Is this a red flag? OLD

[PatsyClinethree]

Hi MN wisdom needed as I have in the past failed to spot red flags with potential partners.

I've been chatting to this guy online, seems a pretty good match lots in common conversation flowing. He then says he's "a handful in the bedroom", fair enough, I'm not totally against sexual talk. He then goes on to say "I think you might be the one to tame me". Opinions please

Nope it's all over the top bollox testing your boundaries
Possibly dangerous

Cringe and cringe again.

Thanks for your opinion. This OLD is dire! How would you say dangerous?

I know!!!

Yuck

Have you said you're looking for a relationship or casual sex?

A relationship. In his profile he also said relationship. Augh I think I'm gonna give up on this one.

He sounds about 19.

It's run of the mill OLD bollocks sleazy chat from the kind of Men that apparently think that constitutes 'flirting'. Tale as old as time.

I'd be tempted to tell him that neither of you will ever find out unless he tones it down (assuming you are looking for more than a shag).

Sounds like he is into dominatrix stuff 🙄

Bleurgh. Good grief, my nails have gone so far into my palms they’re nearly out the other side. How this wasn’t the biggest turn off in history I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s a red flag but it’s a definite one to avoid!

Haha cringe

Not particularly a red flag, but would definitely give me the ick.

What did you say back?

I said sorry I'm not looking for casual sex and blocked. I'm coming off that app in fact any dating app 😳

Could get boring fast if he continues along those lines 😴😴😴

Well, good sex is collaborative, cooperative and communicative, especially with a new partner. I want enthusiastic consent on both sides, not someone hinting he's crossed lines with his previous partners and received negative comments about it, but I might be able to keep him in check.

As the average fit healthy man can easily physically overpower a woman of the same basic proportions due to considerably greater upper and lower body strength, bone density, etc., the idea I'd have to "tame" him is questionable. Even if it's just edgy lads' banter or whatever, and he sees himself as a cheeky toddler or a frisky untrained puppy, if I wanted a gig as a nanny or petsitter, I'd be looking on a different site.

ha ha, well said!

Boke.

My instincts would be that he may be violent in the bedroom and he is forwarding you so that he can turn round and go 'oh but I told you I was a handful'.

*forewarning

So gross.

@wackamole thank you for your advice, your spot on.

Yuck! Cringy as fuck 🤢🤮 Any talk about sex before even the first date is a red flag for me personally. This one is cringy on top of that...

Ugh. He sounds pathetic.

Doesn't it depend how big your hands are?

There is no conclusive list of red flags. A red flag is a feeling you get, not a behaviour he displays. This is really important.

So, there are behaviours that are universally unacceptable, which will be listed if you search for 'dating red flags'. Things like any kind of abuse, keeping tabs on you, disrespecting boundaries etc. But that's not conclusive.

The question you're asking is a bit like 'Is this a turn on?': it's not up to anybody but you to say if something turns you on or not. And nobody can tell you what gives you the 'red flag' feeling either.

The feeling that made you ask 'Is this a red flag?' is the red flag feeling. When you meet a compatible partner, the words 'red flag' won't cross your mind. So as soon as you wonder if a bloke has exhibited a red flag behaviour, get rid of him.

The only time you question this is if you find a pattern where you've dated 20 men, and all of them appear to be exhibiting the same red flag behaviour. You get rid of them, all the same, and you make sure it's not an issue that you have that you want to sort out. For example, if you find that they all make remarks that make you distrust them, you might want to check out if you have trouble trusting, in general. But even then, you'd want to find someone who didn't give you that feeling, so it's the same result anyway: bin anyone who gives you the red flag feeling.