He said he lost sexual attraction to me -why is he back?

[user711]

I was with my ex for 3 years. Great friendship. Amazing chemistry.

Few months ago he broke up with me claiming he wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. I was gutted. For the last few months of our relationship, sex wasn't great as I think he was having a few "problems" in bed which he was embarrassed about. I told him it was okay these things happen.

He then broke up with me but maintained he wanted to be friends. He meant it.

However, my heartbreak sooned turned to anger and it allowed me to move forward. I started replying to him less and less, messages were more matter-of-fact, I didn't make jokes or respond to them anymore. Some days I wouldn't even respond to him until he then sent more messages.

Now he says he wants me back. Why? Is it the chase? Is it wanting what he can't have? When we broke up he was adamant it was done forever.

Just to add, he never blamed his bedroom problems on me.

i think he was seeing someone else and they dumped him.

He was shagging someone else and now he's not and wants you back would be my guess

Yep, the other woman isn't interested or he's realised the grass isn't greener.

Could definitely be the chase. Men seem to want what they can’t have.
ignore him op.

He has realised the grass isn’t greener maybe?
regardless he isn’t worth your time

Whatever the reason you don't need him back. find someone who really wants you.

*he broke up with me claiming he wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore.

Just to add, he never blamed his bedroom problems on me.*

Maybe I'm wring but to me he sort of did.

It's not impossible but unlikely that gecwenr from sexual attraction and good chemistry to none relatively quickly (not a years long relationship) do it seems to me that he either covered up his ed problems by saying he was no longer attracted, or he genuinely convinced himself his ed problems were due to lack of attraction.
Perhaps he has sorted then out or realised they were not since then.

Alternatively he may have lost attraction but regained it since you started moving away from him and he stared doubting he could have you easily or at all.

Or, as others have said, maybe he got involved with someone else and it's failed.

In any case scenario, I'd probably not get back with him.

I don't think it matters why he has come crawling back. You might never get to the right answer, even if you asked him, all you can do is speculate and stew over it which will be a drain.
Make it a firm no thanks and leave it at that, try not to fall into the mind games and dramas of second guessing his motives, it sounds like he's not worth the mental energy for that.

When we broke up he was adamant it was done forever.

This kind of flakiness in anyone, let alone a mature man, is not a good relationship quality.

You have acted exactly the way you should (though since might say you should've not bothered being friends with him) and have good self esteem. It would be a pity to give him another chance to flake after a while, which seems likely. Nor does he deserve another chance.

He's realised what he's lost, could of been chasing after someone else but backfired, and hopes you'll still have him back. Don't even contemplate it, keep moving forward.

You might never get to the right answer, even if you asked him

If it was another love interest, he probably won't be honest.

It might be worth probing why he wants to get back together.... Why he thinks the sexual attraction is enough when it wasn't before, why he wants back when he was adamanr he wouldn't; id ask that and keep pushing past any BS.

Don'taccept him back. EXCEPT if he comes clean with you and says exactly what HIS problems were and that he got into the wrong headspace. Anything else shows a completely lack of respect for you and probably would mean that he went off looking for better, but came back because he couldn't find it... (Not that there is better, but that would be his mind set at the time).

Move forward not back.

There’s a word for how he thinks of you. Bangmaid.

This is a two party transaction. He wants a bangmaid . Are you going to be a bangmaid?

Like PP said - sounds very much to me like he got interested in someone else and finished with you for her. That’s why he was so ready to tell you there was no going back. Except it hasn’t worked out with her and now he wants back.

"And now you're back,
From outer space,
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face..."

• I Will Survive

They've been following this script since at least the 70s. Tell him to do one. Stay angry.

He's just a cockwomble who blamed you for his inability to get an erection ffs !

He did not suddenly find you 'unattractive' sexually !

He probably couldn't 'perform' with you, because he was 'performing' with someone else for a while !

Now that other person has dumped him, he's 'suddenly' decided that you are sexy after all ?? 🤔🙄 Nah ! Tell him to get lost luv, you're worth 100 of him !

He kind of did though in a round about way if he said the reason he broke up with you was because he wasn't sexually attracted to you anymore

Agree: he was seeing was someone else. He’s now realised that the grass wasn’t greener or she’s dumped him. Just say no. Don’t explain.

Sounds like you're over him anyway so just tell him to jog on and block.

He might not have been seeing someone else / cheating on you, but had convinced himself he could get someone else who he viewed as “better”. So he’s either found that actually, he can’t get someone “better”, or he did start dating someone else and found out that actually you were better all along.

Dont be some man’s consolation prize.

The fact he hasn't given you an explanation says it all.

Why do you care why he thinks/feels what he does? What difference does it make to you? Why are you wasting your time on him and his mindset?

Make your questions about why you do what you do, not why he does what he does. Your life is about you, not him. He was a bit part; you're the lead character.