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Original poster

Anyone else hate dating and prefer being single?

33 replies

dawdlingdeirdre · 03/11/2022 21:21

Don't know what i want from this post but does anyone else feel they cannot be bothered with dating anymore?

I am 39 but in all honestly i cannot be arsed with it. Its not fun, full of weirdos, time consuming and id rather focus on myself and hobbies.

I made a pros and cons list to a relationship vs being single and to be honest i think there were more cons to being in a relationship.

I enjoy my own company and i suppose if i met the right person id consider a relationship BUT i don't believe in searching for it. I find people in general bloody hard work and a pain in the arse!

Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
Lavendersparkles22 · 03/11/2022 21:26

Yes, I feel exactly the same. 37, separated from STXH over 2 years ago and I'm happier than ever. Have tried the apps, but oh my lord there are a lot of weirdos out there.

hilariousnamehere · 03/11/2022 21:28

Meeeee, had two lovely long term relationships in my teens and twenties and been single nearly 9 years now (at nearly 37). I've never dated - I hate the concept and can't imagine being happier than I am on my own 😁

SerenaB12 · 03/11/2022 21:32

Yes! My kids are grown ups, I have more time than I've ever had but the thought of dating makes me go cold.. the sheer fuckery of it and I'm just not interested in hearing any more bullshit..I find men very boring now..still haven't resolved the problem of sex (waiting for the menopausal aversion to sex to kick in 🙈) haven't dated for over a year and it's much more calmer and easier. I hear you OP, life is just better with just me and my needs.

B1rd · 03/11/2022 21:36

Yes. I feel exactly the same. For the past 6 years since splitting up with my exH, I have encountered men who thought it was ok to try and treat me like sh1t. All my relationships I end at 3 months, if not before, when they start to reveal their hideous selves. They always come back and apologise... wanting another go! FFS.

Plus, the men on dating apps only make me swipe left. I consider myself choosy too and rarely swipe right!

Whilst I can be lonely at times and miss doing things as a couple, I think I'm better off by myself. It's less traumatic.

Stressfordays · 03/11/2022 21:38

I felt like this. Completely gave up, became very comfortable and happy on my own. Then someone amazing has walked into my life and I still have some mental conflict with it all! I enjoy being single and my own time, but I really enjoy being with this person. Luckily hes a patient man and understands. I don't think I could ever live with someone again though.

EVHead · 03/11/2022 21:39

Cannot begin to face it. Five years on. I like my own company and cannot be arsed with men’s bullshit any more.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 03/11/2022 21:41

I'm single for the first time since I was 20 and I'm now 42. No intention of even looking!

AuntieDickhead · 03/11/2022 21:41

Yep. Most of the men OLD seem to be creeps and weirdos (mind you I'm also OLD so maybe I'm a creep/weirdo)
I'm so used to being on my own (well, with my DC) that having another adult here would be annoying.

And tbh I won't risk getting my heart broken again.

SorenLorensonIsInvisible · 03/11/2022 21:47

Me! Even if I could skip the awful dating stage and the perfect person simply materialised, I CBA with a relationship either tbh. 🤣

Hawkins001 · 03/11/2022 21:49

For me it's never knowing who your truly dating, e.g. You get all the nice side, when dating then usually it's only when your together for a while that you may realise 😲 etc, I prefer friendship first to see how they are day to day, and in theory if they do have a "mask" then how much their personality matches vs the mask.

PinkSyCo · 03/11/2022 21:53

Been single for over 10 years now and absolutely love it. I like my own company and am very very picky when it comes to men, so have not even bothered looking. If a devastatingly handsome, intelligent, kind, interesting, funny, generous man did happen to fall onto my lap I probably would consider dating him but I don’t think I would ever live with a man again.

Senseofsomething · 03/11/2022 21:54

Yes. I think a perfectly good choice is not to bother dating.

Obviously ‘you’ll meet someone when you least expect it’ though… everyone tells me that so it must be true. 😆

Then you can decide if you can be bothered with a relationship or not!

BigFatLiar · 03/11/2022 22:01

I think this goes with the thread on living in seperate houses.

If you're happy on your own that's fine just get on with life. Why would you put yourself though the hassle.
If you've been on your own for a while I don't think it's easy to make that transition to having someone else share your space.

I have a number of single friends (mainly male) and they're quite happy with their hobbies and interests. The idea of a romantic relationship just wouldn't cross their mind now.

You don't need a partner to be happy.

IsThereAPenOfIt · 03/11/2022 22:03

Hawkins001 · 03/11/2022 21:49

For me it's never knowing who your truly dating, e.g. You get all the nice side, when dating then usually it's only when your together for a while that you may realise 😲 etc, I prefer friendship first to see how they are day to day, and in theory if they do have a "mask" then how much their personality matches vs the mask.

Yeah I also think that friendship might be the best way in... so you see who they really are.
That's why I'm not actively, openly looking. I undertake my assessments by stealth.

Original poster
dawdlingdeirdre · 03/11/2022 22:09

@hilariousnamehere How did you get into your relationships out of interest if you didn't date? I am the happiest i have been in a long time. Being in a relationship would be alien to me now lol.

