Is this worrying behaviour

[Citrus454]

Since taking my DH back after he had an affair, he retaliates to me saying anything about access to phones, him changing passcodes, contact with the OW - he still works in the office beside her - to questioning some of the things he said in the affair aftermath. So anything I say to rock the boat, he responds by getting angry. He has broken a laptop screen and a drawer handle and tonight a glass by throwing a spoon into a glass tumbler with such force it shattered. This was in front of the DCs. I didn’t react because I didn’t want to frighten them but inside I’m thinking I’m in an abusive marriage and how did this happen!

His behaviour is abusive. He clearly thinks that you should shut up and forget about his affair and is being violent in an attempt to silence you. You decided to take him back but it's perfectly ok to change your mind and decide to split. Do you have anywhere that you can escape to?

Stop thinking you are in an abusive relationship. You are in one. He's the one who has something to prove. He's not even trying.

Yes. An abusive, violent, deceitful man. You and your children don't deserve this.

I’m not sure I do have anywhere to escape to. He will say that I make he seethe with rage and then I start to think maybe if I could just be this or that but I know that isn’t right. My DC deserve better than this.

He's gaslighting you.

this will be an ongoing issue, as he’s not helping rebuild the trust and you have lost trust (quite rightly so), my ex reacted the same when I found out about the affair, please please consider leaving

Get away from him.

If he is violent call the police

You took him back. That's how it happened.

What's going on is that he does not want to be questioned by you at all. He wants to whatever he wants and you are to silently accept it.

You are trying to rebuilt trust and honesty and are asking reasonable questions. His response shows that he will use violence and threat to silence you and keep you in your box.

Asking questions at this point becomes a risk and I think best not to ask any more.

Best instead to think, this is unfortunately over and now I have to get out.

Don't provoke him, try to get upstairs to bed, can you sleep in your child's room tonight? Have your phone on you and ring 999 and give your location if he scares you. x

Sounds like he's still having the affair to me.

Nobody's that defensive if they've got nothing to hide.

So he shags ow, continues to work with her. Wormed himself back into your life, then gets violent, aggressive, argumentative and blames you for HIS reaction? I take it his fucking his ow was your fault too?
Bloody hell OP get this abusive arsehole away from you and your kids. You've given him the green light to fuck you about over and over. Take back the control.

I'm currently in bed beside my DS. DH spent the rest of the evening banging cupboard doors, mocking me and just generally being awful. I bathed DC, gave them supper then went up to bed where they joined me after. DH then changes into new clothes and says he’s going to the shop - comes back an hour and a half later. He thinks I’m the crap on the bottom of his shoe.

This is awful. I am so sorry he is like this. You have to quietly plan to leave him. You are in real life inside an increasingly abusive relationship. He sounds dangerous and vindictive. Please seek support to protect yourself and your DC. I also suspect he may well be continuing with the affair. Do you work? Do you own/rent? Family nearby?

You say you took him back after he an affair. Does that mean he left and if so can you get him to leave again, telling him it's not working?

His behaviour is very worrying
The getting changed to go to the shop and being out for so long is a red flag
I would suspect he went to call or visit the ow / ex ?
Get advice from woman's aid on account of his behaviour . You don't have to be bruised to be abused x
Keep thinking of the life your children deserve x

Why on earth would you want him back?

Is behaviour worrying?

Well, are you worried about it, @Citrus454 ?

You are in an abusive relationship after he cheated on you. Was it like this before? Why did you take him back? What do you think you might do about it? I’ve been in your shoes, stay strong 💐

Please please please don’t stay there until he harms you.
Make immediate plans to get away with your kids. Immediate.
It won’t be easy, but consider the alternative.

You need to change the locks, get a lawyer and get rid

Your husband should be doing EVERYTHING to gain your trust and respect back.

These are not signs of someone who is trying to work on their marriage!

@Citrus454

You have taken him back after he had an affair.

If he was truly sorry he wouldn't still be working in the same place she is. He would be earning your trust back by taken steps to mend the hurt he caused to you but to him your a doormat now.

He resentment proves he doesn't care about your feelings maybe he was hoping your would leave.

Make things easier tell him it's over. Say he carrying on like he still wants her and not working on what he caused.

I don't know if house in your name or his or both but one needs to go.

In order to get over an affair a person needs to cut all ties with person that had affair with. If that means leaving the job or asked to move to different department, block them have no contact at all.

He feels trapped now as you made it so easy to take him back.. Tell him go or say your make arrangements to go.

Maybe don't even tell him your leaving seek advice a place to stay and when you can do it when he at work.

He does sound abusive go women's aid. It's not your fault what he did.

First, your children are living in a physically and emotionally violent home. This will be damaging them in untold ways and setting them up for toxic future relationships.

Second, you are being abused in a false reconciliation. Instead of working to restore your trust by providing empathy, kindness, honesty and transparency, plus NC with OW, he is treating you with aggression and utter contempt.

Citrus, you must protect your children and yourself by sending him away like you did before. If he refuses to go, go through the appropriate channels to find a Refuge.

To offer a different view… I don’t think he’s likely to be a physically violent threat to you and your kids. Hence why he’s letting his frustration out on localised things.

However the way he’s behaving towards you shows contempt and lack of remorse and he might just be carrying on with the affair

@CandyCane1

Whether you think it's likely or not is neither here nor there. He has demonstrated that he's physically out of control, and is therefore more likely to become physically out of control again. Physical abuse is often preceded by warnings like this. Your opinion doesn't change that.