He’s great but so keen

[Samibgton]

Seeing a new guy, it’s been about 8 weeks and we’re seeing each other 2-3 times a week. It’s going well and he’s a great person, I like him, like spending time with him etc.

i do fancy him but more than that he’s shown signs of being an amazing partner so I’d like to see where we go. He’s thoughtful, kind, switched on, very family orientated. All the great stuff and all this is making me like him even more.

a couple of things I’m not sure about. The sex is still quite awkward (but it’s early days snd he’s attentive as am I si assuming we will find our rhythm?)

he also seems to be very all in. He told me he loved me twice when we last met (!!) and I’m definitely not there yet so responded with I really like you. He’s stopped now, I think he’s realised it’s too early for me. Whenever we cuddle or are sat together privately, he’ll absolutely shower me with compliments (you’re pretty, you’re smart etc) which is so lovely but it’s a lot! I did make a joke saying he’ll make my head big and he’s cut down a bit.

is this love bombing? Would anyone find it a bit much?

he has a hilarious sense of humour and he’s very sharp so we can both be quite dry with each other which I really like (as in teasing and not taking things too seriously). It’s just the mushy stuff that is making me feel a bit nervous, it seems too much too soon.

can anyone advise?

He’s told you he loves you after such a short time?
that would be a red flag for me!

Sounds like love bombing. What's his situation? Does he have a house, job?

Yes, has amazing job (high earner etc - I am too) and owns his own house. I’m still renting.

it does seem very very soon to say those words though doesn’t it

It does yes but it's still early days, I'd give it a bit more time and if he continues then I'd tell him to back off a bit - his reaction will tell you all you need to know

That kind of intensity would put me right off.

I could just imagine that, several months down the line, he would be saying “but I don’t want you going out, I’d like you to stay in with me because I love you so much/would miss you” or whatever.

It is a red flag that he's told you so early, even if he's not doing on purpose.

The reality is he can't love you right now - he doesn't know you, and it's possible he's either just very infatuated or he's in love with the idea of you/being in love - either way, at some stage, however lovely you are, he will realise you're human after all, or the early exciting stage will become more dull, and he might not feel the same.

Worst case scenario, is he is an absolute narc and is doing it on purpose to ensnare you.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is!

Obviously everyones approach is different but my experience of men who say that they love me so soon into a relationship is that they suddenly vanish a few months later. So I’d be thinking love bombing or immaturity on his part.

I’d be more concerned about the sex. I find that if it isn’t great to start with, it doesn’t get any better. Could this be a sign of his inexperience?

I think you’re right to be cautious, and I’m glad that you’re aware of love-bombing. Lots of people on here will be along soon telling you this is a red flag but I don’t necessarily agree. And we can’t possibly tell, you are the one who knows him.
IMO it is too soon for the L word, but he has sensibly backed off with saying that and with the excessive compliments when you told him you weren’t comfortable with that.
Lots depends on how old you are… the older you both are (and the more experienced dating-wise) the more likely it is you both are to know your own minds.

The most important thing is that you go at the pace you are comfortable with. If you feel it’s too soon - then it is.
But equally don’t write him off, it’s possible that he is a genuine person, and just completely smitten with you. I hope that is the case (maybe I’m just a naive romantic)
Just be careful

Going against the grain. If you don’t love him after 8 weeks, I don’t think you ever will. We both knew by the end of the second date 🤷‍♀️

Nah, my partner was a grower, took me a good few months before I felt anything near love

My story: I dated for several weeks before sleeping with him, but after that saw him every single night (would go over even after night out seeing other friends). He moved in after 5 months, we were married 20+ years. We knew from the very start. In our mid-30s when when we met

Oh blah. My husband told me he loved me on week one. We decided to get married by the end of that week and have just celebrated 30 amazing years together.

