DP and conspiracy theories

[Sarrah1]

Had a huge fallout with DP yesterday and now I am at a loss where to go from there..

A bit of background, my DP is lovely but he bought into Covid conspiracy theories. The pandemic put massive pressure on our relationship because he was convinced that Covid is not real and made up to push people to get a harmful vaccine, with the media being the main instrument of the conspirators because they are being paid to push the fear. We had countless arguments (because I think that's absolutely batshit, I had my vaccines, and while I respect personal choice when it comes to vaccines and don't mind others not having them, I can't respect pushing a narrative around vaccines being made to intentionally harm people).

We broke up in 2020 because of this, before getting back together (just missed each other too much and didn't want to allow politics and different views to end what we have) and agreed to not talk about this topic again. We had a rough time throughout 2021, but we both made an effort and with Covid being not as big a topic in the media and public life anymore, things went back to normal in early 2022 and we have a lovely relationship since then. He also stopped talking about conspiracy theories, and part of me was hoping that he realised himself now that his Covid theories were wrong, and we are leaving conspiracy theories behind us for good.

The past ten months were bliss, no arguments, no conspiracy theories, everything was just perfect.

Up until yesterday, when we started talking about the cost of living crisis. He thinks that prices are intentionally high - agreed on between governments and private corporates. He doesn't think that there is a need for anything to be more expensive than it was in 2019, e.g. that supermarkets could sell their items to the same prices if they wanted to/the governments would let them.

Now my question...is this a new conspiracy theory I haven't heard of yet? Is he going down another rabbit hole here with an orchestrated cost of living crises by governments and those in powerful positions? Or am I overreacting (oversensitive towards this topic) and this isn't entirely batshit (again)? I cried myself to sleep yesterday, I don't think I can go through another conspiracy theory episode, but also things were just so perfect with him during the past few months when there were no conspiracy theories interfering with our relationship 😢

It doesn't matter whether this is a conspiracy theory. If he's behaving/talking in a way that makes you uncomfortable, tell him. He doesn't have to be doing anything wrong. If you're not happy, say so, and if he respects you and wants you to feel good, he'll amend his behaviour, or have a discussion with you about how things can work differently so that you both get what you need.

You have an incompatibility, and if you can't work out, as a couple, how to work around it, then you are incompatible. This isn't about conspiracy theories, it's about you not respecting his views, and him not respecting your feelings.

Thank you. I agree with your first point, and I guess he'd be happy to put this topic on our list of topics we don't talk about, like we did it with Covid, so that no one feels uncomfortable.
I don't think I have a problem with respecting a different opinion...he also thinks that Trump was a great president, for example - I absolutely disagree, but it is an opinion and I can accept that and don't have any issues. But I think that some conspiracy theories go a step further...it's not an 'opinion' to think that Covid vaccines are made to intentionally harm people, it's just wrong. And if his thoughts around the cost of living crisis take the same turn, I will find it hard to accept.

I wonder if it's not Covid or COL it'll be something else, an ongoing issue.

It could be that you are just not compatible in this one but huge area. It could affect you every day for the life of your relationship and you could end up with an insanely long list of topics to be skirted around.

Would not be for me OP.

You could keep banning topics but I don't think it's healthy to go through life thinking that everyone is out to get you, I couldn't be with someone who was continually living in that mindset, always looking for someone to blame. Generally too I think people tend to get more extreme in their views as they age. And conspiracy theorists tend to exist in a lot of online spaces that pull them further and further away from anyone who doesn't agree with them. He may still.be consuming a lot of content that will prove problematic for your relationship.

But why do you think your opinion is the right one and his wrong?
No one actually knows what’s really going on, and yet you seem to think you know better than your dp, I’d be more concerned about being in a relationship with someone who only thinks their perspective is the right one, rather than there being multiple different opinions, outcomes and truths.

he actually doesn’t consume online conspiracy content but naturally is very mistrusting when it comes to those in power, he always tries to find reasons to assume the worst.

yes, I can see how it is frustrating for him to be with someone who thinks they are right, but honestly, I had 3 covid vaccines and I am alive, so with some of his more extreme views like covid vaccines are designed to kill, I actually am right

Oh dear. Fallen down a few rabbit holes yourself have you?

My DP is similar, although we don't live together so it's easier to deal with. The main things to consider are:

• what are is actions like, is he general a kind, decent partner?
• does he ram opinions down your throat or allow you to have a differing view?
• is he becoming a bore?

Also, what I think he might be alluding to is the great reset, which is not a conspiracy as such, as it's been linked the idea that we should 'own nothing and be happy'. But that has also been over played www.reuters.com/article/uk-factcheck-wef-idUSKBN2AP2T0

However I am concerned about inequality and neoliberalism eroding our quality of life so in that sense everyone should be a bit concerned. See here for an example

But at the end of the day, he's probably not going to stop having his particularly world views, so can you live with this aspect of his personality?

Some people seem to be exceptionally prone to falling for various conspiracy theories. They will always find at least one to latch onto, and will be easily led down a new rabbit hole when the latest one has run its course.

