HIV?

[Sheree2000]

Can someone educate me more on this without judgement…myself and my partner don’t have HIV but we’ve started having anal sex it’s a lot more enjoyable for my partner then me as I find it painful but I just wanted to know if you can get HIV from this, even if you and your partner don’t have it, sorry if it’s a stupid question I have anxiety and I’m over thinking about it a lot and want to be safe. Thank you.

You're in an abusive relationship now. It might not be as obvious as your last one, but you are.

Controlling what you wear, coercing you into sex you don't want, you 'feeling bad' for saying no - it's all abuse and control.

as he struggles to ejaculate from vaginal sex

This bit ^ read it again. What you're saying is you're putting yourself through physical pain just so he can ejaculate. Why put his pleasure before your own and cause yourself pain to do it? Why?

I never really thought of it like that and wasn’t expecting to get any answers like this as my question was regarding HIV but you’ve made me open my eyes I can see exactly where you’re coming from thank you for this!

That’s attempted rape.

You are worth so much more than this relationship.

Thank you I never realised how much of an issue it was glad I posted this

This really really is an abusive relationship. Have you actually been with him and seen him get a test because I'm sorry but I would seriously doubt that he's telling the truth here and you absolutely are putting your health at risk. I know it's a maybe an old fashioned view and I'm certainly no prude but anal sex is not safe sex and does carry lots of health risks, not just HIV.

This is a horribly abusive relationship OP.
Your partner should want you to enjoy sex. Is meant to be fun for both of you. If it hurts then it's doing physical damage to you, as well as being emotionally horrible.
You don't need to put up with this.

How do you know he doesn’t have hiv or any other stds? Have you seen his test results? Can you guarantee he’s exclusive with you?

you can’t go contract hiv or any other sti is neither of you are infected, vaginally or anally

but agree with others, you I should not agree to something that’s painful and you don’t enjoy, and any loving boyfriend would not want to subject you to it for their own pleasure!

So true. Thank goodness the people on here don’t work in a GUM clinic, no one would ever attend twice. The judgyness and triumphant “ I know a lot better than you” can be really in your face on mumsnet.

OP you say your partner is Muslim. Is he very scared of you getting pregnant? I grew up in a Muslim country and I believe anal is something that’s used between non married heterosexual couples to avoid pregnancy, due to the huge stigma of unmarried motherhood.

People who have been in previously abusive relationships are much more likely to end up in another one because their boundaries and understanding of acceptable has been errored. They are also less likely to recognise it as an abusive relationship.

OP - so relieved to see that you have recognised that you’re in another abusive relationship. Please move on from this guy. I suggest looking into the Freedom Programme and perhaps seeking out some therapy to understand why your expectations of relationships are so low and how to avoid getting into another abusive relationship.

And just in passing: a man who can’t come in your vagina and needs the excessive tightness of your anus really is no use to you at all.

Well you won't get hiv from anal sex but here's a list of the things you will get:

Anal prolapse

Anal fissures

And the best one to look forward to?

Anal incontinence.

He shouldn't be pressuring you to have anal sex when you don't enjoy it (I don't either).
That is sexual coercion.
Coercion is actually a crime.

He shouldn't be trying to accidentally on purpose trying to start anal sex when you don't want it and haven't agree to it, that's a type of rape.

Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and feel good for both people.

You could get some reliable contraception to prevent pregnancy from vaginal sex .... If you keep having sex with him, which I honestly don't think you should.

He had no right to control what you wear and walking away from you because you wore something he didn't like is controlling, rude, disrespectful, bad mannered and nasty

That is also a type of coercion .... Treating you badly so you'll obey him.

It's no excuse that he's a Muslim.

Muslims aren't supposed to have sex outside marriage but he does that no problem, right.

Personally I also don't think relationships and marriages with between Muslims and non Muslims in most cases

This guy sounds like a sexually coercive, selfish, controlling, nasty user and i wish with all my heart you get away from him.

In your main question, you can't get hjv from anal sex unless he has or gets hiv.

If he ever had sex with anyone else/is not 100 per cent faithful and then had sex with you, he would be a risk to infect you with hiv.

Because you're not using condoms and because anal sex is riskier for std infection than vaginal sex (becsuse it is not designed for penetrative sex and tears, abrasions, danage etc is more likely).

Anal sex can cause longterm problems for women in terms of faecal (poo) incontinence with problems with going to the toilet and keeping poo in.

Thank you for your concern I really appreciate it in all honesty I’ve been in a mentally/physically abusive relationship before so I can say that this isn’t the case with my partner

You're in another abusive relationship.

Because of the coerced anal sex and him trying to do it anyway even though you've not agreed to.

Also becaysd of his behaviour about what you wore.

He also seems to use being Muslim as an excuse to be controlling etc.

If he's a Muslim he shouldn't even be having sex with a woman he's not married to.

Just because it's not extreme ... Because he's not showing at you all the time, or hitting you .... Does not mean he's not abusive.

There are different levels and types of abuse.

Youe ex being level 8 or 9 out of 10 doesn't mean level 4 or 5 is ok

*shouting at you all the time

Nobody who's a decent person would be ok with doing something painful to another person.

I'm sure he's aware you're in pain and uncomfortable sometimes.

That is so selfish and so horrible

Nobody who's a decent person - who knows someone doesn't want to do something intimate thats hurting them, tries to keep.starting it when they've not agreed in a sneaky pushy way. It's a type of rale.

He's not a decent person

*type of rape

He should be using condoms either way. Don't stay with someone who doesn't care about causing you pain.

That’s a dangerous statement to make. Of course you could get HIV from anal sex, if your partner has HIV. Arguably more likely than through vaginal intercourse with an HIV infected apartment, as more likely to cause tears (in the anal area).

HIV infected partner!

Yes he’s scared of me getting pregnant as he’s Muslim you’re supposed to get married first also he’s not financially ready for a baby

Why are you continuing with this relationship OP? I cannot imagine having sex I don't enjoy to please someone else. Hell no

@Sheree2000 - honestly, this isn’t the man for you. He’s making you have sex you don’t want. The reasons are irrelevant. This is a bad relationship for you to be in. Leave him and perhaps take a break from dating while you strengthen your boundaries around what you will accept in relationships.

If you're saying no and he's carrying on then he's anally raping you OP. This is not a nice man and you need to get rid...and report him