I want my mum...

[GreyCarpet]

Not my mum. I haven't seen my mother in over 10 years and I never will again.

It's been a very long time since I felt like this but I went to bed last night and cried because I just have a really strong feeling that I want my mum.

I don't even know what it is that I want. I never got love or warmth or a kind word or a hug from her and, if I ever did, I was too young to remember. I got plenty of criticism, derision, humiliation, shame, blame and pain from her so it's not even that I miss something I've lost.

But I really want my mum 😞

Here is the thing OP. As humans we are hardwired to need our mothers, and those that have lost theirs from estrangement are no exception. Like little ducklings searching for their mum.

It is so incredibly hard. You are grieving someone who is still alive. Unless someone who has been through this (I have) they simply cannot understand.

My advice is that find validation through online support groups, loving relationships be that friendships or others.
Love yourself. Learn how to reparent yourself (through therapy) if you can.
You are not alone

Oh OP I know this feeling.

I am in my 40s now, my mum died when I was 17. She did some things so utterly and entirely unforgivable that meant I was homeless as a young teen and went through a whole host of traumatic unpleasantness that I can’t even begin to imagine my own DC going through. I was angry, so so so angry and then she got sick, diagnosed terminal and I had to just swallow all that anger and show up for her, and I did….because she was dying.

24 years on I’m still angry! I still don’t understand how she could have done all she did. I could never in a million years even contemplate the same for my own DC, and that just makes me angrier still!

But there are times even after all this time, and despite still being angry that I just want my mum. I’m not even sure if it’s her that I want, I think it’s more that I want to be mothered, cared for and protected in the way a mother is supposed to do. Someone who anchors you, who catches you when you fall, and who is the source of unending, unwavering unconditional love, this is what I crave, this is what I feel I miss out on, and I too am envious of anyone who has that.

Hugs to you OP 💐

Sending love and hugs to everyone here.

I lost my mother at the age of 9, i was in care at the time and had been taken from her at 5, i dont have many fond memories of her as she was an unstable alcoholic who neglected me, i still love her though because she is my mother and i understand she had her own issues. Im 20 now and have had a very rough life, it makes me so happy seeing loving mothers, but also triggers this deep pain and longing inside. Its 4am and i got a random rush of emotion crying, because all i want is a tight understanding motherly hug, the type that makes you feel safe and secure in the arms of the women who bought you into the world. And its something i can never have, its hurts so deep inside. I rarely feel grief anymore as its been 11 years, but i do get waves of loss and longing for the mother i never had. Im so sorry your going through this.

I had a very similar family. (Plus violence and psychological abuse)When my mum died, I grieved for the mum I never had. I looked at my own kids who are probably smothered with affection and as much one on one time as possible and wonder how anyone could be like that.

Oh @Jadie2828 that's so sad to read 😞 sending a huge virtual hug and hope you find peace in your life and a love that fills the void left by the loss of your mum ❤️

How are you feeling now @GreyCarpet?
I lost my mum 18 years ago and I still cry and miss her terribly but she was the loveliest mum and I feel so blessed to have had her as my mum for 35 years 🩷