If the relationship is otherwise great it may be worth talking about the way algorithms tend to push more and more extreme content on users (Youtube is notorious for this) and encouraging him to actively seek out content outside of this narrative? Would he be open to develop his critical research skills you think? E.g. distinguishing credible sources from fringe sites, learning how to interpret and question data?

That assumes of course he is not too far down the road in terms of 'the whole world is a global swamp of conspiracies, you can't trust anyone, the royal family are space lizards'...

We are living in scary and uncertain times so I can understand why people crave understanding and certainty. I doesn't mean they're bad people.

he also thinks that Trump was a great president

Let's me honest, it's somewhat hilarious that Trump was hated in the press daily, but there's barely a mention these days over Biden (who quite frankly, is dangerous as he's actually lost his mind!!)

it's not an 'opinion' to think that Covid vaccines are made to intentionally harm people, it's just wrong

It's an opinion, OP. You're ok with his opinions unless they are too far from what you consider to be 'right'.

You are to prescriptive in your views for a relationship with this man. That's probably mutual. Suggesting that his opinion is not an opinion because you think it's wrong is ultimately very disrespectful to him. What is his viewpoint if it's not an opinion? You are completely disregarding not just his viewpoint, but his right to have one, because it's so far from yours. Let him be, and if you don't like him, leave him. He doesn't need you to agree with him to have a happy life. You don't need to convince him he's wrong to have a happy life.

I wouldn't tolerate this.
Imagine if you had a child? He/she being taught all this nonsense.

Thinking whole chunks of the medical establishment are keeping shush about activity killing people is just plain rude. Not to mention dumb.

It's starting again with the new one on finance institutions. It only takes one whistleblower, so out of the hundreds and thousands of people who would have to keep quiet does he honestly think not one of them would say anything?

It's just boring if nothing else OP.

Either respond with a shrug saying "get what we gonna do?" Or consider sitting him down and saying you are not interested in listening to conspiracy nonsense ever again that's what his mates are for.

I don't think these opinions exist in a vacuum. If he really believes them it says something about his outlook on life in general, the way he thinks, his openness to information and reasoning..

You can't believe this stuff and be otherwise healthy and sensible imo.

Are you hoping to have children? Is this the father you want guiding them through life?

The consipracy theories aren't interferring with your perfect relationship.

You are in a relationship with a man who has some fairly key beliefs that are incompatible with yours. What you want to do about that is up to you.

We broke up in 2020 because of this, before getting back together

this would only really have worked if you're both capable of respecting the others view point and not taking a differing one as a personal insult.

The Trump would have done it for me though......

Having to ban topics of conversation that make you uncomfortable is a weird way of ignoring the fact you and your partner are incompatible…

if not Trump, if not vaccines, if not the cost of living crisis, there will always be something else that your partner latches on to. How old are you? How many more decades do you have ahead of you where he will announce that something is a hoax / trick / conspiracy? Being brutally honest I worry you will have a very long life ahead of you with this man.

Choose someone who makes your day to day life feel easy and who you are aligned with, no?

You can't seriously think it's going to be a good long term relationship with someone who has such different, and in my opinion and yours totally crazy, views on life? Relationships mean sharing, at all sorts of levels and I just don't think you can with someone like this, unless you buy into it all yourself. You don't mentioned ages and plans but you couldn't possibly think about raising kids with him, surely. Personally I couldn't even introduce him to friends or family!

This is who he is personality wise and there will always be a conspiracy theory waiting around the corner. You need to decide if waiting for the other shoe to drop is something you want as part of your daily life.

This is who he his!

so out of the hundreds and thousands of people who would have to keep quiet does he honestly think not one of them would say anything?

Conspiracy theorists are what someone I saw in an article called 'The Ah But What Abouters.' As in you can come out with all sorts of logical facts and figures to debunk them but they always have a riposte and it starts with 'Ah, but what about....?'

When I was on twitter and bored I used to windup the Great Reset merchants to see how long it would take before me asking how it would work in practice would end in a) being told to do my own research b) being told to watch this You Tube vid or c) being blocked.

He sounds exactly like my other half and you sound exactly like me!
We have just agreed to disagree on Covid and other wacky opinions as that is what they are...opinions. Neither of us are right or wrong and there is no persuading the other one otherwise so we just say whatever and move on!

Thanks all for the input. I guess I need to give up on the hope that the Covid conspiracy thing was a one-off, and think about whether or not we are compatible enough with our very different views, and if we can shrug off our different opinions and move on

Sorry, but if he is a Trump supporter then he is a blithering idiot.

The conspiracy theorists I came across online always referred to those with power wanting to reduce the population by covert means. It does sound like your DH is still down the rabbit hole. On a positive note, a lot of the people who were very active on these forums gradually faded away. For some, the theories didn’t add up anymore. I think others moved on with their lives and their circumstances changed.

Also, re Trump, I think the only reason why he supports him is that the media doesn't support him, and the media is the end-opponent. Trump doesn't align with his usual views.