NC with mother — solicitor letter

[LongDistanceLife]

I’ve had a letter from my mum who I have been no contact with for over a year and moved across the country to ensure that this remains the case. She has mental health issues and suffered with alcoholism during my upbringing, for years I was a victim of FOG and feel proud to have achieved NC.

I have two DC aged 8 and 10 who she used to have contact with as well. They are the major reason I became NC. She used to favourite DD over DS and made DD keep secrets from me, etc. which worried me from a safeguarding perspective. Additionally, she used to put a lot of pressure on my DD to be her “best friend” and was starting to become emotionally manipulative with DD. DS refused to spend time with her by the time we went NC.

She does not know where I live or have any means of contact. Tonight I have received an email through my new work email address (which is public) with a solicitors letter requesting contact with the children and mediation or she will take me to court for access.

I have taken measures to protect my children, does she have a case?

Join a group on fb called fathers justice uk. It's not just for fathers as you will see. Don't confuse it with fathers4justice.

Theyll explain to you for free how the proceedings will pan out and they won't charge. You won't need to give them any specifics or personal details.

I’m sorry to hear this, I can’t imagine how distressed you must feel.

Im not an expert but as far as I know your mother would have to show that she had a ongoing close relationship with your children and that it was in their best interests for that to continue. I expect she could argue that from how often she usually saw them or cared for them alone.

She was not a good parent to you when you were growing up and she has not changed at all since.

As I understand it the onus is very much on her to prove an ongoing relationship and that her relationship would be beneficial to the children. She cannot at all do that. Let her waste money on Solicitors letters.

I don't see how a fathers' rights group has relevance, as OP is posting about her mother, so, her DC's grandmother. Your mother has no legal right to see your children. Any solicitor will be aware she hasn't a leg to stand on, shame on them for accepting the money for sending you that letter.
I am NC with my mother and looked into her 'rights' after I had dd. She doesn't have any. Just like anyone else, she cannot demand contact with your DC against your wishes.
Don't worry, honestly. She most likely is just trying to scare you into doing what she wants. Tell her to bring it on and then stand back and watch absolutely nothing happen!

I’d just ignore it OP. A solicitor will write whatever they’re asked, doesn’t mean it has any substance.

How did they get your email address at all?.

This is also all about power and control and your mother still wants absolute over you and your children. She wants to use her favoured child as a form of narcissistic supply whilst making your other dc the scapegoat.

I would seek your own legal advice and ask your solicitor to respond to this accordingly.

Whilst there are no automatic legal rights for grandparents, court actions for contact can be raised. However she would have to show it was in your DCs best interest to have contact, and demonstrate a prior relationship that you were unreasonably denying her.

My work email address is public, there’s nothing I can do about that because of the nature of my role.

I’m so gutted. She did have regular contact with the children before we went NC and the messages between us to not demonstrate how dysfunctional it was. Conversations asking for change were in person and very carefully constructed.

I did report her ongoing unwanted contact following NC to the police multiple times but haven’t got as far as charging her yet.

My daughter would still happily have contact with her — shes 8 and has been lovebombed/ manipulated.

She stalked/ harassed my dad after their relationship breakdown for 20+ years.

I don’t think she has much cash money left anymore, hoping that it is the limiting factor and she’s hoping to scare me into falling back into line 😔

Who advised your mothers Solicitor that you work for this organisation?.

Continue to keep your children well away from your serial abuser in the shape of your mother. Your daughter as well is too young to realise that she’s been manipulated by her grandmother.

I’m a university lecturer — you just have to google my name and I’m the first result 🤷🏻‍♀️

Let her take it to court. I doubt she has the time and means to pursue it. If you moved across the country will it even be worth her pursuing contact?

We are now 4 hours from her. She would pursue contact for control, yes. I can only hope she doesn’t find means to pay for court.

This happened to us.

Grandparents have standing to apply to court for an order. That doesn't mean they will get it.

We successfully had my in laws case dismissed on the first court date, but it was incredibly stressful and expensive.

I have been through similar.

I wrote down everything about the abuse I had suffered. Every instance. I got people who witnessed things she said/did to give supporting statements. It was emotionally tough, so it took a while.

I also got statements from nursery, school etc to say that my kids were thriving, had friends, emotionally stable.

I didn't initially respond to the first letter, but 3 months later another came.

That's when I consulted a solicitor, my solicitor responded with the file of statements and details of the abuse I suffered at her hands. She said I would stand up in court and give my whole story , plus any evidence I had (texts, emails, as well as statements from others) if she wanted to take it that far.

I was 'lucky' that she dropped it pretty quickly after that. The shame of her not seeing her grandkids was overridden by the thought of her being outed for everything she did (although she still tells everyone I'm mentally ill, have PND from my 21yo, and also have munchausen by proxy because one of my dc was seriously ill once).

So my advice would be to do what you can to collect evidence of her abuse, and prove your kids are happy and healthy. She may well just be ashamed anough that she wouldn't want to drag it through court. If she does then you're going to need as much proof as you can anyway.

Sorry you're going through this op. It really sucks, and it's scary to think a court can override your decisions as a parent 💐

Have you looked up the solicitors practice to see if they are legitimate ?

Could you look into getting a cease-and-desist letter to her ?

Could you look into getting a court order ?

I would take it seriously and get a good solicitor. You need to give a judge a good reason to say no, or have something to bring up publicly that will give her pause.

She must know you've moved if she knows where you work. You should speak to a lawyer. Right now nothing has been served so you can just ignore the letter and see if she follows up further. Use that time to start building your case.

I had free telephone legal advice today — they said because she hasn’t had any contact with the children for over 14 months, she has very little chance. There’s no evidence of a recent relationship.

I’m scared to feel too reassured after the other stories here. Hopefully, the lack of relationship, my safeguarding concerns, moving across the country and already reporting her to the police are enough.

I gave my first statement to the police for stalking in June and my second statement this week, she has no knowledge and hasn’t been arrested yet. I’m really worried that when she gets arrested soon, she will double her efforts.

Thats good that you've had some legal advice.

I understand you are scared to feel too reassured. Perhaps you can allow yourself to feel a little less anxious but don't get complacent about documenting every single thing that she does and going to the police each time .

There might be some useful information here for you
www.paladinservice.co.uk/

Were the police helpful to your father when he was stalked by your mother ? Was she convicted?

So sorry to hear this. Get a good solicitor. Keep fantastic notes. Have been through this and it is horrid.