off. I had to ask because he would flirt with the messages. But like he said that was it just flirting he laughed at me. I just felt he wanted more at the start of reconnection. Showing up at my work and literally he pass by each weekend seeing if I was there. As one day message him asking how his day. Then I hadn't opened up but felt bad he was always checking on me so thought I do the same. He said I passed by your work you wasn't there and I laughed in response to the message. As I knew it and this was driving me mad.

Stuff he say about my situation well things you wouldn't say to a friend. Yes we had the what are we talk and he said friends. I said but why do yo do this or that. We are friends.

Still figuring what his intentions were I believe when we first reconnected he was testing the waters but I was in a situation and he is too. So he backed off rightly so

But silly me I actually caught feelings well I don't think it was that maybe relied on him and depended on him.

When he didn't talk to me I was upset a bit silly probably the catch what it was run it's course.

He use to watch my stories and ask what's up. Yes some was aimed at him.
One I put a quote saying about basically you realized you meant nothing to a person but he asked what that was about.
I said leave it.

I come to realize I probably can't do friendship especially with some men. I end up getting attached to them more than I should.

So yes I have restricted him and I plan to move on. He won't message me now I think but for my own reasons can see him watching my stories.

He just didn't respond to my last message felt bad for restricting him. So guess my answer there he didn't care and whatever he thought he had to back off because I told him my good news.

What hurts is the just getting to know a person and then it's like friendship/relationship fizzles out. It's life I suppose I will miss him but probably nothing left to say.

He probably found now what he looking for I suspect because I set that boundary. The only thing crossed was emotionally getting attached to him. Felt I owed myself to get to know him properly.

But guessing now I could of been right all along about him.

Along this path realized romantically we wasn't meant to be partly my fault when I first met him. Still glad I was strong saying no all them years ago. Don't regret getting to know him but wish I didn't say too much now.

Life is life and I will move on with yet another experience I won't be repeating. So many guys and that sounds bad have come and gone from my life. People in general too.

I have too much heart I suppose people come and go.

*passed his driving test I meant to say and he was like I thought I told you he forgot. Like I said I expected too much from him.

OP just block or delete him. If he was even remotely interested he'd get in touch something.
But he's not is he? So do yourself a favour and get on with your life 🌹

It shouldn't be this difficult, I'm afraid. You will move on more quickly if you block him and remove him from your life completely. It's hard, but it works.

You will become stronger and in time you will wonder why you let his actions, or lack of, dictate how you feel about yourself.

@Monty27
@mellongoose

I think I was trying to make sense of it all.

But had a very good day and realized I am lucky.

I just keep him restricted and be done. He can't see my stories, statues.

The rejection probably best protection for me.

He wasn't a friend he was nothing.

You are lucky OP. You know you deserve dignity. Be proud of yourself x

@Monty27

My problem was giving 2nd chances to people and being let down.

Thanks

OP, you’ve been starting threads about this man since the beginning of October (under this and at least one other username). Back then he’d already stopped talking to you. It’s been two months since then and nothing has changed.

You weren’t ever in a relationship with him, he is married (and you’ve said he seems happy), he said right from when you first reconnected that he was only interested in friendship, you asked if he was flirting/if he wanted to sleep with you and he said no and then he backed off after that, and he’s not been talking to you for at least two months. You’ve even said yourself that you think it’s possible you built him/the ‘relationship’ up to be something it wasn’t in your head.

You’ve been ignoring what he says to you and analysing his behaviour, but you do seem to be really reaching for signs of feelings being reciprocated in your interpretations.
“He would say you need to open to your friends and family hint hint I thought.” If I was telling a man about my personal problems and he suggested I open up to friends and family I would take that as a hint that he’d prefer I talk to them instead of him. What “hint hint” did you think was going on there? How are you interpreting him not talking to you for two months as anything other than him being done and not wanting any kind of relationship with you, friendly or otherwise?

Why are you so resistant to the idea of blocking him, if you’re actually honest? Every time you post about him multiple people suggest blocking, but you make excuses for why you can’t/won’t. You said recently you thought restriction would do the job, made a statement about how the old you might unrestrict but the new you wouldn’t…but you’ve unrestricted him and tried to contact him again since then.

It’s not healthy that you’re still fantasising about him and having these intrusive, difficult thoughts two months after he’s stopped communicating, and you actually run the risk of making a nuisance/a fool of yourself if you refuse to respect that this man doesn’t seem to want to have anything more to do with you. Your feelings for him aren’t reciprocated, and that’s something that you have to deal with - your ongoing obsession with him isn’t his problem.

Limerence was mentioned upthread. I do feel for you with that, as it sounds really hard to deal with. However, you need to take responsibility for yourself, stop making excuses and block him so you can get past this, focus on your relationship and either fix it or leave, and do some work to figure out what’s been going on with you to lead to this.

@ponyrabbit

Blocking is not a must for me it's about moving forward and not going back to someone like that.

I feel today I have turned a corner.

You won't understand because your not in my situation.

I will just do what I did all them years ago with him.

I

@ponyrabbit

It's not about being obsessed either it's figuring out what was we.

Blocking him won't stop him from seeing me in my local town. He not a threat in any way he not just someone who needs to be ignored.

There could be a misunderstanding on my part he does also have a life something could of happened with him.

At the same time it's probably two friend drifted apart. People just move on as sad it was. He not longer apart of this chapter I am so I need to turn the page.

Yesterday I realized what's important and his loss is someone else's gain. People come and come. But stupid to allow someone to burn you twice if that's what happened it won't happen again.

I realized it doesn't matter if he married or I am in relationship. We both reconnected and I probably did have a talk I should of had at the start to clear the air. He said we were friends and it's clear that wasn't really the case at the beginning.

Too much was said in messages but it's case of not dwelling on it move on and just be happy. He not the first to do this to me.

Your posts are difficult to make sense of to be honest but this stood out:

• He use to watch my stories and ask what's up. Yes some was aimed at him. One I put a quote saying about basically you realized you meant nothing to a person but he asked what that was about. I said leave it *

This is game playing and incredibly petty. You need to stop obsessing over him and get on with your life. You're only holding yourself back going over the trivial minutiae of social media "interactions" (which is massively overstating their importance, but still)

You could think about this for a thousand years and not get the answers you want. Block on all channels.

Sweet baby Jesus and the Orphans...

Are there learning differences at play here?

You are in a relationship- He is Married have you any idea the utter devastation infidelity causes? its impact is far reaching, life changing and can cause irrevocable damage but you seem unable to see past your own nose, dressing it up as 'our situations'
Mooning over -should I shouldn't I block him, which is irrelevant by the way because he is not interested and even if he was- do you really want a man who will betray his wife/family? and he you? does he want someone who is as disloyal as you are? posting on the internet

Please dedicate the time you are using to obsess over this UNAVAILABLE man and put it in to some serious therapy, to work on your unhealthy thought patterns
oh and do the decent thing- leave your partner.

@tabletipper

Don't judge what you don't know as obviously you don't get it.

I have given an update read and move to next post.

I have taken a step not to have no interaction with him and it's my situation and it's what best for me not YOU.

You obviously can't read properly as it was about getting with him at all. Like I said you won't get it and have updated move to next post take out your situation on other people's thread.

You are one pathetic individual look at yourself with that attitude hasn't probably got you far in life.

@
WASN'T ABOUT GETTING WITH HIM

You sitting behind a screen think your the big I am.

You not showing much of a fool you are.

Thanks to the other people I have take a step and just won't think about him no more.

Have a lot of good going on for me which he knows anyway.

I chose my way forward updated thread realizing a lot not much to say.