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Original poster

Advice on situation with new guy

42 replies

88smith · 04/11/2022 15:11

I met a new guy a week ago. We’ve been texting constantly and have been getting on great. Two days ago he said he really liked me and talked about going on a date and seeing each other on his days off. Didn’t care I have kids. There have been photos sent from both of us and haven’t slept together but talked about it. Yesterday he messaged me to say his ex had got in contact and that they’re going to give things another go but he really likes me and doesn’t want to lose me. I spoke to him told him I liked him and to give me a chance. He didn’t want to let her down so said he’ll give it a go with her he was really apologetic and said a few times her timing is bad etc. he said he didn’t want me to go but he’d understand if I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I’m confused and I do like him and we had a connection and I feel like something good could have come from it.
We kept talking for a while and he’s said that maybe we could meet for sex behind his girlfriends back. I didn’t answer.
Im just confused and wanted more.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 04/11/2022 15:13

We kept talking for a while and he’s said that maybe we could meet for sex behind his girlfriends back.

What a prince. He's basically asking for permission to treat you both like shit. Don't give it, unless you want to feel like shit.

Also, there's every chance he wasn't actually single at all.

Rockingcloggs · 04/11/2022 15:13

Do you know the distance between the UK & the US? Well, double it and that's about the distance you need to keep from this man. He wants cake, that's all. You're worth more than someone's bit on the side.

FatToFitPart3 · 04/11/2022 15:18

I bet she’s never been his ex, he’s just making all that up to get in your knickers without any worry about it getting serious. What a cock. Tell him to fuck off to the far side of fucksville. Maybe message his “ex” a screen shot too if you know who she is. I’m sure she’d like to know what a wanker he actually is.

5yearplan · 04/11/2022 15:20

What?! You haven’t even met him. Don’t give him the time of day from now on. He’s a user.

Cosycover · 04/11/2022 15:21

It's been a week. Just leave it.

AlwaysBloodyWorrying · 04/11/2022 15:21

Oh for fucks sake 🙄

emptythelitterbox · 04/11/2022 15:22

Have you ever met this guy in person?

defi · 04/11/2022 15:22

Block delete and move on. You don't want to be someone's second choice

Beamur · 04/11/2022 15:22

Throw this one back.
He's not a keeper.

Goodoldvera · 04/11/2022 15:23

It's a no, then. Genuine bad timing? I very much doubt it, but the red flag is massive..he's looking for a fuck buddy and being 'honest' about it hoping it will stand him in good stead...avoid like the plague he's manipulating you, block him and move on. He's a chancer with the gift of the gab on a good day..but probably much worse. His 'ex' is not as lucky as she thinks she is either

Sunshineandflipflops · 04/11/2022 15:23

Sounds like a prince. Don't be an option to anyone op - you deserve more than that.

I was dating someone a few years ago - nice guy, going ok but not the love of my life. He had only recently split up with his wife and had 3 kids (not a problem, I have 2 myself) and one day he told me that she wanted to give the marriage another go and he was really sorry as really liked me, etc.

I wished him luck and told him I completely understood, which I did to be honest. We weren't in love, he had young children and if they could make a go of their marriage then they absolutely should have tried. I mean, he shouldn't really have been dating but then I can't say I was over my marriage when I started either. We were going to keep in touch on a purely friendly basis until his wife started messaging me demanding to know if we were still sleeping together! We absolutely weren't but I decided to block them both as I didn't want the drama!

It sounds like this guy of yours doesn't have any kids op but you do so show them a better example than to be someone's bit on the side and also show yourself more respect and let him go to his ex.

PottyDottyDotPot · 04/11/2022 15:23

Block, delete, forget.

Sparkletastic · 04/11/2022 15:23

Walk away. He's not for you.