I think if it's the right person then it's fine to be so keen that early, but the mis-match is the problem here. Likewise with the sex, I think you either click with someone or it's not really compatible and this is why so many women on here end up with DPs that have never really done it for them sexually. I think you're selling yourself on him because of his strong points, but really you're not that into him and that's why his keenness is putting you off. Might as well move on.

I'd just keep your eye on the intensity and the love declarations and the over the top compliments. If you continue to feel uneasy then there's your answer.

However, with regard to awkward sex, after eight weeks as adults (with I'm assuming previous experience) I'm thinking you've done it enough now to know if you're compatible or not. Awkward how? As in, bumped noses a few times, and oops that's the wrong hole, or awkward as in you feel awkward when you have sex with him?

Yeah I have to agree with this actually. We said it ridiculously early and in hindsight, it was obviously infatuation rather than real love at that point. But we have a great relationship 3 years on and are engaged, no red flags here

I wouldn’t let it put you off him, but proceed with a bit of caution and be aware of any other signs cropping up. Like previous posters have said, just be honest with him that you aren’t quite there yet and his reaction should tell you what you need to know

Thanks all, some good points.

awkward as in sometimes it doesn’t go in (which I think is a me problem) as still getting used to him but I enjoy it when we do it. Also we are still using condoms which neither of us like so I’m in the process of getting onto the pill which will make it easier I think. He is more experienced than me and very attentive so I think communication will make it better?

Erm, what about STDs - I wouldn't be dropping the condoms until you've both seen clear tests!

Also I’m the kind of person who needs a really strong emotional connection to get in the mood for sex and like the person. So I think the sex Will get better as I get to know him. Does that resonate with anyone? Also communication always makes these things better i think as you learn what you’re both into

And what don't you like about condoms? I can understand why he might not but why don't you?

Circumstances meant we ended up living together 4 weeks after we started seeing each other. To be fair we had been mates for several years and I knew his background . 9 years ago and we are still very much in love and together.

He sounds a bit like my DH when we got together.

He wasn’t love bombing but was insecure and did my head in a little by being a bit needy in the first year. He had me on a bit of a pedestal I think once said “I’ve been looking for you for a long time” and I was slightly horrified and said “you hardly know me, so you haven’t been looking for me at all, just for someone!”

He was (and still is) much more emotional and sensitive and demonstrative than I am.

He also wasn’t “my type” and the sex wasn’t great to start with. There was obviously something there though as I carried on seeing him! He was very very funny and he treated me well. I’d never been with someone who was so thoughtful about my needs and who so obviously adored me and was so open about it. I’d always chased after the “bad boys” when younger 😳

6 years on, we are happily married. I still fancy him more than I ever have anyone and the sex is the best I’ve ever had (not sure when it changed but it certainly did!). He is no longer needy at all, but is still romantic and thoughtful. He is a fantastic stepdad, he supports me through everything and we still laugh together so much.

If I’d gone just off mumsnet type of opinion then I’d have ditched him early on for being too much. We aren’t all prefect and there are some men who a bit desperate and are really hoping to find someone/have had bad experiences in the past as well as women (I’ve certainly had female friends like that, who scared off potential suitors by being too full on too soon!) but it doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love or that they won’t be good long term partners.

My DH is still convinced that he punching above his weight with me (he really isn’t, he is actually the better looking one and is objectively gorgeous, he just doesn’t see himself that way). Better than being the other way around though and being with someone who takes you for granted!

Red flags. Potential love bomber or sudden ghoster. Proceed with caution!

*fantastic stepdad to my DC, obviously- that just sounded a bit weird when I read it back!

I don't think saying I love you is a red flag, my husband and I said it to each other after 3 weeks and that was nearly 9 years ago. I think you should see how things go for abit longer, like you said he's backed off with the I love yous and compliments so maybe you're just finding your rhythm together still.

I met and married my husband within 3 months of meeting him
We have been married 22 years

I think you either really like someone from the beginning or it’s a bit of Mr Ok for now

But if the sex isn’t any good to start with and still isn’t any good after 8 weeks then I don’t think it will get any better only worse