Girlfriend moving in

[Spanky123]

Hi all,
Am thinking of asking my girlfriend to move in. I own a house in my name with a mortgage and have been thinking about options. How fair would £400/500 per month sound with half of that going into a joint savings for us to use towards holidays and fun things. The other half would help give me more of a cushion in terms of covering the mortgage and bills?
Am thinking this is the best way for us both to benefit from this situation?
Thanks!

So she lives for free??

No, she should pay 'rent'

why should he pay for the holidays? We are not in 1932, women go out to work and earn their own money and don't need to be kept anymore.

Well culturally for me a what a woman earns is hers and for her to choose how to spend, a man has no rights to a woman’s earnings and it’s a man’s responsibility to provide which includes accommodation and paying for bills.

this is the minimum you should expect of a man. Otherwise I really think women are out here overburdening themselves and selling themselves sort.

I suppose women are now offering to pay for dates too? Another scam these greedy men are pulling.

Poor women are going backwards lifestyle wise now.

So she lives for free??

No, she should pay 'rent'

it is his privilege to have a woman in his life, it’s a man’s duty to provide for her and give her a pleasant environment to thrive in.

if more men realised this we would see happier relationships, women feeling better about themselves and more time to spend on their relationship with less stress.

a woman can support a man more and make him feel like a real man and a provider when he meets these expectations.

men should want to protect and provide. It is their instinct and what they develop a lot of respect for themselves from.

@FreshCop

Bloody hell I hope you're trolling! What culture is this that entitles a woman to keep all her independent income to herself and yet be fully financially supported by a man, holidays and all?

And what does she have to provide in return, because I can't see many men signing up if there's nothing in it for them. I've got a feeling I am not going to like the answer ...

In answer to the OP I think a balance needs to be struck according to what's fair. On one side there's the issue why should she help you pay off your mortgage if she has no rights to the property. In the other side why should she be entitled to free accommodation considering she be making a huge saving by stopping renting separately?

Split the bills, yes. She ought to pay something towards accommodation, not half the mortgage but not nothing either and you should have a cohabitation agreement in place that sets out her rights as a licensee (akin to that of a lodger).

It will ameliorate your outgoings so I suggest you save as much of the benefit as you can (not for holidays etc, i think that's the wrong way to look at it). If the relationship goes well and you decide to marry/ have kids/formalise things in some other way you can use those savings to pay off a chunk of mortgage and add her to the deeds. If the relationship doesn't go well and you separate you can decide if it's "fair" to share any split of the savings with her in the circumstances. That's a bit subjective of course! I'm just throwing some ideas around and there may be reasons why this isn't workable of course.

I would charge her exactly half of all your bills. Every single one

regarding rent - I just don’t buy it that others on here are saying she’ll have a claim on your house if she pays rent

for this reason many men and women don’t marry and neither has a claim to the property unless under rare circumstances (I.e 30 year relationship and a promise made to be added to the deeds)

so I would charge rent. Probably generously at £200 or £250ish

at the moment to rent a room costs roughly £500 so she is getting a sweet deal.

your thoughts on saving up were quite nice I thought!

Bloody hell I hope you're trolling! What culture is this that entitles a woman to keep all her independent income to herself and yet be fully financially supported by a man, holidays and all?
**
And what does she have to provide in return, because I can't see many men signing up if there's nothing in it for them. I've got a feeling I am not going to like the answer ...

this is a woman’s right islamically. Also a man has to pay a “dowry” before marriage, which goes directly to the woman. Traditionally the money is kept by her, also including gold, saved away for her to use if she wishes to move away or start a new life. It’s symbolically a sign of giving her that freedom if she chooses to take it.

Arab women/Muslim women don’t pay bills or rent. Also when living with their family their father pays for everything.

The mothers income is here to spend on her and the kids. The man can’t ask for a penny.

Paying a man rent to live with him would be seen as incredibly shameful.

My partner moved in with me into my flat. I am the only one on the mortgage.

We split bills equally, and he pays me half of his old rent (which is about a third of the mortgage - if it was more than half the mortgage he'd be paying less). Neither of us were comfortable him paying half without being on the mortgage, neither of us were comfortable with him not paying "rent". Half his old rent was the easiest amount to come up with! We both benefitted that way. I pay all property improvement/repair costs e.g. new boiler, fixes to windows, paint costs (he was happy to help with the actual painting though and I wasn't going to refuse!).

We had an agreement that after 6 months, if we were both still happy, I'd add him onto the mortgage and we'd go 50/50 from there. This didn't end up happening as he felt less vulnerable in the "renting" situation than he thought he would and we decided we'd buy together in a year or so instead so wanted to save the legal costs for that. I would have been happy to if he'd still wanted to though.

We moved in on the understanding that we were moving towards marriage, kids, a life together. I don't know how it would have worked if we'd been less committed.

I think this is all wrong because you need to be discussing this stuff with her.

Have you decided where this is going?

Are you going to have a family?
When you do how much time off work should she have? Or yourself?

Will there be a stay at home parent or will you both work and pay for childcare, and if so where does that money come from?

Do you agree on parenting styles and medical and dietary choices etc. etc. etc. ?All this can become contentious later on and shouldn't be gone into blindly.

Do you share housework completely equally or what?
Will you have a joint account?
Do you have similar attitudes to spending and drink and things?

If this subject is something you are asking for on MN and not speaking to her directly about that's a huge red flag of the relationship.

You need to plan these things or it can ruin your life.

What does she pay now in rent and bills?

Of course it is reasonable that she contribute.

If you are asking her to move in, I think it is fair that you both benefit financially.

You get a contribution towards the costs and she saves on full rent etc.

Is this a financial based decision or a serious relationship move?.

Does she actually want to move in?

Because it reads like a financially motivated decision, which usually isn't the best reason.

So you want her to fund your mortgage, be your cook and housekeeper?

She's be a fool not to accept this fantastic offer!

And if the OP is female, then what?

That's quite enough internet for me today.

How does that even work though? Can lodgers claim a stake in your property for paying rent? Friends? Renters living in BTL properties?

Why does shagging someone entitle them to your property?

If they can demonstrate that they have contributed a significant amount over a long time then maybe, but a token amount plus half bills? I doubt they would have a leg to stand on.

Who assumed that?

The poster that time warped from the 1920s and said its a woman's right to have it all for nothing

In order to decide who's side to take.

Where does it say anything about cooking and housekeeping?

This is obviously A wind up

Thank you to those who have replied with sensible options and some smart ideas! We'll discuss it together to come to an agreement thats fair and we're both happy and comfortable with.

On reflection, I do wonder how different the replies would have been had girlfriend not been in the subject title.

My respjwpuld have been exactly the same thanks

I thought that by asking gf moving in means actually asking her moving in…
shocked to see you are calculating the money.
do u just want to have some financial gain?

I think the idea is that they both get a fair "financial gain" .

Haha... you forgot to put

/s

at the end