NC with mother — solicitor letter

[LongDistanceLife]

I’ve had a letter from my mum who I have been no contact with for over a year and moved across the country to ensure that this remains the case. She has mental health issues and suffered with alcoholism during my upbringing, for years I was a victim of FOG and feel proud to have achieved NC.

I have two DC aged 8 and 10 who she used to have contact with as well. They are the major reason I became NC. She used to favourite DD over DS and made DD keep secrets from me, etc. which worried me from a safeguarding perspective. Additionally, she used to put a lot of pressure on my DD to be her “best friend” and was starting to become emotionally manipulative with DD. DS refused to spend time with her by the time we went NC.

She does not know where I live or have any means of contact. Tonight I have received an email through my new work email address (which is public) with a solicitors letter requesting contact with the children and mediation or she will take me to court for access.

I have taken measures to protect my children, does she have a case?

I'm so sorry your going through this. It makes me furious that they belive they are entitled to a relationship with your children. It absolutely terrifies me that there is a legal process that feeds their ego in this way and gives them a shot at getting what they want. I really hope you manage to get through it all with what you want intact and it doesn't cause you too much stress in the meantime

So the matter ended up going to court. I was represented but my mum was not. By some miracle, the magistrates decided not to grant her permission to continue with her application. She was very angry and shouted out more than once. It has been long, stressful and expensive but I feel so very lucky.

The children are old enough to make up their own mind the court will not force them.
If it ever gets to court. Which I doubt.

Glad that worked in your favour OP. Did the magistrate give any reason for not allowing your mother to proceed?

What an update.

I bet you're pretty relieved right now. And vindicated.

Well i'm very glad that it all worked out well for you OP - hopefully that will be the last you hear of the matter. Did your mother manage to get your home/work address during this process? You may need to be prepared for further direct harrassment if so.

A great update. I’m sorry your mother put you through all this.

I can't believe it managed to get as far as getting to court.

I'm delighted for you.

Pop open a bottle of bubbles when you get home today (if you're not already working from there) and celebrate!

The pain and anguish she put you through. Terrible.

So glad you had the resolution that was best for you and your children. But gosh, what a nightmare for you! This sort of stuff fills me with nightmares. My mum thankfully lives outside the UK and even when she did have contact with my children, it was only a couple times a year, due to the distance. It's the sort of bs she would try though and it fills me with dread thinking about it. It's only been since we moved house and she also doesn't know our address that I've been able to relax about this sort of thing, or random deliveries of stuff that turn up for me. I hope you can finally have some peace now and she leaves you well and truly alone.

No, don't do that. What a terrible idea.

And no, @LongDistanceLife, your mother has no case and she is wasting her own money and time. My response would be a polite letter to the solicitor asking them to tell their 'client' to desist from harassing you or you will report any 2nd instance to the police.

Oh shit SO SO SORRY I didn't look at the dates! Many apologies.

And well done.

Excellent news op. Enjoy your new peace of mind. I hope there are no more nasty surprises.

Thanks so much for updating, OP. So glad to hear this outcome.

She doesn't have any rights to take to you to court. Ignore. Grandparent rights don't exist

You need to read the thread.

Great update, Op.

Yes, we presented a position statement which detailed abuse, etc. but at this stage none of that was proven or had evidence to support it. We also detailed how settled they were and how costly, extensive and emotionally challenging the court process would be for the courts, families but most importantly the children.

The reason they gave was that the children had been through so much change with their parents separating, moving across the country, their mum getting married and now pregnant with another child, that it was not in the children’s best interests to put them through the full court process (the children would have to be interviewed, etc.) and potential unsettling of reintroducing their grandparent. This is all true but I think they also based their decision on her behaviour in court, she was so erratic.

She has my work address because you can find it when you google me. As far as I know, she has not managed to get my address or the children’s father’s address in the process. She used to hire a private detective to get this sort of information about my dad when I was younger so I wouldn’t be surprised if she has found a way to get it. That said, if she contacted me again, she would be arrested again.

I don’t feel fully relaxed and celebratory. She was so angry and can be so malicious. I was left feeling a little weight in my stomach of what was going to be next. I think she is running out of options though.

I'm so sorry you ended up in court. I'm glad she's at least been told now and you don't have to worry about her threatening it in the future.

This example thing happened to us, so expensive and stressful.

I hope you can do something nice for yourself now and start to try and recover from it all.

She absolutely did have the right to take them to court.

Grandparents don't have an automatic right to access but they absolutely have the right to drag the parents to court to ask for it.

Fuck her

id just ignore it
maybe have a statement ready which says in more legal language what you say here

she’s wasting her time and money

She has no automatic legal right

she can seek Mediation , but you have no obligation to engage

I am glad she wasn't given the chance to take this to court. I hope you can now move on with your lives💐

You are so strong and brave 🍷

It's not just for fathers in the same way as MN is not just for mothers.