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Original poster

Help, who is the father??

46 replies

1122JS · 12/11/2022 22:45

Hi everyone,

For me posting this is really out of my comfort zone, but I need to talk to somebody and currently have no one to talk to and I am going through panic and pure stress.

I am 31 weeks pregnant (my due date is 13th January 2023)

I am under pure panic, I was with my partner for 6 years and in June 2021 we split up, on April 24th, we slept together unprotected and I fell pregnant, we decided to rework on our relationship and have this baby and everything was perfect, we are building a house etc etc

He has found out, while we wasn’t together I was seeing other people and we have now pretty much split up over this (only because I wasn’t honest about this when we first got back together) now he is questioning whether he is the father, I have booked a pre natal non invasive paternity test and will get my results in 10 working days or so, but the panic I am having is causing me panic attacks, insane amount of stress etc.

On 12th April 2022 was the first day of my period, my period was a bit on and off bleeding and quite short, i slept with someone on 14th April 2022 however, I actually stopped sleeping with him 2 minutes in as we had been drinking and I felt sick so he didn’t finish as such, this was also my last day of my period however, although he didn’t finish it was unprotected and I know it was the last day of my period but is this still possible?

On 24th April was when I had sexual intercourse with my ex and that was unprotected and he did finish etc.

I am making myself so ill over this, can someone please speak to me and help.

OP posts:
Quiegal · 12/11/2022 22:53

I think you need to calm yourself your pregnant. I know it's a a stressful time and you want your relationship to work. Personally I would have waited until baby was born to do test..

Please take care of yourself because of the baby don't make yourself ill. Put the baby above yourself wanting this relationship to work.

RogueV · 12/11/2022 22:53

Sounds like your ex is the father

SeasonFinale · 12/11/2022 22:55

Most likely the ex

America12 · 12/11/2022 23:00

Probably the ex. Will you get back together if he's the father ?

MissVantaBlack · 12/11/2022 23:01

Since 14th April was the last day of your period, you probably started on about 9th April. Assuming you have regular 28 day cycles, you would therefore ovulate 14 days after you started your period.
9 + 14 = 23
Therefore, your most fertile time would have been around 23rd April.

Technically, either man could be the father of your baby, but under these circumstances it's highly likely to be your ex who is actually the father.

Original poster
1122JS · 12/11/2022 23:03

Thank you so much, I don't know, I have broken all of the trust now and I don't known if he will get over it, but it is important to me he is the father, I know it would absolutely destroy him and he would be the best dad

OP posts:
Original poster
1122JS · 12/11/2022 23:08

I have a great relationship with his family, he has a great relationship with mine, if the results are not what they should be, I don't know what I would do, how I would tell him, I don't think I could tell my parents.. this has all happened within the space of a week and I have gone from living with him to now back at my parents etc and they do not know this is even a possibility because I am to ashamed to tell them.

OP posts:
TokenGinger · 12/11/2022 23:13

Your dates are similar to mine. First day of my period was 13th April. We had sex on 25th April. I am due 16th Jan.

I'd be inclined to say it's your ex. It would be very unlikely that you'd ovulate two days after your period started.

Original poster
1122JS · 12/11/2022 23:16

TokenGinger · 12/11/2022 23:13

Your dates are similar to mine. First day of my period was 13th April. We had sex on 25th April. I am due 16th Jan.

I'd be inclined to say it's your ex. It would be very unlikely that you'd ovulate two days after your period started.

Congratulations,

Yes, this is what I am thinking.. also he didn't finish in me and it was stopped so it would only possible from pre-cum and on top of it being just as my period finished, I am hoping it is unlikely.

OP posts:
Original poster
1122JS · 12/11/2022 23:18

Quiegal · 12/11/2022 22:53

I think you need to calm yourself your pregnant. I know it's a a stressful time and you want your relationship to work. Personally I would have waited until baby was born to do test..

Please take care of yourself because of the baby don't make yourself ill. Put the baby above yourself wanting this relationship to work.

thank you, I know, I am trying everything to stay calm.

OP posts:
ecuse · 12/11/2022 23:25

It sounds super unlikely to be the other guy based on the dates. Breathe ♥️

Minimalme · 13/11/2022 00:02

He's not being a great Dad at the moment op.

What you did or didn't do while you were no longer together isn't his business.

