What the actual fuck has been going on here?

[Stickitupyourbazooka]

SIL seems to have developed a bitter obsession towards me over the years. I had someone anonymously posting condescending viewpoints on a blog I wrote for some time and when I wrote a new post and limited the audience to a select few, SIL included, low and behold,- the posts came. Often in the early hours of the morning.

I left the family WhatsApp group after being condescended constantly... I said black she said white- every time. But if DH said black then "oh yeh must be black." ILs never batted and eye lid, DH noticed it but shrugged it off.

She then took to my social media recently to challenge a post I shared about mothers being supported to continue professional sports after having children. Telling me how mothers choose to be mothers and their bodies and lives change yada yada, and yet she's constantly getting other people to care for her own baby for her, despite being on maternity leave so I don't actually believe she had the perspective that she was arguing for!

Then more recently, she joined a feminist group online that I was already part of and pretty much as soon as I realised she had joined, I left. She then searched for and went through all of my historical content, screenshotting it and sharing it with family members. What is concerning is that she has claimed that anonymous posts AFTER I left the group must have been written by me! DH has informed me that these posts directly state or imply that DHs family are misogynistic. I think they are (towards me anyway) - but the posts weren't me! And even if they were,, the fact that she identifies herself in them is troubling!

I've had odd experiences of her talking about my weight shortly after having a baby "wow you've lost weight" when I clearly hadn't and was storing extra fat due to breastfeeding. It just made me feel very uncomfortable at the time.

I've had her give DH relationship advice which has hindered him continuing attending therapy for our marriage. He didn't return again and we are verging on separation.

And now she's been sharing my private posts for all to see, claiming some anonymous ones "must" be me- they're not!

Am I some sort of bitter obsession or what because I just feel like this behavior is totally unhinged?

He's a wimpy manchild who won't protect his own wife. I'd start divorce proceedings amd block the whole lot of them. But first I'd speak to the police about her cyberstalking.

@Pinkbonbon

I agree.

Zero tolerance policy for wimpy gits that don't protect their wives.
Not to be trusted in any walk of life.

The irony of it is, it is usually these wimpy gits that go crawling back to the wives even after the destruction of the extended family.

Get the police to issue her with a Harassment Warning. After sitting your DH down and explaining very clearly what you've told us. Because she is trying to end your marriage and it sounds like she's not far off succeeding as it sounds like your DH is believing her

Or better yet, post what you've posted on here, onto Facebook! Quantify it all into one post, so that they can see it all together as one big picture

As you can report in the behalf of someone you won’t need to see evidence at this point.

One of your witnesses at this time can be the twat of your husband. He should be reminded that it’s a crime to give false information.

If he has evidence on his device he can show them this.

It’s also possible for police to confiscate electronic devices and recover deleted stuff.

Id butter the spineless twat up. Suggest you go for a walk to talk and walk into the police station 😂 Just before doing so ask to borrow his phone. What’s he going to do make a scene in a police station. Tell him what you are doing, he either stays to support you like he should or fuck off back to his precious family. But his phone is staying with you to hand over.

This is the national stalking helpline
www.suzylamplugh.org/pages/category/national-stalking-helpline

I’d ask for evidence because you’ve not posted anything about them.

however it sounds like your DH is too swayed and too weak

He's made his choice, and chosen to believe her. Not surprised you chucked him out. Disengage with the lot of them next, you'll feel tons better. Keep him gone, only speak if you have to about DC - via email preferably.

Of course it does. SIL is batshit crazy, and your DH doesn't sound much better. All you can do is goes as low contact as possible, ignore, don't engage, don't respond, there's no point defending yourself to people like that.

I can’t believe what I’ve read, they’re all completely fucking mad. Divorce the little prick who has let his family treat you like shit and get rid of them all from your life. Utter madness.

Nice try at dismissing the OP but big fail.

She sounds bitter and obsessive, and tbh it is difficult to imagine how you can continue your marriage if he does not stand up to her. Very difficult and miserable situation.

I think this would be my advice.

Run for the hills. Enjoy the peaceful views 🤷🏻‍♀️

So much drama

Stop talking to the in laws - they clearly don’t like you. There is nothing you can do to change it.

your husband is the main issue! He should have separated his wife from his toxic family and protected it. He has and did not.

not sure how your marriage will survive with toxic people who enjoy dysfunctions drama.

