What the actual fuck has been going on here?

[Stickitupyourbazooka]

SIL seems to have developed a bitter obsession towards me over the years. I had someone anonymously posting condescending viewpoints on a blog I wrote for some time and when I wrote a new post and limited the audience to a select few, SIL included, low and behold,- the posts came. Often in the early hours of the morning.

I left the family WhatsApp group after being condescended constantly... I said black she said white- every time. But if DH said black then "oh yeh must be black." ILs never batted and eye lid, DH noticed it but shrugged it off.

She then took to my social media recently to challenge a post I shared about mothers being supported to continue professional sports after having children. Telling me how mothers choose to be mothers and their bodies and lives change yada yada, and yet she's constantly getting other people to care for her own baby for her, despite being on maternity leave so I don't actually believe she had the perspective that she was arguing for!

Then more recently, she joined a feminist group online that I was already part of and pretty much as soon as I realised she had joined, I left. She then searched for and went through all of my historical content, screenshotting it and sharing it with family members. What is concerning is that she has claimed that anonymous posts AFTER I left the group must have been written by me! DH has informed me that these posts directly state or imply that DHs family are misogynistic. I think they are (towards me anyway) - but the posts weren't me! And even if they were,, the fact that she identifies herself in them is troubling!

I've had odd experiences of her talking about my weight shortly after having a baby "wow you've lost weight" when I clearly hadn't and was storing extra fat due to breastfeeding. It just made me feel very uncomfortable at the time.

I've had her give DH relationship advice which has hindered him continuing attending therapy for our marriage. He didn't return again and we are verging on separation.

And now she's been sharing my private posts for all to see, claiming some anonymous ones "must" be me- they're not!

Am I some sort of bitter obsession or what because I just feel like this behavior is totally unhinged?

Your problem:

DH noticed it but shrugged it off.

He has let me down through not wanting to rock the boat I agree @serenaisaknobhead Lots of Fear, obligation and guilt for him I think around confrontation. No excuse really.

Sounds like DH is not particularly surprised that she's behaving like that. Has he possibly had a lifetime of it being easier to just sweep her comments under the carpet? It can be very challenging for someone raised in that environment to understand that a partner can't be expected to get on board.

I would try to have zero chances to find out what she's saying about you and focus on your marriage. Would he go to counseling together?

I forgot to add the bit about her randomly befriending my brother's ex wife too, when she lived 18 miles away from her. All very secretly of course during a very messy divorce!
I don't get it. It's all weird.

Sounds like you both just don't like each other. I wouldn't give it any more thought.

No, it sounds like one of them is stalking, needling and harassing the other. That's a bit more than just not liking someone.

I think all you can do is block her on everything, use a completely different name on any social media and then completely refuse to ever be in her company again. If anyone try's to tell you what she's doing or saying then just shut them down. Tell your husband if he ever speaks her about you that you'll leave.

She sounds like she’s got a screw loose OP. Block and avoid.

She's a few sarnies short of a picnic.

Block/delete/ignore/don't engage.

I second the other pps block, delete, don't engage with her and keep everything online as private as you can. Her behaviour is not normal - did you ever get on well together? Would she have a reason for wanting you and your dh to separate as it sounds like that's what she's angling towards.

I agree he needs to step up. I'd be telling dh that you care about his family but you need to go nc with her for your own sanity and to protect your relationship and while you can't tell him what to do, you can ask him to respect and support your decision.

Batshit crazy behaviour. You need to go no contact. Block her on all communications. Tell your husband's family that you don't want to hear anything about her.

Block her everywhere. And make it clear to DH that she is the reason you are separating and that he is letting an orchestrated campaign of cyber bullying destroy your family by buying into it and listening to her.

She is clearly writing the anonymous posts herself. Point out to DH that you have a blog and are not a coward who hides behind anonymous posting in places where SIL hangs out to screenshot things whereas she is clearly members of all the groups she is ‘finding your posts’ in.

