Spontaneous sex

[34and3]

Am I the only one to not be able to go for it without shaved legs, freshly showered etc?! Fwiw been with dh 11 years and have three kids so sex is rare at the best of times but spontaneous. How?!

Do you want to have sex? I wouldn’t let feeling that I needed to be squeaky clean and completely shaven prevent me from having sex if I wanted to have sex. I shave every other day and will always have had a shower at some point on any given day, so I’m perfectly clean and groomed enough whenever. I’m going to presume you’re likewise and wash and groom reasonably regularly as opposed to only washing once a week or whatever? Who or what has made you feel that you’re dirty and this isn’t good enough?

As to the “how?” - go to Burning Man and camp for a week in the Nevada desert most years without access to running water and covered in a thin film of alkaline dust from start to finish because there’s no escaping it. Do that once and your standards soon drop!

Me and OH don’t care about all that sort of stuff 🤷🏼‍♀️ Spontaneous sex is rare because of the kids but I wouldn’t let unshaven legs put me off 😂

Sex shouldn’t be a military operation! Would your husband even notice if you had a bit of stubble.. would he care?

sex threads on mumsnet always go in the direction of who is having the cleanest sex. It’s getting boring.

I used to be like you OP but DH has been quite clear that he'd rather have me stubbly and not shower-fresh than not at all and we have enough barriers to sex already (DC, DH working away, life!) so these days I just go with it. We do still make the effort when we can (DH knows I prefer him clean shaven so I don't get snog rash for example) but neither of us makes it a condition. Frankly if we waited for the stars to align so everything was perfect we'd never have any sex and stubbly sex is better than no sex at all

For a date night, I'd tend to have shaved legs, lovely perfume, etc but if the urge overtakes you both (and the kids are elsewhere) why would you worry? Does your DH worry if his face isn't clean shaven or if his pubes need a trim? I bet he doesn't!

I assume you'll have showered at some point in the previous 24 hours so I don't see the problem.

For us a quickie tends not to diverge from the 'main event', ie usually no oral, so your nose is far from the action if that's what you're worried about! 😂

If it’s spontaneous there’s not even time to get yer coat off

I like to have a shower but if we just did it without any ahem oral foreplay I wouldn't mind.

Would your husband even notice if your legs weren't freshly shaved? Sure, half an inch of hair would be obvious, but dh doesn't touch my legs much during sex (are we doing it wrong?!) so wouldn't notice a bit of stubble and tbh even if he did notice he wouldn't care. Like pp, we both shower at some point every day and if we've exercised would shower after, so I don't worry if my last shower was in the morning. We're more likely to perform oral on each other if we've showered more recently but it wouldn't put us off having sex altogether

I don't think my DP would care in all honesty.

The only thing I care about is if it's in the morning that he's gone and brushed his teeth. No thank you death breath.

I make a point of staying shaven all over (excluding head obviously) so I don’t fall into the trap of falling unattractive because I’m not at my usual. I’m not saying I always go full makeup and glamour but at the least, shaven, smelling reasonable, brushed teeth and decent hair.

I find that makes a difference as I never feel to bad about my looks and a compliment here or there can get me up without my inner voice saying “but Polly your legs look like a warthogs back”

Honestly though the feeling of needing to be freshly showered before sex is a little odd to me, surely unless you’ve just played 5 sets of tennis or something you wouldn’t be that dirty or smelly anyway?

For me it is not shaven legs but I need to be confident it is clean down there otherwise I can't enjoy it.

Shaved legs? Ha!

I so want to go to Burning Man, very jealous :)

Life is too short, loosen up. I'm sure your husband would appreciate it.

I could be a sweaty hairy yeti and if I'm in the mood, I'll jump DH without a seconds thought 😂 I do prefer to be freshly showered and shaved but if the mood takes us, we're going for it!

If your legs are always hair free, then you're always ready for spontaneity. However, if you asked your DH, he probably wouldn't care either way, so that's more about you than him or sex.

I love sex and sex with my husband too much to care about any of that to be honest. We have DC as well, both work full time etc but there is no way i am missing out on good sex because I am not 2 mins out from the shower. Husband is the same.

If my DH didn't want to shag me because I had stubbly legs he wouldn't be my DH for much longer.

There's been times I've had an arsehole hairier than Ken Dodd's head and DP hasn't flinched, just more than happy to oblige me and enjoy it for the opportunity that it is!

Honestly, it’s slightly odd that you’re so self-conscious about having sex with your husband of 11 years with whom you share 3 kids. It’s very different than when you’re in the early days or outside of a committed relationship.

I appreciate that couples have different boundaries and comfort levels with each other (I don’t want to be in the bathroom when DH is having a shit or whatever!), and it’s also much nicer if you’re both clean, obviously - but the whole ‘can’t shag with stubbly legs’ seems a bit … uptight? Are you someone who finds it difficult to relax generally?

Or is it because you’re worried about what he might think or say? In which case you probably don’t need to worry! Unless he’s the kind of insecure arsehole who’ll comment on it to undermine you (in which case you’ve got a bigger problem than leg stubble), most men are delighted if you just show up with a fanny and a smile on your face 🤷‍♀️

Wow , some of my ( abet sparse ) leg hair is probably 10mms long. I'm sure If I asked my wfh dh to spare a few minutes for a quickie , I think he'd oblige .

If it looks like sex is on the cards, I like to start telling my husband all the ways in which I feel unprepared ("ok, I feel a bit bloated from dinner, my bikini line is, well quite frankly, a horror show, I last shaved my legs in June, I'm not taking off my socks because it's too cold etc."). It's like foreplay for us.

I think I feel I need to warn him but he really couldn't care less. I don't think I care either. I just need him to know!

I'm like this too. Thankfully, so is my Dh. We literally never have spontaneous sex and I thank my lucky stars every day 😅 I was married to someone before who used to want it all the time and I used to dread going to bed at night. Bed at night is for sleeping. I like a pre-planned session with plenty of advanced notice. And for way longer than 10 mins. It's not for everyone but it suits us!

There's no wrong or right way to have sex. Do what you need for it to be enjoyable.