OP posts:
Squizzas · 03/11/2022 22:09

Been single for over 10 years now and absolutely love it. I like my own company and am very very picky when it comes to men, so have not even bothered looking. If a devastatingly handsome, intelligent, kind, interesting, funny, generous man did happen to fall onto my lap I probably would consider dating him but I don’t think I would ever live with a man again.

same here. I divorced 12 years ago. Had a short spell of OLD which was depressing and grim. I’m in my 60s and not bothered at all about being single. I love my own space, am happy doing what I want when I want, seeing friends, enjoying my hobbies and groups. If someone amazing somehow crossed my path I’d consider it but am not vaguely bothered if I don’t have a relationship again.

anthurium · 03/11/2022 22:26

@dawdlingdeirdre do you want children Op? Or have them already and don't want more?

Since having my own last year, I'm a solo mother by choice (I used a sperm donor to conceive) I'm finding romantic relationships don't really have much to offer to me nowadays (and 4 years ago I was desperate to meet someone to have a family with!!).

I cannot envisage being able to produce the level of emotional labouring required to maintain a relationship, maybe it's also having a young child that has changed the way I see things...

I think I'd have to meet someone who I see as important as my child, but having dated for the past two decades and getting nowhere, I can't see what would be different this time round??

Hawkins001 · 03/11/2022 22:50

IsThereAPenOfIt · 03/11/2022 22:03

Yeah I also think that friendship might be the best way in... so you see who they really are.
That's why I'm not actively, openly looking. I undertake my assessments by stealth.

Show quote history

Its the best way really, then it gives perspectives on who's the real person, vs the one they want to showcase, especially their temperament, there philosophy, their views ect.

plus if they are pretending to be someone else, then in theory slips will happen in their cover stories,

Hawkins001 · 03/11/2022 22:55

There's a friend, I'd be intrigued with but she's certainly stubborn at times more so, than when she said she was fairly laid back, and she has a habit of saying what she truly thinks, but then because it sounds e.g. Like it could put people off, she changes her reasoning for it. Which I can understand her perspectives but it's like be yourself.although the pickle is, she's already in a relationship, and thinks I wouldn't be interested, but that's due to me not wanting to get between them, and I'm not sure she would have the complexities of an open relationship.

PermanentTemporary · 03/11/2022 23:04

I need sex. And not just tab B into slot A, but total physical intimacy. Hence I'm in a relationship again despite being quite conflicted about the idea, because if you do that kind of thing with someone they start to be important to you. A great nuisance to both of us, we're both quite happy alone, or we were before.

Hawkins001 · 03/11/2022 23:10

PermanentTemporary · 03/11/2022 23:04

I need sex. And not just tab B into slot A, but total physical intimacy. Hence I'm in a relationship again despite being quite conflicted about the idea, because if you do that kind of thing with someone they start to be important to you. A great nuisance to both of us, we're both quite happy alone, or we were before.

Being single I do miss the emotional connection , and for a change it would be nice too trust and be able to talk to each other emotionally ect. (But in my line of duties) a rarity and luxury.

Maverickess · 03/11/2022 23:31

I'm finally happy with it, I spent a long time on my own when DD was young, and simultaneously wondering what was so wrong with me that I was perpetually single, but I never stopped to think if I actually wanted someone or if I felt like I was constantly judged for being on my own and desperate not to be.

Then I had a disastrous relationship, and it did put me off for a few years, but I am genuinely over it and just........ Can't be bothered now, honestly the effort is too much! I like my life the way it is and anyone coming into it would just have to fit without too much effort from either of us I think, because I don't think someone should have to constantly compromise for me and me not do it back, but more their lifestyle and ideals align with mine so we're doing the same stuff anyway - does that even make sense?!
I'm perfectly happy on my own now and don't feel the need to go looking.

NoodleSoup12 · 03/11/2022 23:32

I feel the same! Never liked dating, much prefer it when things start with friendship or just meet in real life. I don’t think there’s enough pay off for the effort when dating! Plus, in mid/late 30s now, feel that my priority really is enjoying time with my young kids and enjoying my work. I can totally imagine if I met someone now I might not be so keen to get into anything serious. And I can also imagine being quite a bit older, kids grown, and feeling like romantic love might become a priority again. But having had 2 LTRs as an adult… I thought some aspects were lovely, but ultimately too much energy from me to take care of grown men!

hilariousnamehere · 04/11/2022 00:29

@dawdlingdeirdre One was school - we were 14 till 22 and still friends, families are friends and we keep each other posted about big life stuff (marriage, babies, parent deaths, etc) although I haven't actually met up with him in years.

Other one was through my car club, meant to be a fun fling while we did a rally and lasted a lot longer than intended, and we had a lot of fun. But when we parted ways I was more relieved than upset Blush

In the unlikely event I do meet anyone else I can be arsed with actually going through the hassle of being with, I imagine I'll trip over them through steampunk or my other slightly weird hobbies. But very happy not to, I love my life and it's set up exactly how I want it (and I'm lucky that I have never wanted children so that hasn't complicated things Grin )

2022Ilovealiein · 04/11/2022 03:12

I made a choice in 1994 (after 1 marriage and 2 long term relationships) to live alone,
remain single, and to be celibate, its 2022 and it is still PURE BLISS!