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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any dating success stories for 50+ folk?

18 replies

NorthAngel · 10/11/2022 18:34

Hi,

Feeling utterly down about the dating scene. Ended a 23 year marriage two years ago (dead in the water) and thought I’d find someone before now. My marriage ended as I hit menopause and my head was turned (no bloody wonder looking back though).

Joined a couple of dating sites about 9 months ago and had a few first dates. We either didn’t connect, they wanted a quickie (and would clearly have done a runner afterwards) or messages just filtered out and I was unmatched by them. One guy chatted to me for 4 months and we went away together (in separate hotels although did dtd whilst away - he struggled with ED I think) and we had a lovely time and really saw potential although I found him difficult to get conversation out of at times. He was lovely though and very polite/intelligent but had never married and had no kids. Seemed to lack emotional connection and didn’t like commitment even though he regretted not finding the one and settling down. Plus, he felt the 35 miles between us was a barrier. I asked him straight out after a few days of silence after our trip what his intentions were and he just said he had had doubts about me!! Not sure why as I’m attractive (so I’m told by men at work), intelligent, passionate and lovely (blowing my own trumpet but I really am)!! I’m also at senior level in my career and financially sound. No word from the guy I went away with since the chat! He even said he really enjoyed being away with me!!

Please tell me there are success stories out there for us old folk! I’m 50 but a young 50 . I am feeling fed up after living in a sexless and loveless marriage for so long and now alone all the time. All of my siblings and parents are RIP. My eldest lives with his dad and my youngest lives in her room and doesn’t speak to me much!

What am I doing wrong? Btw- I swipe left on most men!

Eldest will be flying the nest next year and youngest has plans to join the RAF at 18 (3 years time). I’m going to be a sad cat lady aren’t I? I don’t have a cat…yet!!!

OP posts:
NorthAngel · 10/11/2022 18:40

I cry everyday now 😢

OP posts:
LemonDrop22 · 10/11/2022 18:42

I have an acquaintance who was single for a long time after a divorce in her ... Maybe 30s, not sure.

She did a lot of sailing for a while but did not meet anyone single through it.

She met people in work and on holiday who propositioned her for affairs, which she turned down. I think the work one was difficult because they had developed a bond/affinity over a long while.

Anyway! She went to a Ceili dancing class thing in a hotel near her, got approached by a young woman (bear with me) who asked if she was single, and asked if she'd go on a date with her uncle, a widower. She agreed. Theyve been seeing each other for years now. She lives with him half the week and in her own home the rest of the time. They are both keen on cruises and have been on loads together. They go to all their family events together. They go to horse races everywhere as he's a fan.

The relationship had ended twice for short periods so far but they've been back together for quite a long time now.

LemonDrop22 · 10/11/2022 18:43

I forgot to make it clear she was in her 50s when they met.

LemonDrop22 · 10/11/2022 18:46

My aunt also met someone in her 50s (or maybe late 40s I'm not totally sure).

She is keen in live music, country music etc. She goes out to a lot of gigs, singers, bands etc - usually in rural hotels (we're in NI so pretty rural everywhere) and she met a divorced man at one. She's quite outspoken/outgoing so she probably started talking to him.

They've been together years now, got married, he'd a builder and essentially built their house including an annexe for her son and family, they seem very happy.

His ex wife had cheated on him incidentally, silly woman.

Tastytango · 10/11/2022 18:47

I feel for you, it is tough. It is only two years give it time. Each decade has different dating challenges unique to the individual. I am a believer in fate, all you can do is give it a helping hand and believe what is meant to be will happen. We all have a different destiny.

youlightupmyday · 10/11/2022 18:51

I met my DP at 47, 2.5 years after my married broke down. I had been on 17 OLD dates and also dated two younger guys that I met through friends. I had the approach of just wanting fun when my kids where with their dad as all my precious couple social life had withered. Met DP by accident. Never loved anyone like this before and he loves me right back. He is 51 and I am 49 now.

LemonDrop22 · 10/11/2022 18:51

My aunt is a voracious socialiser by the way.... She'll ask anyone to go out with her so she can get out socially. When she's out she'll engage with people a lot and start talking to them.

She's still like that, years married.

As they say around here "shy wee 'uns don't get sweeties".

Homewardbound2022 · 10/11/2022 19:08

OP, instead of OLD, get yourself into a sport : cycling, golf, tennis, triathlon, running...there's clubs for all of these and they attract men! A great way to be outdoors, keeping fit and the social side is an ideal way to meet people from all walks of life who have an interest/hobby in common.

NorthAngel · 10/11/2022 19:21

Ahhh. Nice to read of success stories. It gives me hope.
Yes, the guy I was chatting to for months/who I went away with is a very keen runner! I go swimming at a local leisure club but it’s usually quiet. I have thought about venturing into the hotel bar afterwards though! I might also start doing the Saturday morning park run (5k) as I used to be a keen cross country runner when I was young. It’ll get me out of the house as I dread being off work at weekends as my teen daughter saps my soul sometimes! All she wants to do is go shopping! I hate shopping these days. Plus, I’m a cash machine to her!

I really want to find someone to have fun with, enjoy their company and just spend time with. It’s not easy! I struggled when I was younger as I was pretty quiet so avoided bars etc. and it probably explains why I ended up marrying an older man who I wasn’t compatible with!

OP posts:
FootfallFootball · 10/11/2022 21:42

You sound lively with an interesting life. So instead of online dating, keep meeting people in real life perhaps.
Then you will meet men who are brave enough to leave the house. They could be more of a match for you.

bloodywhitecat · 10/11/2022 21:54

I came out of a 25 year marriage, after a while I joined Tinder at the age of 54. I set myself some boundaries, one of which was 'no profile = left swipe, I was scrolling through one day when I saw a photo I liked but there was no profile and I went to swipe left but swiped right instead. I was busy trying to figure out how to undo what I did when Mr. NoProfile sent a message, I responded and the rest is history. After a couple of weeks we met up and never looked back. A year later we moved in together and after four years we married. He was the love of my life.

ApexLegend · 10/11/2022 22:18

This thread from last year might give you hope!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/style_and_beauty/4319853-Oh-dear-God-help-me-My-first-date-in-18-years

cato40 · 10/11/2022 22:19

There is nothing sad about having a cat!

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/11/2022 22:27

I came out of a 25 year marriage a few years ago. Apparently my menopause was so difficult for him (!), he had to have an affair… I was single for a couple of years before meeting my now-partner through mutual friends. I would have been happily single for longer but fate said otherwise!

TBOM · 10/11/2022 22:45

I’m 50, left my marriage a couple of years ago and focused really hard on getting to a place where I had a good life that makes me happy before starting dating. Some apps a lot better than others - but I met some really lovely people. No spark with most of them but then met someone amazing. Think it’s really going somewhere. I happier than I think I’ve ever been in my life.

WednesdaysChild11 · 10/11/2022 22:50

I mean yes, lots! If the program first dates is anything to go by...

NorthAngel · 11/11/2022 06:22

ApexLegend · 10/11/2022 22:18

Oh my goodness! I’ve just spent two hours reading this thread from start to finish. It made me laugh and cry but so glad she found the one! She has such an amazing way with words and so funny!

There is hope.

OP posts:
NorthAngel · 11/11/2022 06:27

I agree with the kissing though! I only kissed one frog before my husband. He was a cheater (not the husband, the frog before him). My husband couldn’t kiss at all. I’ve kissed a few on dates and definitely discovered a dribbler 😂.

Hopefully, a Prince is out there somewhere 😊.

Thanks for the stories. It’s giving me hope xxx 😘

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