I just don't understand this! Completely devastated

[user7572]

I have been in what I thought was a happy relationship for 2 years now. 2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. It wasn't planned but I was happy because we have always spoken about having kids and I've always wanted to be a mum. My partner (well ex now, so it seems) has treated me horribly and hasn't even bothered to come and see me. His last texts to me were: 'Whatever you do please don’t keep this child. I’m actually begging you now. This is ruining my life I can’t even sleep. If you ever loved or care for me, you will terminate that child.' I've told him he's trying to emotionally manipulate me and he's responded 'I promise that is not my intention. I just don’t want a child with you'. I've told him I'm not having a termination and he has told me he wishes me the best and to let him know when his child's here!

I'm completely blindsided! Why has he been with me for 2 years if he didn't see a future?! Don't understand how men can behave like this. I feel so alone and utterly devastated.

Another man who won't use a condom then cries when the pregnancy happens, sorry if he used one and it tore, either way only you can make that decision.

Along with a woman's right to have a child is a mans right to decide if he wishes to be a parent. The woman doesn't get ALL the choices. The only responsibility they both have is to provide financial support

Her ex partner however has no choice but to become a father when he didn't choose to be . I would say he was much more of a 'victim' in all this than the OP . Above all else, she has 'choice' when that is something he doesn't have. (Btw I firmly agree with it being entirely correct once the pregnancy has happen - it's the woman's choice) but nonetheless it must feel pretty crap to have parenthood foisted upon you

Meh.
I'm of the firm belief that there are very few 'accidents'. Contraception, used correctly, is very, very effective.
However, no sympathy for any man stupid enough to NOT use condoms. Can't have any 'accidents' if you're taking responsibility for your own choices and not leaving it to the woman because it doesn't 'feel as good'.

And enough of the 'trust' bullshit. That's just an excuse. It's not about not taking someone's word regarding contraception, it's about not taking the easy way out. Don't want a baby. Make sure there won't be one. 🤷‍♀️

Don't let him pressure you into a termination

I do agree with this, this isn't his decision to make. But seriously consider whether you want to tie yourself to this man for (at a minimum) the next 18 years.

Condoms aren’t the issue for goodness sake. I honestly don’t get thr whole if you don’t want a child wear a condom, in relationships a couple usually agree on contraceptive choices, and yes often that’s the pill or similar, I can’t grasp that some people actually think if you’re in a relationship with someone you don’t wish to habe a child with then you need to use condoms for the duration and never trust the woman. Condoms have a two percent failure rate, the pill 1 percent. If you have sex, as most couples do then pregnancy is always a risk rhe choice of contraception is not the issue

Contraceptive failures happen. the man here is behaving aappallingly but him not using condoms is not the issue . The issue is the relationship was clearly not good, he knew it and she didn’t.

Op, rereading your op; he’s not come to see you since you found out.? All your conversations are via text?

Did this relationship actually end before you found out you were pregnant?

Well obviously he has every right to say whatever he likes about abortion whenever he wants. He has every right to ask the op to have one, to beg her to have one, to dump her if she won't. Why would you think otherwise?

I was having regular sex for about 14 years before I got pregnant. Some with boyfriends, some with men on the side, some with random strangers. I never, ever got pregnant.
Mainly because I was religious about taking the pill. The only scare I ever had was pre pill and then I went straight for the morning after pill.
When I was finally ready to get pregnant, I conceived first go.
I know a lot of women. I only know one who had a genuine accidental pregnancy, although she wasn't on the pill so arguably not that accidental.

But yes, if a man definitely doesn't want a child, he needs to wear a condom.

And for the record, I would have aborted any child I was pregnant with before dh. I just didn't want children until I met dh.

What a horrible man. I’m so sorry. Good for you for not letting him bully you into a termination. You’re better off without him if he’s been misleading you for two years. Walk away with your head held high and get on with preparing for your baby, who will be the real love of your life! 💐

Absolutely . I too have had a sex life of similar ilk. From 16-32. No accidents.
But this is MN . No woman is ever less than vigilant about contraception. Surprise pregnancy is always an 'accident' .

I'm sorry this is happening to you @user7572

In your position I would probably have an abortion because I wouldn't want to be a single mum from the off, but I get why you might keep it.

Forget about your ex, any grown man who can't face his responsibilities isn't worth your time.

Good luck, thinking of you.

Where did you get that idea ? OP has never returned to explain how this pregnancy occurred. Has never mentioned anything about condoms.

How old is he? Is he saying he wants kids but just not with you? What a nob.

I do think it's unfair that the man doesn't get to chose whether or not a baby is born. However it's the woman's body and he should have used protection or extra protection.

Good grief.

And maybe he's a secret agent & cannot commit to fatherhood because he's too busy chasing villains in speedboats.

What a load of fucking cobblers. Why would you think that?

Bully for you then. My child was unplanned. I took my pill every single day at pretty much the same time and it failed. Why? Because it isn't 100% effective funnily enough 🙄

The man is facing his responsibilities tho

he is responsible for paying and countribuing to the child which he seems to want to do

someone falling pregnant doesn’t mean both adults have to be trapped in to something

op has a choice but so does the man

in op case I wouldn’t keep it as he’s not keen and personally I wouldn’t want a child enough to have one alone or without a dedicated partner - op may feel differently but she should think about the future and the impact it may have on meetings someone else

@Watapalava

How does the man have a choice wether or not his baby is to be born?

No I mean he has a choice about sticking around

he can choose to or not to - that doesn’t make him a bad person if both had agreed in contraception

op has a choice too so it’s not like she’s being forced to go through with a pregnancy

the man intends to be back in touch once baby is here to full full legal obligations with regards to child

just because someone gets pregnant doesn’t mean the man must stay with her - unles obv not using protection

If it was my son I wouldn’t want him to stick with a girl he wasn’t into long term for the sake of a child - esp if both consenting adults using protection

life’s too short

supprt the child yes but god don’t be trapped into a life or misery

as awful as it is now the op has had been told where she stands - many women don’t get that so she should use that info and make her choice