Is life over in your 60's

[Dinkiedoo]

Im feeling increasingly depressed about life. Im in my 60's and honestly feel that Im on a downward spiral .
My parents are gone. Mum died last year . I have lost a few friends to cancer. My son was very ill last year etc etc
It just seems like one problem after the other and hardly any joy .
I work hard in a public facing job and pain the smile on each day but its getting harder.
Last week I was poorly and I just stopped talking to anyone. My husband asked me a few times if I was ok and I just said I wasnt well. He started getting ratty with me so have now got a cob on and cant be arsed talking to him to be honest.
Everything we do is for him . Days out are where he wants to go etc. No compromise but then again Im just glad to be out and about.
I know deep down I am depressed .
The final nail is that a dear friend of mine is asking me for advice regarding a married man she is seeing. She has gone against all I have said ...which is up to her ...but I know she will be back crying about him in next few days . I want to be supportive but cant see the point
moan over

I'm 61 and all of a sudden people of my age all around me seem to be getting ill and/or dying. I agree, it's quite depressing.

I find the aches and pains that remind you of your age a bit depressing but apart from that best time of my life....... I have, however, got rid of the H! I think that might be your main problem💐

OP I am sorry you are feeling like this. You are depressed. This can happen at any age. I had depression like this in my 40s and somehow felt that I was past it and that my best days were over. I am now in my 60s and way more active and happier than I have ever been. I feel free of the responsibilities I had in my 40s and 50s which gives me much more time and energy.

There is no age in life when it is natural or inevitable to feel that life is boring. If you feel depressed you need a change, anti depressants or counselling.

My life different since turning 60, diagnosed with Parkinson’s recently a shock as my parents had better health at my age ( my dad Parkinson’s late 70s)
Tho it explains stuff over the years, I’ve yet to see a Parkinson’s nurse, next month.
Yes I wish I had another half, just cat and I, great family, I had to give up work, I just make the best of stuff

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis - what a total pain for you. Lots of good luck for your PD nurse appointment. They can be so helpful.

You can go places without your DH. Why are you only going where he wants to go? Go somewhere nice on your day off!
Also join some groups, meet other people, pursue some new interests - walking group, exercise group, book group, hobby group.

Mischance, thanks for your kind words, it is a pain, mainly affecting right leg and weaker side, left handed luckily, tho my eyes optically ok, have had mild 3D issues have improved slightly ( not driving currently) with meds so hope with higher meds will resolve prob dopermine related

It's only over if you decide that's how you want to live.

Make your life how you want it.

It sounds as if you are being controlled by your H.

You can't control when your friends die or get ill but you can control how you react to that.

Do things for yourself and don't wait for approval from your H.

Honestly, my life has been turned upside down lately (I am in my 60s) when my dear H was diagnosed with cancer which is likely to be terminal.
All our plans for a happy retirement have gone, overnight.
I will possibly be on my own for many years and my darling DCs will lose their dad, possibly before having kids themselves.

I sympathise with how you feel but I also want to give you a good shake, because if you are moaning about your life when you should be living it to the full.

I’m not sure what you budget is but there are solo and couple cruises available around Europe and Scandinavia for around £600. If this would really make you happy then I would start saving. They come up
on hotukdeals.

I don't think the OP is depressed.

She's fed up and miserable but that doesn't necessarily need medicating or counselling.

Loads of people who are older have lost friends (including me.)

It would help to accept the root cause which sounds like an unhappy marriage.

Either leave and get out of it OP or make your life happy as a 'single' person (but still 'in' a marriage.)

As I said, when something really tragic happens, like my DH's cancer, ( who was super-fit and very active and sporty before this) it makes you appreciate what you have and can do, as well as not wasting time/life.

Try getting in the sea rather than sailing on it. Having tried both, I can say that immersion is far better, more fun and more accessible than cruising.
Local groups around the country are incredibly welcoming.
No, it’s not all bad from late 50s onwards. There is much to recommend it. You have to seize the day though or it will be too late.

I think the OP sounds very switched on, personally.

Just needs to prioritise wheat and chaff better, for her own benefit more.

Having said that, I agree that bereavement therapy can be really good for people.

Were the friends you lost people who you went out with, had fun with? If so with those and your mother you have lost a good support system and it’s is normal to feel lost and down because of that. Especially if what you have left is a needy friend and an unadventurous DH.

Do you have any other friends you can meet up with or groups you can join? How busy is your life and how much of that is for others?

I think that solo cruise sounds great I find that I sometimes crave solitude. I recently went to a hotel for a weekend by myself and it was bliss. I lay in bed, I watched trash tv, I read, I walked, I ate and I answered to no one.

Oh and i had bereavement therapy 2 years after my mother died, it released me, I would definitely recommend it.

