Husbands 'nail biting' habit, does anyone know what this is?

[mossgreen]

I have been with H 30 years. He has always 'bitten his nails' to some extent. A self soothing habit.
In July 2019 he had an episode of completely unexplained and irrational intense rage. It could only be described as a huge tantrum. He terrified me and made some bizarre and startling accusations. He seemed to be a fundamentally different person afterwards. It was then that I noticed his 'nail biting' had now become really obsessive and intense.
He now spends 2-3 hours every day (or more) chewing, sucking, nibbling and rubbing his gums/teeth. He also pulls his beard and rubs the inside of his nostrils. DC both find it really disgusting and have repeatedly asked him to stop. He says he is 'trimming a rough edge' or 'a hangnail'.
There are other serious issues in the relationship and and I am struggling in many ways. I would like to know if any one understands this behaviour or has ever seen it in an adult before?
Thank you

Def got a lot worse following a specific incident in 2019. Always been quite hard work though.

Here's a label.

Drug addict.

Why on earth are you subjecting children to this? Seriously.

I want to think it thru first, and avoid a huge trauma for them (17&19yo)

This stood out to me. But your children are desperate for you to leave. Yes, there will absolutely be drama and he will make it as difficult as he can, and you need to think through the steps clearly to protect yourself and your children. But all that will still be better than the life you and your children have to lead now.

I do feel like you’re looking for a certainty that you’re not going to be able to find. At some point you have to take the big scary leap.

@AdventuringAway exactly right, this is what I am planning to do and building strength for. The next step is thinking through what needs to be done practically.

I'd think that you should speak to Women's Aid. They can help you with advice for next steps and how to keep safe.

How are you doing today @mossgreen ?

What has resonated with you from this thread?

That all sounds like my exH.

Swearing, cursing, blaming me, rages where his face would drain of colour, his lips would go white, his eyes would blaze, and he would spit flecks of saliva out of his mouth when he screeched at me.

He had (and probably still has) serious mental health problems and at least two Clustee B personality disorders. One therapist who saw us both said he was the most angry man she had even encountered.

You don't need to understand exactly what is wrong with him in order to tackle codependence. Codependency is about you, not his problems.

You do need to separate from him and take your children to safety. Make this your priority.

One day when exH hit me and choked me I called the police.

He refers to this day as "The day you wanted to get me arrested".

That is the level of twisted narcissism you are also dealing with.

Call Women's Aid 0808 2000 247 for help getting out of there.

Leave first.

Sort out your head later.

You will find you have a lot more mental clarity when he is no longer dominating the airspace in your environment.

Trichotillomania

I have made an appointment with a family solicitor in 2 weeks.
Thanks

Well done. Your job now isn't trying to make this "work" and understand why and support him. You're now in the business of practially and logistically managing a seperation and divorce, and getting you and the kids safe by not putting him first. This will go against all your conditioning, but you can do it.

Not sure if you've got Spotify but this is a worthwhile easy listen on codependence.

That must leave you with a big mix of difficult and possibly confusing / conflicting emotions.