You should as though you felt he was most likely to be the Dad.

He is being very unkind putting you under all this stress while you are growing his baby.

If he did want paternity doubts he should:

a) not break up a relationship
b) use condoms unless actively trying for a baby

Don't let him be the big man on this op. No one needs a bully as a Father.

Minimalme · 13/11/2022 00:03

Didn't...

Original poster
1122JS · 13/11/2022 00:16

Minimalme · 13/11/2022 00:02

He's not being a great Dad at the moment op.

What you did or didn't do while you were no longer together isn't his business.

You should as though you felt he was most likely to be the Dad.

He is being very unkind putting you under all this stress while you are growing his baby.

If he did want paternity doubts he should:

a) not break up a relationship
b) use condoms unless actively trying for a baby

Don't let him be the big man on this op. No one needs a bully as a Father.

Thank you for your support.

It is difficult because I wasn't honest when we got back together and I never admitted to what I had done while we wasn't together and Im not being honest

But yes you are right, he is being extremely difficult, he is putting stress on me majorly and has completely abandoned me

OP posts:
GenerallyGreenerGrass · 13/11/2022 00:29

So you split with him in June 2021 and got back together and slept with him on 24th April 2022.
For a start, what you did and who you slept with in those 10 months is f..k all to do with him.
Stop panicking……tell the controlling bastard to f..k right off and have the baby yourself.

He’s dumped you for no reason and he’ll do it again.

Dery · 13/11/2022 00:58

OP - it sounds like the baby is your ex’s. But why are you beating yourself up for sleeping with someone else when you and your ex were split up? You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s not dishonest - it’s private.

What I would say, though, is that you seem to be having unprotected sex with a range of men - that suggests to me that you’re not looking after yourself very well. This is something you might want to reflect on in the future.

Original poster
1122JS · 13/11/2022 01:02

GenerallyGreenerGrass · 13/11/2022 00:29

So you split with him in June 2021 and got back together and slept with him on 24th April 2022.
For a start, what you did and who you slept with in those 10 months is f..k all to do with him.
Stop panicking……tell the controlling bastard to f..k right off and have the baby yourself.

He’s dumped you for no reason and he’ll do it again.

Thank you, I do completely agree

Everyone has turned there back on me over this and he was doing lots while we wasn't together but it seems to be ok as I was aware of it.

I was just embarrassed of him knowing and didn't want him to see me any different and I didn't think he would take me back

I am not necessary worried about getting back together, as now I do feel its gone to far, I am more concerned who the father is, I will never be able to live with myself that 30 weeks have gone by and I have led this man to believe it is his and it isn't...

OP posts:
Original poster
1122JS · 13/11/2022 01:03

Dery · 13/11/2022 00:58

OP - it sounds like the baby is your ex’s. But why are you beating yourself up for sleeping with someone else when you and your ex were split up? You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s not dishonest - it’s private.

What I would say, though, is that you seem to be having unprotected sex with a range of men - that suggests to me that you’re not looking after yourself very well. This is something you might want to reflect on in the future.

Thank you for your opinion! It means a lot.

I am beating myself up because I should have told him the truth back when we tried to get back together.

Yes, you are right, I wasn't sleeping around it just happened to be 2 close together but it was very irresponsible to be unprotected and I have definitely learnt my lesson.

OP posts:
Dery · 13/11/2022 01:14

Good luck with the results of the test, OP! And congratulations on your coming baby!

Tinkity · 13/11/2022 01:46

He's not being a great Dad at the moment op.

Well the OP isn’t even sure he is the dad, that’s the problem.

What you did or didn't do while you were no longer together isn't his business.

I agree that what OP did when she was single is absolutely none of his business but any question over paternity is very much his business, it’s ridiculous to think otherwise. OP led him to believe he was 100% the father knowing there’s a (albeit slim) chance he may not be which is an awful thing to do & I don’t blame him for being devastated & losing trust in her.

You should as though you felt he was most likely to be the Dad.

Then that’s what OP should have told him, that he was MOST LIKELY to be the father, not let him think he definitely was.

He is being very unkind putting you under all this stress while you are growing his baby.

Well it might not be his baby she’s growing or have you missed the point of his thread? I would also argue that OP was very unkind into letting him think he was 100% the father. Even if it turns out he is the father, the stress OP is under right now is completely her own doing. If she had not lied & told the truth when she found out she was pregnant, this could have been avoided. What is happening now is a natural consequence to her lying.

