Is this worrying behaviour

[Citrus454]

Since taking my DH back after he had an affair, he retaliates to me saying anything about access to phones, him changing passcodes, contact with the OW - he still works in the office beside her - to questioning some of the things he said in the affair aftermath. So anything I say to rock the boat, he responds by getting angry. He has broken a laptop screen and a drawer handle and tonight a glass by throwing a spoon into a glass tumbler with such force it shattered. This was in front of the DCs. I didn’t react because I didn’t want to frighten them but inside I’m thinking I’m in an abusive marriage and how did this happen!

"Is this worrying behaviour"

How bloody ridiculous

Oh good grief. This is how it starts.

This is how angry & controlling men teach their abused partners to kowtow to them. "I can wilfully damage an inanimate object before your eyes. I enjoy scaring you into submission."

He does it in front of the children FFS. Stop minimising @CandyCane1

This kind of abuse always escalates. Soon he will be shoving OP, or waving his fist in front of her face. It's not frustration - it's cold, calculated control. When he feels that control slipping, he will ramp up his aggression.

@Watchkeys yes you’re right…past behaviour is a predictor of future behaviour thanks

I wasn’t meaning to minimise at all. I think plenty of guys probably get frustrated and vent their frustration physically ..,. It’s better to do it constructively by going to the gym/ go for a walk away from the situation. Of course plenty may use it as coercive control Technique too as you point out. Defo never okay to do it and esp not in front of kids no matter what .

What would you say to your 8 year old self and your DC if it were them.? Put you being 8 years old there. Would you protect her, love her hold her? Speak to her ot let someone hurt her emotionally and physically. If that did happen to you that is where the key is. Hold her.