Tell my babies tomorrow me and dh are splitting up

[Idontknowhowtodothis25]

Hey guys, first time posting and I am so scared, dh and I have decided to slip up. 16 years together, 10 years married and a dd 8 and ds 5.
I am so worried about telling them, they are both mummy’s girl/boy but they do love their daddy, I’ve read up about it and what to say, when to do it, where etc.

I was just wondering what experiences of telling your kids did you have? Did they take it worse? Better? I’ve literally put my kids to bed tonight thinking it’s the last time before we shatter their world! Am I being dramatic or overthinking it?
crying just typing this!

I have a lots of trauma I’m trying to process from this relationship and childhood as well. 🙈

You sound like a wonderful dad!

This must be such a dilemma- I would feel exactly like you in the same position.

I need to resurrect the spirit of this thread as I am preparing to tell my DS who is 15 that his dad - STBX - has new flat and is leaving us next weekend.

Me and DS are on our own this weekend as STBX is off on some sort of midlife crisis weekend. It's Friday night and I want to tell him at dinner. I cannot face STBX coming home on Sunday and us pretending everything is normal; until we get ourselves together and tell him later in the week. I just think tonight is the time. That way he has my undivided attention all weekend and also no school to face if he's upset. I will encourage him to call his dad once I've told STBX so that he can hear what he has to say.

Am going to say it's mutual, which it is, and amicable so there isn't really any drama or pain from our POV. I appreciate STBX isn't around but I want DS to have the weekend to get used to the idea and then he can talk to his dad about it for the days running up to STBX's leaving.

STBX by the way doesn't seem to care much about this part of the separation. He's far more intested in getting to the interesting bits of his new life. He instigated it. Thinks DS will 'shrug it off'. Idiot.

Am I doing the right thing?

@MistyBay

I would recommend telling him together - that united front, and telling him head done nothing wrong and you both love him and will be there for him always is so important to say. But a warning, he may already know, my dd when (similar age) we sat her down said she was expecting it, and wondered why we didn't split years ago (so much for staying together for the kids!) my dd has taken it in her stride unlike her sibling who still barely talks to exh

Update - for anyone worried about the process. Well I’m now 3.5 years into being divorced and things have changed quite a bit but also not much has changed. 🤣 me and kids dad are still very amicable in fact get on really well. We both have other partners and are happy. My son is thriving, he has got close with his dad which is lovely and loves my new partner, literally calls him his best mate. My daughter struggled quite a bit but not initially it was about a year on and she started being very angry and moody and nothing like her usual self, I think this was also hormones but it was hard going for a while but she’s like a different person now, she’s like how I remember her when little. She’s happy bouncy, and so funny.

I’ve had a good few hard conversations with my x, where I found out he had been slagging me off to the kids, and where he was wanting me to accommodate him constantly with seeing the kids but o flexibility on his side but we have come through it. I have had to bite my tongue quite a bit over the years agree to things I didn’t want to, basically to put the kids first. It’s been hard but worth it to feel this happy. For anyone worried, you will get through it. Good luck.

@Idontknowhowtodothis25

Thank you for your update! It's always good to hear how things turn out so many years down the line and I'm glad things are positive for you and the children.
We're going to be telling our ds about the divorce in the next couple of months. Like you in dreading it, but I also want to get it over and done with so we can move on.

Just take one day at a time, with everything. And if you can only cope with one thing each day, then just do that. And whilst it’s all so raw, be kind to yourself. Take care xx