5128gap · 04/11/2022 15:32

Do you want to be his fall back if it doesn't work out with his ex? To know that when he had the choice of her or you, he chose her and you're just his insurance against being left with no one?
Do you want to be used to provide extra sex to a man also getting it in his primary relationship with the woman he chose over you?
Can you cope with waiting and hoping it doesn't work out, and she dumps him again, wasting time you could be spending meeting someone else?
Do you want to 'win' a guy who will cheat and lie and do the same to you he's doing to his current partner?

warofthemonstertrucks · 04/11/2022 15:34

Mate, he was never single. He's reeled you in and thinks he's done enough that you'll accept being his side piece. Oldest trick in the book. Block and move on.

wackamole · 04/11/2022 15:35

Be happy you only wasted a week. That he'll lie to his ex-ex IS a red flag; if he'd lie to her he'd lie to you. And if he's telling YOU the truth about her, it's crappy of him to agree with her to try again and not actually give it a decent try. And the sex behind her back is of course creepy. He didn’t want to let her down so said he’ll give it a go with her makes me think he MIGHT be the kind of guy that likes to blame other people and not take full responsibility for his choices and actions.

(Also, I sometimes find the discussion of having sex, after a very short time and before you've even met, indicates a bit of a casual/one-time focus for the guy. Depends on context and who brings it up so may be off base; just a thought as it sounds like you wanted more of a serious relationship, potentially.)

Freehotchocolate · 04/11/2022 15:46

88smith · 04/11/2022 15:11

I met a new guy a week ago. We’ve been texting constantly and have been getting on great. Two days ago he said he really liked me and talked about going on a date and seeing each other on his days off. Didn’t care I have kids. There have been photos sent from both of us and haven’t slept together but talked about it. Yesterday he messaged me to say his ex had got in contact and that they’re going to give things another go but he really likes me and doesn’t want to lose me. I spoke to him told him I liked him and to give me a chance. He didn’t want to let her down so said he’ll give it a go with her he was really apologetic and said a few times her timing is bad etc. he said he didn’t want me to go but he’d understand if I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. I’m confused and I do like him and we had a connection and I feel like something good could have come from it.
We kept talking for a while and he’s said that maybe we could meet for sex behind his girlfriends back. I didn’t answer.
Im just confused and wanted more.

"He said maybe we could meet for sex behind his girlfriend's back"
Hahahahaha, what a catch.
What an absolute prize he is.
You are worth so much more than this.
How he treats the girlfriend is an indication of how he'll likely treat you.
I'm sorry as it's hard when you like someone but he's clearly an absolute dog.

Ofcourseshecan · 04/11/2022 15:48

To be fair, it sounds as if he was trying to let you down lightly after his ex contacted him. He'd been in touch with you for a week, and you haven't even had a date yet. It was you who pressed him to choose you instead of his ex. Saying maybe we could meet for sex behind his girlfriends back is truly disgusting. But it sounds to me as if he just didn't have the strength to keep saying No.

Anyway, better luck next time, OP.

Holdonwharaboutthewaffles · 04/11/2022 15:49

What a catch...

ViolinPin · 04/11/2022 16:23

Bin him.

Original poster
88smith · 04/11/2022 16:24

I should have maybe said that I got his number from my best mate. He said that this friend is a good guy and I can trust him. I did get angry with my mate when things happened yesterday but I know ultimately it’s not his fault.

OP posts:
GreenManalishi · 04/11/2022 16:36

He said this friend is a good guy and I can trust him

Does this feel true when you look at his behaviour? Is he behaving like a person you could trust? Think for yourself.

He's trying to get in your knickers behind his girlfriends back. And this isn't enough to put you off, you then beg him to "give you a chance".

This is after one week.

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 04/11/2022 16:37

What's not his fault? The fact that's a 2 timing prick isn't his fault? Who's fault is it?

Marineboy67 · 04/11/2022 16:39

AlwaysBloodyWorrying · 04/11/2022 15:21

Oh for fucks sake 🙄

This with bells on....sometimes you have to ask "is this for real?"

NotAnotherTaco · 04/11/2022 16:41

Def run for the hills!!

Also, if you're on instagram, follow lalalaletmeexplain .... it's a real eye opener on fuckwits like this who mess with your head!

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