Red flags all over ?

[summersunshine46]

I’ve written a lot of posts about this situation, most recently a couple of days ago. I wrote how I felt like I was overthinking and analysing things, but tonight I can no longer look past things and I’ve had a realisation that this guy has red flags circulating over him but I want a second opinion on this also.

So guy in question accidentally told me he loved me a couple of weeks into dating. Since then he’s told me every time I see him how much he likes me etc. last night I went round and his dog started growling and barking at me he come downstairs and was like let the dog sit with us so I did even though I felt weird about it. He then bent down and said ‘I can’t believe you think that she is a c**t’ to the dog I was gobsmacked, joke or not felt really weird behaviour.

Then we were watching film and it was a comedy but had a funeral part in it and he was like whose reading your eulogy, I was like erm I don’t plan on dying this young any time soon but he kept asking me thought it was strange. Then he grabbed hold of my hand and continue to tell me how much he likes me and that he wants me to be his fitness buddy. This was during the point in the film where they were talking about being exclusive and it had been something that was on my mind but glad I didn’t bring it up.

he told me the bottle of Prosecco couldn’t be opened becuase he’s saving it for his date tonight (whether that was a joke or not I’m not sure). Then this morning he woke up and said do you want a coffee in bed and I said you don’t have to get up this early and he said no it’s ok I really like you so I want to, then we went bit off and cold and then I left he gave me a little peck whereas normally it’s full on kiss. Then tonight he’s gone off out again and for the first time in 2 months he’s gone compeltley silent and left mg message unread.

everytime I see him it’s really good during the night go for food and drinks he acts like I’m the only person in the room and is so attentive. The next day I go away and my head is completely all over the place. Surely this is not normal 2 months into dating?

OP, he’s called you “a cunt”; he’s telling you he can’t open the Prosecco because it’s for his next date; he’s talking about your funeral. These comments are vile.

He’s getting away with this because he’s good looking. His looks are semi-disguising his poisonous side at the moment. It’s time to plop him back and let him play with someone else.

I can't decide if this guy is a bit batshit and a bastard, or a bit batshit and ahem intellectually challenged and filterless.

But even if it's the latter, do you really want to deal with that in a partner and eventually a coparent. He's offensive and off, whether he means to be or not.

What I wonder is why you don't think you could find these things in someone who was consistently nice to you. Lots of men are physically attractive, any potential partner will go to nice places with you and do nice things for you. Why are you continuing to date someone who also says really dodgy things, and who makes you feel like shit between dates?

Essentially: why do you think you need to keep dating someone who confuses you? Do you think that's what a healthy relationship looks like?

6 threads!!! not sure why you keep starting new threads on a guy u should be running miles from. you'll not dump him tho cos hes good looking. seriously, what do u hope to achieve by posting on here seeing as you arent listening?

@summersunshine46 decided just recently to try and date for fun.

You’ve opened 6 threads on this man and sound miserable so not sure where the fun part lies herein…

He's enjoying playing mind games with you. It's sport to him.

Try to see what he's doing in a curious objective way to avoid being pulled in to it.

This is so much ag for 2 months In.

Quite. He's messing with your head. Very bad news.

You say he confuses you, but I don't see where the confusion is. The situation is straightforward. He is a nasty piece of work, who enjoys hurting you and then lovebombing you in order to reel you back in for more insults and mind games.

Do yourself a favour and shut him out of your life.

He sounds like a proper weirdo.

Love bombing
blowing hot and cold
marriage only lasting 4 weeks
not sounding great is it?
I would love to hear his ex-wife’s take on it.

Perhaps the dog was trying to warn you?

I think the same as the other posters. He is deliberately messing with your head. He is sinister.
How much do you actually really know about him? Have you seen the marriage certificate? Are you sure he was married, and that his marriage ended the way he said it did? Is she still around? He is telling you clearly who he is, but you aren't listening.

You are worth so much more, hold your head high and walk away.

I haven't read any of your other threads, @summersunshine46 but to judge solely from this one, this man is bloody weird. He sounds unhinged to me. I would walk away and change your phone number.

Why are you not running from this man ?!
he’s love bombing you then using his dog to call you disgusting names
blows hot and cold
ignores messages after live bombing you
asks about your funeral !

It’s called mind games - it’s scary and confusing and that’s exactly how it’s affecting you . Two months in it should be light, breezy and fun . It sounds suffocating , intense and frightening to be honest . You shouldn’t need to post on a forum to ask about this behaviour , it should be clear that this is not normal or healthy

Not to mention the short lived marriage two seconds before he met you which to be honest Would have been an instant “no thanks “ from me

At the time Ted Bundy was attractive and charming.

Christ on a bike he's horrible.

I had one of these. As time went on the intense attention and lovebombing got less and less and the headfuckery got more and more. Reader, I didn't marry that one.

@been and done it. At the time Ted Bundy was attractive and charming.

his ex wife has only good things to say about him, apparently he was a very nice husband. It's just interesting how narcissists tend to be very attractive, funny and charming.

@HerReputationMadeItDifficultToProceed I had one of these. As time went on the intense attention and lovebombing got less and less and the headfuckery got more and more.

Same here. It always takes that direction, funny how it works eh? They always follow that lovebombing-devaluation-discard order.

😱

I mean you’re a couple months in and you’ve already written several MN posts about this relationship. Dh and I have been together 14+ years and I don’t think I’ve ever written a MN post about his behaviour. This is all too much too soon and too much drama.