Manager confusion WWYD?

[Twiceshyasbitten]

So I was away from work for a while (variety of reasons) and I have now returned. Pre temporary departure I was quite stressed out and I think I mentioned something over the phone to my managers line manager, about my manager, treating me in such a way after an illness and subsequent sick leave that it made me depressed and stressed out.

I have no idea why my manager was then such a bitch at that time, pre temporary departure. I was treated very differently to the rest of the team and I even wondered if my manager was neurodiverse so I was trying to brush it off and excuse them...

Since my return, I know for certain now that my manager is neuro typical, can be nice, can be lovely, can be approachable, even can make a joke...so WTAF?! She was the complete opposite of this before, but only to me...

It makes all of the negative experiences I had before my temporary departure even more hurtful as there was no excuse or reason for such poor treatment!!!

I don't know what to do really...I'm incredibly wary...I don't trust her one bit...but wonder if I should and just relax?!

DH says she might have been going through something at the time...but I don't get why it was taken out on me?!

Just wondering what anyone else would do/ think of the situation etc...I'm just being polite, friendly, doing my job and going home...being professional but not investing any emotion as it wasn't wanted before, even though She seems to be investing more these days...

She was a bitch and caused / exacerbated your stress

You mentioned this to her manager

Now you're back she's being nice to you

Not sure why this is confusing. The neurodivergence storyline is entirely irrelevant.

It sounds like some boundaries are being crossed at your workplace. Work is work. She shouldn't have treated you differently.

It sounds like the relationship has broken down to the extent I'm not sure if it's repairable?

Have you considered finding another job?

Is it mental health reasons why you needed a break? Is it possible you've misinterpreted some of her actions due to going through a rough time?

I would either look to leave or genuinely try to put it behind you.

If she continues to treat you differently, address it directly and if it doesn't improve, go over her head to her manager.

It's confusing as she's being completely different not just professional but nice...friendly...!

I didn't go off for mental health no.

I'm not in a position to find another job...yet...but I will when I'm ready or circumstances dictate.

Your post is confusing because it goes off on tangents about whether she is neurodiverse, what your DH thinks, etc etc- but doesn't say what your manager actually did.
When you say there was "poor treatment", what do you mean by that? And how were you singled out for this behaviour?
If she has changed now, is it as simple as she was unprofessional, you raised it with her line manager, she was disciplined and now she is taking care to behave appropriately?

@trailrunner85 I mentioned the neurodiverse thing as I thought for a while it was that causing the excessive rudeness, lack of emotion, lack of team bond so was brushing it off for a long time but in actual fact she was just rude and bitch like but specifically to me. I mention DH as he's the only one I've spoken to about it. It's just context...not sure why context is confusing.

Being neurodiverse doesn't mean you're rude 😨I think you need to do some reading up on what neurodiverse means.... I have ADHD and my manners are impeccable. I would never be rude or cold to someone. Making sweeping statements like that is really uncalled for.

Being neurodiverse doesn't automatically equal a bitch.

If your manager is being rude and dismissive to you then can you not talk to your HT department or speak to their manager before you go in if you're that worried?

Lol 😆 sweeping statements @Opaljewel !!! I did not say or imply ALL neurodiverse people are rude. I merely said it nay gave been the cause of HER individual attitude at the time. Enjoy your evening getting riled up at things that aren't there.

Well that is making a generalisation about the manners of neurodiverse people then isn’t it?

I can’t make any sense of your post to be honest. You are waffling on about non relevant things, such as your armchair diagnosis of mental health issues and your complaint seems to be that somebody is being pleasant with you. My goodness you must be hard to manage.

@Aprilx twist as you see fit 🤣 do you seriously have nothing else to do than make something out of nothing? Yawn 🥱

That is REALLY RUDE - are you neurodiverse????

I do not have a neurodiverse diagnosis, but I also read your comments as unacceptable even before I read those from @Aprilx Unless you are qualified to make a diagnosis of someone you should not be speculating that someone has a condition, and not "wondering" if someone has a disability because they are a "bad manager" (in your opinion). And you now know for certain??????

Just to be clear, it is really offensive to make casual /causal diagnoses of disabilities when you are not qualified to do so, and the correct response is not to make up excuses for your poor behaviour but to APOLOGISE for offending people who actually do have such a diagnosis. You think she was rude but don't see how rude you were?

Based on absolutely no information from you (despite being asked by previous posters to be clearer) nobody could explain why your manager was previously "a bitch" (I really hate it when people use mysognist language about women) - perhaps your sick leave put a lot of stress on other people carrying your work, perhaps she believes you were swinging the lead, [insert any other possible reason here]....

What is a temporary departure, and if it was so bad, why temporary?

And maybe her manager has said what you told her, and she is being super nice to you for now whilst she plots how to stick the knife in in a way that will be a permanent departure?

@Quveas you're equally making something out of absolutely nothing. I might well be, maybe I choose not to say? Why would I provide more detailed information about myself than I'd want? My work requires no one to share it when I'm off so that's no reason to behave like a bitch? Which confirms infact she was just s bitch.

Since my return, I know for certain now that my manager is neuro typical, can be nice, can be lovely, can be approachable, even can make a joke...so WTAF?! She was the complete opposite of this before, but only to me...

Are you seriously suggesting ND people can’t be nice, lovely, approachable or make a joke?

WTF is wrong with you?

@Januarcelebration no I'm seriously not. WTF is wrong with you?🤣🤦🏾‍♀️

Of course you are.

You say she can’t be ND because of those things. So you think ND people can’t be these things.

Such twatty behaviour. Feel a bit sorry for you really.

Now also being reported for abuse.

Well that went off on a diversion didn't it.

But OP, the question still stands. You haven't provided any examples of how you believe your manager was "being a bitch" or treating you differently, so it's difficult to comment.

@trailrunner85 not laughing when something was funny, not smilin, not saying hello or goodbye, ignoring, running away everytime I approached looking for help, never trying to even build an effective professional relationship basically yet whilst doing all of this with the rest of the team. Plus an incident I'd not rather go into detail with as it's rather outing.

It's good that your manager has now modified her behaviour and is being friendly. Whilst I would be a bit wary, I think you need to go with the flow and see if it continues.
It reminds me a bit of a situation in my workplace where there was a clique of people who socialise outside of work, have a WhatsApp group etc. If you were not in the group you could feel very left out. Which of course is not ok and is both unpleasant and unprofessional when it negatively impacts relationships at work.

I think the problem may be associating poor behaviour 'being a bitch' with ND.
Had you said 'I didn't raise it as I wondered if her lack of effective communication might be some social difficulties on her part, but then I realised it was just me it' that would have been a lot clearer and less offensive. I agree with pp that equalling someone being a bitch to ND is awful.

Sounds like what happened is that your manager wasn’t very nice to you, then your manager’s manager had a word and now she’s changed her behaviour. There’s no big mystery here. It could simply be that there was a bit of a personality clash between you. All that matters is that she’s behaving professionally now and will probably continue to do so, if her manager has got their eye on her.

Just to add to everyone else’s responses - I also think your opening post was offensive. You’re not being trolled here, people are simply pointing out that your first post and some of your responses don’t come across well.

From the sounds of it, neither you nor your manager are being very professional here.

She is not obliged to laugh at jokes, but nor should she be "running away" (literally or figuratively?!) when you need help.

Your manager is not your friend. You need to establish a professional working relationship and focus on doing your job well, not getting het up about people smiling at jokes and so on. And she should be focusing on learning how to manage people, from the sounds of it.