Partner hygiene

[Janetoo]

I've been with my partner for a year now and his level of hygiene is bugging me. I am constantly aware of when he uses the loo he doesn't wash his hands and he doesn't like having a shower everyday. We have talked about it several times and he knows it upsets me and a massive turn off. Nothing changes. I had been single for years and wanted to do everything to fix this relationship. Starting to feel like I should be single and maybe alot of men are hygiene challenged

Blurrghh 🤮

How old is he?
Does he smell?
Is he tidy/his house clean?
Do you have sex?

You’ve been together a year?

Honestly, it’s about 51 weeks too long.

Personally I’d be honest and cool the relationship explaining the lack of hygiene makes you feel sick

That’s really disgusting especially that you’ve had conversations about it and nothing changes. The shame of someone bringing that up to me would be enough for me to do something about my hygiene….

Assuming you don't live together as it's only been a year so he should be easier to dump if he doesn't improve.

You cannot fix this so stop trying and you and he should no longer be together.

nope, this will not improve. this stuff is learned in childhood.
there are clean men out there.

wanted to do everything to fix this relationship

Why are you wanting to fix the fact that he chooses not to wash? This is how he is. You've told him you don't like it, and he doesn't care. So this is him.

When you've talked to someone to say you have a problem with their behaviour, you've done all the fixing you can. If they don't respect your feelings, you don't keep on fixing: you leave, because an essential facet of a healthy relationship is caring how the other person feels.

He’s seriously gross. Are you having sex with him? Expect better and don’t put up with less.

I've certainly never been with a man who is 'hygiene challenged' op so I don't think it's normal. It might be his normal but not most people's and more importantly not yours.

It would be a massive turn off for me if he wasn't even doing the basics of showering daily and handwashing and if you've raised this and he is still continuing then he can't be surprised if/when you end things. It would scream lack of respect to me.

He wouldn't be my partner any longer. Why is he yours?

The dirty herb won't change.

Why do you want a partner so much that you put up with this?

Unfortunately, not in every childhood. I was not encouraged to wash every day as a young child. It was only as I got older I realised I did not 'feel clean'. It then became almost a battle of wits where my mother would do everything she could to make washing or bathing bloody difficult. I don't know why, possibly because she was a bitch and could I suppose. Even brushing my teeth became an excuse for bitching.

The moment I left home it was with relief that I could wash/bathe when I wanted to.

Now, I can't understand any grown person keeping clean, unless there are real issues \9mental/homelessness, etc.)that means they can't or find it difficult.

Put a pump action hand sanitiser in the bathroom in the hope he may use it? It won’t clean shit off hands right enough, bleaurgh.

Or dump and move on.

@billyt your mum didn't want you to wash??

FFS, stop wasting your fucking time. He's gross and that's clearly not changing.

It’s not every man by any means.

I shower at least once, usually twice, daily and have never bypassed the sink after going to the loo. Mind you, I do see a fair number of blokes in pub loos who don’t bother - I find it as grim as you and most of the PPs do.

That must have been really tough @billyt I'm sorry to hear that

You can't "fix the relationship." Only he can, and it's obvious he's not going to change. Move on.

'Fixing the relationship' from his point of view would be to get OP to accept him as he is.

Yuck. I would say you smell, please wash yourself. If he didn't, I would ask him to leave. Actually, I would just ask him to leave.

Disrespectful. And probably more on purpose than you think, OP. (Wish I didn’t have this long history of men where I could think back to “the one that didn’t wash” and the time I realised he was doing it intentionally because he thought I was a nag!)

Post of the evening!

You can't change him.