I want my mum...

[GreyCarpet]

Not my mum. I haven't seen my mother in over 10 years and I never will again.

It's been a very long time since I felt like this but I went to bed last night and cried because I just have a really strong feeling that I want my mum.

I don't even know what it is that I want. I never got love or warmth or a kind word or a hug from her and, if I ever did, I was too young to remember. I got plenty of criticism, derision, humiliation, shame, blame and pain from her so it's not even that I miss something I've lost.

But I really want my mum 😞

Oh, this is so sad. I have no advice but can offer a motherly understanding virtual hug.

God we can cause each other so much pain can't we. Sending hugs OP, and hoping you can find comfort and warmth in your life. 💕

@GreyCarpet this resonates with me beyond anything. I've lost my mum five years ago. Sometimes I just have this aching emptiness inside me, a huge mum shaped hole in my life that nothing else can fill.

I'll give you a hug if you give me one back x

My mum passed away 20 years ago, I was 21 at the time. I often have this overwhelming burning want for her, often at big life events. Don’t think it will ever go away. I had surgery a couple of years ago and woke up from the anaesthetic crying uncontrollably for my mum, that was a real harrowing experience. Sending you big hugs ❤️

My Mum died 9 years ago, and sometimes I just sit and think of her and miss her so much. I actually ache for her. Sometimes she is in my dreams though. I think there is something so intense about a Mum and child bond. It is so strong even when a child has been abused or neglected when life gets rough they still want there Mum.

Thank you for the hugs - and, of course, sending then back.

Yes, that's what it feels like. An aching emptiness.

I imagine a mum hug would make you feel safe and reassured and that everything will be OK. I imagine that words of comfort would be forthcoming and a sense of being loved.

My mum didn't even hug me when my fiance broke up with me when I was 7 months pregnant and I waked back into her living room and said, "Well, it looks like I'm going to be a single mum then."

I know some women have managed to forge 'motherly' relationships with other women but I've never managed that.

I know that we can all only rely on ourselves but I do wish that I had someone to lean on every now and then. Or even just someone who really knows me and gets me. Who shares a history with me.

I feel like a balloon just drifting away some days. Like maybe one day I'll just drift higher and higher until I'm out of sight and no one will really notice because no one has remembered to look up and see if I'm still there for some time.

I lost my mum five years ago when I was 38, and my heart aches for her every day. What I wouldn’t give to spend a day with her just chatting and drinking tea.
Sending hugs to everyone.

I really understand that.

Earlier his year, I woke up in the middle of the night crying and calling out for my mum. I was so loud I woke my daughter up.

I am so sorry op. This sucks. I think therapy would be a good idea. Perhaps inner child work? This is a great book too.

Recovery of Your Inner Child: The Highly Acclaimed Method for Liberating Your Inner Self amzn.eu/d/herWMif

OP I completely understand. You never get over the pain ot not having a loving mother. I have friends who have lost their mums who were wonderful and kind, which is devastating for them. But at least they got to experience that love, that safety and comfort. To never have that is something I think is impossible to ever really come to terms with because it has such a deep, deep impact on your life and nobody else can replace. You are mourning the loss of the mother you should have had but never will.

I hope you have other people in your life who love you. It will never fill that hole, but it can make the sadness less of a constant stab in the heart.

Agree with the PP that therapy helps. I found EMDR helped a lot with processing trauma.

I’m sorry OP

Sending you virtual hugs.

Oh OP how sad :(

I lost my mum 30 years ago and I still cry for her and miss her. But at least I was lucky and had 20 years or so with a good mum.

But to never have had a nice cuddle from your mum, my heart breaks for you ❤️

I hear you, it’s not your actual mum but someone who would be what a “mum” is. Society has this ideal that mums are ever loving, supporting, caring - that a mother/daughter bond is precious and unbreakable so when that’s not been your experience it’s hard to know where to get that nurture from - and you can’t provide that all for yourself.

In my experience different people have filled that role at different times, friends, extended family members, at one time a particularly nurturing therapist have all filled that gap to some extent. Allow yourself to feel the loss of what you never had, because it is a loss and look for nurturing people in your life, people who love you for who you are.

Thank you.