If he did want paternity doubts he should:

a) not break up a relationship

Don’t be so ridiculous, we have absolutely no idea why they broke up.

b) use condoms unless actively trying for a baby

Same could be said to the OP.

Or option C - OP could have not lied.

Don't let him be the big man on this op. No one needs a bully as a Father.

Nowhere has OP said he’s playing the big man or being a bully. The only thing he’s guilty of is trusting the OP. It seems he completely stepped up when he found out she was pregnant & he must be absolutely devastated now to know there’s a chance he might not be the father. She literally let him build a whole life with her knowing there was a question mark over paternity so it’s a bit rich of the OP to complain about being abandoned when she deliberately deceived him over something so important.

Ffs the misandry is rife on this thread.

No doubt this post will be deleted but good luck OP.

Tinkity · 13/11/2022 01:52

Just to be clear OP I’m not having a pop at you or trying to kick you when you’re down. I’m just really annoyed that there are a contingent on MN that like to blame the man no matter what the situation & my post is directed at them, not you.

I wish you nothing but good luck & I really hope you get the results you’re hoping for.

Original poster
1122JS · 13/11/2022 01:56

Tinkity · 13/11/2022 01:46

He's not being a great Dad at the moment op.

Well the OP isn’t even sure he is the dad, that’s the problem.

What you did or didn't do while you were no longer together isn't his business.

I agree that what OP did when she was single is absolutely none of his business but any question over paternity is very much his business, it’s ridiculous to think otherwise. OP led him to believe he was 100% the father knowing there’s a (albeit slim) chance he may not be which is an awful thing to do & I don’t blame him for being devastated & losing trust in her.

You should as though you felt he was most likely to be the Dad.

Then that’s what OP should have told him, that he was MOST LIKELY to be the father, not let him think he definitely was.

He is being very unkind putting you under all this stress while you are growing his baby.

Well it might not be his baby she’s growing or have you missed the point of his thread? I would also argue that OP was very unkind into letting him think he was 100% the father. Even if it turns out he is the father, the stress OP is under right now is completely her own doing. If she had not lied & told the truth when she found out she was pregnant, this could have been avoided. What is happening now is a natural consequence to her lying.

If he did want paternity doubts he should:

a) not break up a relationship

Don’t be so ridiculous, we have absolutely no idea why they broke up.

b) use condoms unless actively trying for a baby

Same could be said to the OP.

Or option C - OP could have not lied.

Don't let him be the big man on this op. No one needs a bully as a Father.

Nowhere has OP said he’s playing the big man or being a bully. The only thing he’s guilty of is trusting the OP. It seems he completely stepped up when he found out she was pregnant & he must be absolutely devastated now to know there’s a chance he might not be the father. She literally let him build a whole life with her knowing there was a question mark over paternity so it’s a bit rich of the OP to complain about being abandoned when she deliberately deceived him over something so important.

Ffs the misandry is rife on this thread.

No doubt this post will be deleted but good luck OP.

I completely agree with every point you have said, I am massively in the wrong.

I should have been honest from the very beginning and I wouldn't be in this mess, I just thought the chances were so slim, but there is still a chance and it was wrong of me.

OP posts:
ZooTropia · 13/11/2022 07:57

Got this off a calculator online

Result

Most probable conception dates: Apr 20, 2022 - Apr 24, 2022

Most probable dates of sexual intercourse that led to the pregnancy: Apr 18, 2022 - Apr 24, 2022

Possible conception dates: Apr 19, 2022 - Apr 29, 2022

Possible dates of sexual intercourse that led to the pregnancy: Apr 19, 2022 - Apr 29, 2022

The results of this calculator are estimation only

Look after yourself please. Don't let him hold it over you xx

ZooTropia · 13/11/2022 08:05

And you are not massively wrong. Give yourself a break my love. Try to confide in someone, a friend maybe, someone who won't judge you? A problem halved is a smaller problem.
How did he even find out about the other man?

ConnieTucker · 13/11/2022 08:07

Did he tell you about all the women he slept with when you were apart?

and please speak to your MW about your mental health / self-esteem. It must be low to put yourself at risk with unprotected sex. Was there a reason you wanted unprotected sex with these men?