Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Dating a man with 4 children

54 replies

Skittles2000 · 02/11/2022 09:23

Hey, just looking for experiences/advice etc

I’m a single mum of 2, been on my own for about 2 years now and I’m getting lonely.

I met a man online and we’ve been talking for a while. He was quite upfront about having 4 children who he has 50:50. Their ages range from 9-16.

He seems so lovely and isn’t phased by me having my DC 100% of the time with barely any contact from their dad.

Am I a fool to carry on exploring this?

OP posts:

Mirrorcell · 03/11/2022 11:29

I think stop the online chats and meet in person.
There may be no chemistry, he may smell bad, he may have annoying habits, he may shout at waiters, be constantly late and drive like a maniac. He may be happily married and wanting a fling - not unheard of. So you may be wasting your time texting and imaging someone he is not.

Original poster

Skittles2000 · 03/11/2022 12:14

BigFatLiar · 03/11/2022 10:45

Come on everyone, she hasn't met him just started getting to know him. I don't think she's ready to get the big dress out or book the church. Don't make up your own storyline for her future.

Thank you! 😂

I think my ‘getting in deeper’ line has made people think I’ve lost my marbles. I’m very level headed and for me, the getting in deeper part refers to meeting him. Meeting someone is ‘deep’ for me! I don’t want to waste my time on something with great big warning signs.

we really want to meet and we are trying to sort something but it’s difficult with our jobs/kids. Something else which probably screams that this isn’t going to work 😕

we’ve face time quite a bit so I have a feel for ‘talking’ to him but nothing beats having that person in front of you.

OP posts:

andmostofallyouletyourselfdown · 03/11/2022 12:54

'Baggage'? What am I reading? It's just life.

He seems so lovely and isn’t phased by me having my DC 100% of the time

Well it would be a red flag if he was unlovely and fazed by you having your own children around a certain amount of the time, but it does seem that too much of this (unlovely fazed men) is put up with. What's the opposite of a red flag? A jaunty marigold?

I'd keep seeing him and see how it pans out. Obviously be alert to lovebombing, more subtle red flags, and how the divorce really came about. But other than that, crack on. (Haven't RTFT.)

YRGAM · 03/11/2022 14:32

Babdoc · 02/11/2022 16:20

I think the number of children IS significant. A mother with four dependent kids is highly unlikely to leave her DH unless he is really appalling, because struggling alone with four is a very hard life, physically, financially and emotionally. And a man who abandons his wife with four kids is a shit until proven otherwise!

How's he abandoned them if he has 50 50 custody? You seem to hate the man without knowing him, stop projecting

Flip

1 2 3