When I was a child, my mum, dad and brother would sit on the sofa watching films etc on TV. I had to sit on another chair. I remembered asking a couple of times if I could sit with them but I couldn't. There was only space for three people. There was never room for me.

I struggle with all relationships now because I just don't know how to have them really. I feel ashamed, undeserving, I don't know. I only have one true friend and she has stuck by me but even then, I wouldn't say we are close and we don't often see each other.

I have a boyfriend but I'm struggling with that too. I can feel myself withdrawing from him because he deserves to be with someone better than me. Less damaged; less distant.

I just want to talk it all through with My Mum.

Both my parents were only children.

There is no extended family. I've never had people who cared about me around me.

I was quite close to my grandma when I was younger but after one incident when my mum behaved particularly appallingly, my grandma said she despaired of her and didn't know why she behaved the way she did to me but that my mum was her daughter and her loyalty would always be to her.

I was late 20s then and mine and my grandma's relationship suffered irreparably. Partly because I knew that my grandma didn't have my back after all and partly because she realised it too.

There has never been anyone else.

I am so sorry OP. I really want mine; we had issues along the way but there is nothing that compares. She died 8 years ago when my eldest was 2.5. When I’m stressed out I feel it more - it’s like no one else understands me and how hard things are sometimes. She knew me and understood me - warts and all - and I’m not sure anyone else does. Hoping you find peace OP - you’re not alone x

I don't have any people who love me for me in my life.

I've never let anyone get close enough. And I'm not sure anyone has ever really wanted to.

I lost my mum 8 yrs ago we had a complicated relationship but I miss her and often yearn for her nonetheless 🥺 sending love to you being an adult sucks and I need an adult to adult me and tell me it will all be ok and I'm in my 50s

Losing your Mum is a raw, agonising pain/loss that is impossible to describe if you’ve not experienced it. Even at 58 - my heart, body and soul aches for mine (and she’s been dead 9 years). Sometimes I look at my DD and think that one day she too will suffer this awful loss and I hate knowing that she has it to come.

My wife often wants her mum (who died many years ago) when she's feeling ill, low, or in pain (which she is a lot recently.) I try, but I'm not her mum.

I personally find it strange as my mother was the coldest woman alive, so I could never imagine wanting her for comfort.

I hope others can find comfort in the memories of their mum.

I'm afraid the people posting who had lovely relationships with their mothers, felt valued, loved...will never understand where you are coming from.

You don't want your mother, you want the mother you should have had. I know that feeling well...I've not seen my mother in 13 years, by choice. Like yours, I have no memories of her ever having hugged me or having her tell me she loves me. I honestly don't think she does, she had children because as a Catholic woman it was expected. I think she deeply disliked and regretted motherhood.

I admit that I'm deeply jealous of my friends etc that had/have 'normal' mothers/parents (my father was shit as well). It also generates quite a lot of anger for me, that has lead to depression. You also sound very depressed. I'd see your GP as soon as possible and tell them what you've posted on here.

I know that feeling well. My own mum was abusive throughout my entire childhood, we’ve been NC for almost 8 years now but there’s still times when I have a bad day that I wish I had a Mum.

I know there’s nothing anyone can say to make you feel better but you aren’t alone OP

I've been NC with my mum for several years Op, and I don't think I'll ever see her again. I won't bore you with details of my own childhood but I have very good reasons for never wanting to see my mother other partner again, or allow them access to my own young children.

I feel as though I constantly yearning for and missing the mum that I never had. I really do understand. It's not fair.

I have a few good friends, my work and voluntary work, and am close to my siblings. I try to be thankful for what I have. And that despite my mothers actions and neglect I still have my head held high, and a good person and am making a success of my life.

This might not make a lot of sense.

I have a good mum but have struggled with feelings of abandonment before, struggled with attachment and understand that feeling of wanting to be home and wanting to be wanted and recognised.

Years ago I had a kind of vision or flashback or memory while meditating. I was a very young child, walking down the street, holding my mum's hand. I was smiling up at her and just full of love and happiness and trust.

It was so moving I cried. But the weird thing is that I was crying because I'd suddenly realised that that big feeling of love was already in me, that it was me, I always had it and I can always get back to it because it is mine, it is me, and as a child I occupied it fully without questioning. In that vision my mother was the focus of my love, she wasn't the source of it. You already are what you need.