If you don't like her and she doesn't like you, then block communications.

It will be liberating.

You can't like everyone and everyone can't like you.

No biggie, feel no guilt.
Within a year you'll wonder why you ever gave her access to upset you.

Your update sound even more worrying.

She's your husbands flying monkey, whilst you are separating.

She is mounting a smear campaigne against you.

Block, delete and forget.

She sounds jealous of you and got something very against you and wants to destroy you.

Cut her off block her on everything. Tell the family you can't take no more it.

Keep everything private.

Tell your DH you think she's got a crush on you and giggle loudly. Watch him get paranoid and turn on her.

I have blocked her on everything.
I never want to see her again, she's clearly taken great enjoyment out of "poking the bear" all the years and I'm fed up with it.

Definitely jealous, she's made that very clear. Often with niceties about my cooking and mothering, said through a painful, insincere smile. I've seen that for a long time. Also her asking my mother how my brother was, knowing full well that they had fallen out and had gone NC. Pure passive aggressive behaviour.

Problem now is that ILs see her as a damsal in distress as she needs help with just about everything in life. She's always the innocent "cares too much" "heart on sleeve" dopey one who "means well."

I don't see this at all. She's a snidey, vindictive miserable snake. If I go NC with her- it will result in the whole family going NC with me and will result in the end of my marriage without doubt.

At a point though where I'm not sure my marriage is worth the hassle of this family. I had MIL obsessing over me and my daughter for the first 2 years which almost killed our marriage and now SIL. I just want to run for the hills.

Run for the hills then. If your husband wants to come with you and save the marriage he can. If not you’re probably better off without the lot of them. Shut the door on them and enjoy the relief!

That's the problen with DIL's with toxic inlaws, they have nether the experience, confidence or knowledge to know that you needn't put up with shit.

Just because they are your elders, or related to your husband does not give them the right to be vindictive with you.

Just end the relationship with them, if your h cares about your welfare then he will stay and sort his own relationship with them.

Really when you get older you will wonder why you gave them power over you to hurt you.
Just take what you have learnt and apply that to when you have your own SIL's and DIL's, treat them with kindness and respect and hope they appreciate that.

Stop being the scapegoat and their whipping boy.
Stupid people.

The thought of not having to deal with any more condescending nonsense or false niceties fills me with immense relief tbh.

Honestly. I would walk into a police station and ask if she’s committing any crimes with her cyber stalking and harassing you.

The family might not like it but so what?

Of course it does, and the best thing is you will respect yourself and be respected by others more so.

They will probably go a bit nuclear at first, blaming you, then the apologies may arive, apologies that arn't really apologies. Still with an air of well we wouldn't have been like that if you wern't so .....

Don't allow people to manipulate you into accepting blame, they have hurt you on numerous occasions.
You obviously tried to apply boundaries or hoped they would desist, but no they havn't showed any mercy or accountability for their actions.

So you are entitled to act accordingly.
They arn't special, your children in all of this are the most important thing and really you should not allow your children to see you bullied, by the 'special' side, or whatever they think of themselves.

Bullies don't just exist in schools.

They can exist anywhere.

Call the bullies out and remove them from your vicinity.

They haven't shared the screenshots with me @ihatethefuckingmuffin so I'd have no proof.

I gave her a piece of my mind via message when I found out what she'd been doing- I was confronted by DH originally "my parents know exactly what you think of them now, my sister has seen it all!" I asked her what on earth her intentions are. She of course, was too cowardly to reply... can imagine ILs consoling her "ignore her sweetheart you know what she's like!"

I've kicked DH out as a result.
Don't want him here.
He's back with his parents for the time being, all of them probably pondering over "what on earth has gotten into her" I imagine.

It sounds like this is ramping up in the midst of a marriage breakdown ?

If this is the case then I would go NC.

In laws can metre out their own judgements and punishments rather well, protect yourself.