I think running for the hills is the only way to save yourself and your sanity. Shes a nasty piece of work who's got her family fooled. If your DH goes NC with them they would say that you were controlling him and isolating him from his family. I hate people getting away with bullying behaviour but if there is nothing else then step out of it, free yourself. She will keep looking for stuff so maybe steer clear of social media etc. would your family cut off contact with her so that she can't stalk you through them?

If your mil was like this you can see it runs in the family. Good for kicking dh out, he doesn't have your best interests at heart. Enjoy the peace

Your next worry is having your children around them all hence why I’d take advice and involve police. That way if and when he has the children you have reason to not allow him to take the children near them.

No, it sounds like one of them is stalking, needling and harassing the other. That's a bit more than just not liking someone.

This. It’s stalking, designed to unnerve OP and undermine every aspect of her life. It’s obsessive and could potentially become dangerous.

The whole situation sounds exhausting, OP, and as though it’s escalating to a point where it may no longer be possible to save your marriage, especially if it was already in trouble. Dealing with this type of controlling, enmeshed family dynamic would be hard enough even if your DH was shoulder-to-shoulder with you, but he’s not - he’s effectively gone over to the other side. And now he’s at his parents’ they’ll be sucking him even further into their warped perspective.

This won’t stop until they’ve ‘won’ by ousting you, and it doesn’t sound like he has the will or the fight in him to prevent that happening, so it may be time to cut your losses.

I wonder if OP posted that these actions were by an ex, if people would see it differently. I don't know if she's crossed any legal threshold, but she's most certainly unhinged - and apparently with a lot of time on her hands.

DH needs to decide quickly where his loyalties lie. And I'm afraid I wouldn't be holding my breath that it's you OP, not because he doesn't love or care about you, but because he's been broken down by his family for so long that he doesn't have the sort of strength right now that it takes to do it.

However, fortunately you at least have the chance of being free of these people!

So many people dismiss stalking.

It’s a serious issue and laws have been implemented for reasons.

Ever thought of stopping all social media for a while?

I know a lot of people are focussing on your husbands lack of response here, and he should definitely be more involved with this, but the issue is you SIL. She seems to have some kind of vendetta against you. Have you outright ask her what her issue is?
Taking screenshots of your personal pages is completely crossing a line.
Can you not just delete and block her from everything, so she has no access? Also do that to anyone you think she could manipulate into going on your profile?

I know it might start some family drama, but I definitely wouldn't tolerate this kind of vindictive behaviour.

I doubt this has come out of the blue, maybe SIL was never keen, maybe the family have heard her h talking about her in a derogative manner, this gives them carte blanche to be horrible.

Happens all the time, lines are drawn and sides are taken.
They really should butt out of their marriage, if op's marriage does survive she knows never to trust them again.

The problem is is op is probably trying to place boundaries within her relationship and he is garnering sympathy as they think the sun shines out of his arse.

This won't work, he's a spineless git, who gets others to fight his own battles.
The MIL probably is probably working her magic through her daughter.

Horrible family, keep well away from them.

Yes! That's why I think taking a more direct approach may be more beneficial. If it ends up splitting the family, she knows where her loyalities lie, and her husbands. There's definitely some reasoning behind her issues with OP, but I definitely wouldn't be able to live OP's life without taking a more blunt approach.

She is a jealous unhinged stalker. Run as fast as you can.

I've sent messages to MIL and SIL today bringing to light all of their rude and cowardly behaviour in recent years. Sick of pretending that they don't bother me- it does fucking bother me and I wanted to call it all out. Also copied in DH and FIL. But as predicted they are ignoring my messages. They all are. Ironic considering SILs penchant for derogatory responses.

DH can see it all in black and white now and see that I'm not afraid to call it out.

He was delusionally saying that our separation has nothing to do with them (it was brewing anyway), but of course it does.

I'd like to think that he will go back there tonight and confront their behaviour when they complain about my messages but I think it's more likely that he'll say "just ignore her" and bury his head in the sand. In which case, his loyalties will be clear to see.

I feel relieved now that I've had my say. A weight lifted.