Is life over in your 60's

[Dinkiedoo]

Im feeling increasingly depressed about life. Im in my 60's and honestly feel that Im on a downward spiral .
My parents are gone. Mum died last year . I have lost a few friends to cancer. My son was very ill last year etc etc
It just seems like one problem after the other and hardly any joy .
I work hard in a public facing job and pain the smile on each day but its getting harder.
Last week I was poorly and I just stopped talking to anyone. My husband asked me a few times if I was ok and I just said I wasnt well. He started getting ratty with me so have now got a cob on and cant be arsed talking to him to be honest.
Everything we do is for him . Days out are where he wants to go etc. No compromise but then again Im just glad to be out and about.
I know deep down I am depressed .
The final nail is that a dear friend of mine is asking me for advice regarding a married man she is seeing. She has gone against all I have said ...which is up to her ...but I know she will be back crying about him in next few days . I want to be supportive but cant see the point
moan over

You sounds very depressed. Have you considered seeing your gp and starting bereavement therapy?

Re your friend- tell her once that you don’t agree with her seeing a married man and would prefer not to talk about it

What do you do for you? What fun do you have? Perhaps introduce more balance to your life. Take a class you love, take up a new hobby, go on a trip to a place you want to go. Start making self care/ feeding your soul ( yes, cheesy phrase) a priority

My GP offered counselling but the counsellor said she could only talk about one problem ! sadly I have many :-(

If you could do anything/go anywhere today, what would it be @Dinkiedoo ?

be on a cruise ship. sadly too expensive

What is it about the cruise ship that appeals? Visiting different places? Relaxing? Swimming? No housework?

being away from it all . just looking and listening to the sea

Being honest this is more about your dh and your friend being dicks and you having gone through an incredibly rough few years, which could happen to anyone, not age specific. No wonder you’re feeling so down. I’m 42 and in a very similar place - my Mum died 2019 and I have no other relatives, ive been diagnosed with chronic long term conditions and I’ve come to realise I have nothing in common with my friends and really can’t be bothered with it all anymore and one of my dc is disabled which means life is very stressful. I’ve started to realise I need to carve out a new life for myself, find things I used to enjoy and new things just for me. What do you enjoy? What do you want your life to look like?

Cross posted with others 💐

It sounds more like you're everything for everything else and do nothing for yourself. Which can be a problem at any age.

Start putting yourself first. Tell your friend to bugger off if she won't listen to advice. Go and do something for yourself without DH.

Can you get to the sea today @Dinkiedoo ?

I love horses but sadly cant ride anymore due to health problems. My physical strength isnt good. To be honest I just cant be bothered with anything

No cant get anywhere today

Im on my lunch break at work

Well - cannot pretend that getting older is a walk in the park, but it has its compensations, and I just feel we have to take what we get and try and find tings to enjoy.

I think your OH is the problem, regardless of your age. I am not surprised you feel fed up.

Do things for you and if Yr dh doesn't want to do them just do them anyway.

If you want to look out to sea, drive to the coast and do it.

Book club
Join a church/choir/am dram society
Join a political party - lots of fund raisers.
Go to the theatre/cinema on Yr own - gives something to talk about
Join your local litter pickers
Join the RHS and go on their 1/2 day activities and courses

I have to be honest, the older we get, the harder we have to work to find moments of joy I think. I’m in my 40s and lost both my parents unexpectedly this year, solo parent and run a demanding business on my own. But the moments are there - whether it’s taking time to prepare lovely food or going for a walk in the forest or going to a museum, or a day trip to the beach to look at the sea. I’m sure it seems simplistic, but as I say, I’ve also had a very shit year, so I think I get it a bit.
as afterfire says, I think you have to be proactive in creating a life you want to live…

Surely she meant one problem at a time, no one only ever has one problem.

I don’t think it’s so much that life is over in your 60’s but it does make you look at the future and what you have left and think is this it? I’ve been preparing for retirement for a couple of years but it seems so final. I feel I will be moving into the third trimester so to speak. IYKWIM

I’m in my 60’s and about 30 years ago an older man I used to work with told me when the obituaries are your generation rather than your parents, lift your head up and make plans or you will become stale. I can see what he meant now.

I never used to understand why couples in their 60’s split up after decades of marriage but sometimes when the DCs are grown and the mortgage is paid you realise you maybe haven’t really communicated for years and have forgotten how to have fun.

Is there anything that gives you pleasure nowadays, no matter how small?

Apologies for the waffle.

It seems so unfair to me that women can't still retire earlier, in their early 60s. After all you've done, bringing up children and working, you should be able to enjoy your 60s doing what you enjoy.

Thanks for all the advice. Its certainly food for thought.
Back to the grindstone at work for me . Bless you all xxx

Could you put an advert on Preloved (Horses) OP? That you could spare one day per week helping to look after someone's horse, eg haynets, turning out, bringing in and the muck out? You mentioned you are now not able to ride due to health concerns, but if you still like being around horses, this could be therapeutic, and as winter is approaching, there will be horse owners out there who would welcome knowledgeable help.

No life certainly isn't over in your 60's. My 60's and now my 70's have been some of the best years of my life despite living on my own and friends/family moving away. I've a quiet life and am very content.

My neighbour bought her house over 5 years ago aged 85, did it up, and is out every day, goes dancing twice a week, has family and friends to visit and drives all over the place. She's 90 now, still fit and well.

Of course a lot of luck and good health is involved in enjoying the latter years so I appreciate how lucky I am. I appreciate and am grateful for every day and every good thing in it.

Sounds to me like your DH is the problem...not your age as such. Sort that ut and you may get a new lease of life, I hope so.

@beachcomber70 you are an inspiration.

Book a weekend away where you want to go and present it as a choice to him, come here or stay at home.

Cottage by the sea in UK.

Sounds like your DH is an anchor.
I suggest joining a beginner or senior yoga class.
It works wonders at healing the body and the mind.

Life's always changing whatever age you are.
Babies, toddlers, school, uni, leaving home all bring their own changes, some good some not so good.

We're older now, your sort of age. We looked forward to all the things we'd do in retirement, didn't take into account I'll health.

Many of our friends though didn't manage to get this far so it's no all bad.

You sound a bit depressed and need a little break but really that doesn't solve your problem. If you can take some counselling take it, it'll be a start.