Can you volunteer at the Riding for Disabled? There is usually a local one near by. Just let them know what you can and can't do, they are always looking for volunteers. Just being around horses is a known anti depressant 😍

What a lovely idea. I get where you are coming from OP. I've started losing friends, my parents need caring for, and for me, my dog is my lifeline. Gets me in a routine and I've met people through working for a UK breed charity-given up due to caring for said parents, sadly. It's hard not to be gloomy as you get older. I miss my kids too, but not the meal planning and they are forging their own lives successfully, which means my job has been done successfully I guess. You sound slightly depressed. Anti depressants may take the edge off if you see your GP. I've used them a few times but my dog is definitely the best anti depressant I've ever had! Good luck.

If you can afford to, there's nothing stopping you from doing exactly that.

Last week I was poorly and I just stopped talking to anyone. My husband asked me a few times if I was ok and I just said I wasnt well. He started getting ratty with me so have now got a cob on and cant be arsed talking to him to be honest.
Everything we do is for him . Days out are where he wants to go etc. No compromise but then again Im just glad to be out and about.
I know deep down I am depressed .

I am so sorry you are struggling.
When did you last see your GP?
Book a check up, explain your symptoms, & ask about both medication and therapy.

I suspect you would feel an immediate lift if your husband was less selfish.
However - that's a big subject to tackle, & given that he's used to having everything his own way, you are not going to change his mindset any time soon.

So how about you stop going along with him on these days out, if you don't fancy them? "No, that's not for me, but I'd like to go to XYZ instead ..."
See if he is open to discussion.
If he is not - wave him off & plan your own activity. You don't have to be grateful to him for being out & about - you can arrange this for yourself.

I love horses but sadly cant ride anymore due to health problems. My physical strength isnt good. To be honest I just cant be bothered with anything
OK - so you need some motivation.
Something to get happy & engaged about. Something exciting to look forward to.
The not feeling bothered is your depression talking - so you need to challenge it.
You won't change overnight, but you can start to teach yourself that having a small joy to look forward to will keep you going, start to gradually change your outlook.
Being around horses again would be so beneficial to your mood. There's been an upsurge in people working their horses in hand - does that appeal to you? -
www.horseandhound.co.uk/features/classical-hand-work-683785

You could have a look around facebook, google up local yards, arrange some lessons with an in-hand expert.
It's not helping you, tagging along on your husband's choice of days out, so start planning your own. You need to find your own interests, enjoy your own hobbies, make a regular schedule of small things to look forward to.
Start with that GP visit. You can challenge this inertia - one step at a time.
Wishing you all the best

I spoke to my GP re how I was feeling physically and she asked if I was stressed . Told her Ive been stressed fir last 12 years ! Lost job because of back and knee issues. Dad died. Ex died. 3 of sons friends died. Lost another job when it went out of business. Son had breakdown then mum died and thats just the tip of the iceburg. dont feel anti depressants will help in all honesty.
Lots of people come to me with their problems then seem to drop me when they ok.
Im worn out ! I work ten hour days . Usually without a break so Im totally drained on days off.
I am going to look at the horticultural courses someone suggested . A weekend away alone and go from there .

OP, I'm sorry you're in such a rut. Close family have died. You hate your job. Your husband is a dead weight. You friendship drains you.

It's not surprising that you are depressed.

The only good thing I can see in your situation is that you have nothing to lose by making changes, even drastic changes.

However, knowing what changes to make can be tricky when you've spent your life doing whatever others (e.g. your DH) want.

You need to get back in touch with yourself, and find out what makes you tick. You could try keeping a daily journal and perhaps following something like Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way (which is not just for artists!), to get back in touch with your own feelings and find out what lights your fire.

Once you've located your self again, make a plan. (And make any plan you like, however outrageous. What have you got to lose? It's actually quite a liberating position to be in.) Or you might find yourself taking pleasure in all sorts of things that you don't bother with or hardly notice now. Good luck

I don't want to minimise your life experiences, but what you are going through is very common for older people (and I say that as someone older than you as I'm now eligible for my state pension!)

It doesn't get any 'less painful' as we age. My mum is very old and is almost the only one left of lifelong friends she made in her teens. All her own family had died by the time she was 50. But she is really positive about making the most of each day. At 70, and again at 80, she joined new groups and met new people, all younger than she is. She did voluntary work and joined book clubs etc.

Your work
If you hate it, why are you there?
Do you need the money now (any mortgage?)
Are you just hanging on for a good pension?

Is this worthy of a re-think?

You may well be able to do something else for less income, but that gives you more joy. There is nothing worse than counting off the days to retirement.

You're still young enough to retrain and do something you love, part time. Stopping 'work' at 60+ is not mandatory. Many people work part time and self employed for much longer now.

I don't think you are 'depressed' but just fed up with life. Lots of people feel like you but you are the only one who can change that.

Start with your husband who sounds life selfish oaf!

Do you have to stay in this particular job?

You crave the sound and the sight of the sea - how far away is your nearest seaside town? Book a day trip there and get some beach therapy.

Be kind to yourself and treat yourself to nice things.