Page 2 | Dating a man with 4 children

Skittles2000 · 2022-11-02T09:23:44+00:00

Hey, just looking for experiences/advice etc I’m a single mum of 2, been on my own for about 2 years now and I’m getting lonely. I met a man online and we’ve been talking for a while. He was quite upfront about having 4 children who he has 50:50. Their ages range from 9-16. He seems so lovely and isn’t phased by me having my DC 100% of the time with barely any contact from their dad. Am I a fool to carry on exploring this?

BigFatLiar · 02/11/2022 19:34

Am I a fool to carry on exploring this?

Of course not. If you want some companionship you need to make the effort. Take it slow and don't make it out to be more than it is. It takes two and for all you know once you meet he may not like you. You won't k ow until you try.

LBFseBrom · 02/11/2022 19:38

I think it is OK as long as he isn't hoping to set up home with you. Going out and sharing good times with him, not involving either set of children, sounds great.

Lili132 · 02/11/2022 21:43

Babdoc · 02/11/2022 16:20

I think the number of children IS significant. A mother with four dependent kids is highly unlikely to leave her DH unless he is really appalling, because struggling alone with four is a very hard life, physically, financially and emotionally. And a man who abandons his wife with four kids is a shit until proven otherwise!

But he didn't abandon her alone with 4 kids! He is involved father and has them 50/50. Women on this forum are encouraged to leave unhappy marriages all the time and it's often suggested it's not healthy for children to have a bad relationship model. Yet again it's different standard for men.

FeelMyBicep · 02/11/2022 23:06

Friend has just recently left her husband for another man. They have 4 beautiful children & her soon to be ex husband is a lovely chap, genuinely. He has the children full time.

Appreciate everybody's situations are different & it's not for everybody, but it would be a sad day if somebody didn't give friends ex a chance based on him having 4 children, because he has so much going for him. It might be the best thing you ever do!

Talon01 · 03/11/2022 05:14

Hi OP

Thought I'd comment as this is my lived experienced. I.e. divorced man with 4 kids. I see them every other weekend.

The fact he has them 50 50 is a good indicator.

From my experience it's whether you can get comfortable with the idea (ignore the nay sayers life is far more complicated than some posters on here are prepared to accept and shock horror it is sometimes the mother than is the difficult/unreasonable one). If he has them 50 50 he's unlikely to be looking for childcare etc as he's clearly doing this already.

Hope it works for you if you do meet him!

Rinatinabina · 03/11/2022 07:03

Tbh if he’s got his kids 50:50 and is a good dad and isn’t asking you to do anything and doesn’t want a blended family and is fine with your kids being there all the time then I don’t really see the problem apart from personality.

If I’m being completely honest I think your situation is more difficult as you have your kids all the time. He has time 50% of the time, you are the one that will be more curtailed here.

ABJ100 · 03/11/2022 07:04

I think you would be crazy to take that on.

Original poster

Skittles2000 · 03/11/2022 08:49

Thank you for all your insights, I have been reading them 😊

I don’t think he wants me for childcare considering he’s doing it all himself already and the same could be said for me - some men would think I’m after someone to pay for my kids for me 🤷🏻‍♀️

To answer a few questions - he has never said anything disrespectful about his ex wife, they seem to be on good terms from what he has said. Just things like “just dropping the kids back to their mum”, “I’ve done X with the kids this week, their mum is doing Y” when discussing Halloween etc.

and when I say I can feel myself getting in a bit deeper I don’t mean I love the man and want to run away with him. I mean deep for me, just things like looking forward to talking to him etc which says a lot considering the creeps I’ve had to sift through while doing OLD 😂

OP posts:

HaggisBurger · 03/11/2022 08:52

Babdoc · 02/11/2022 16:20

I think the number of children IS significant. A mother with four dependent kids is highly unlikely to leave her DH unless he is really appalling, because struggling alone with four is a very hard life, physically, financially and emotionally. And a man who abandons his wife with four kids is a shit until proven otherwise!

Really disagree with this. I left a marriage with a similar number of kids and not for abuse or anything like that. Having 4 kids doesn’t automatically sign you up for a life of deep unhappiness. Very odd view.

SandyY2K · 03/11/2022 08:55

Some real double standards here. This suggesting she get the full details of his divorce.... he could equally ask the same about her. How has come to be a single mum of 2.

You both have kids, if you personally (not your friends) find 4 kids too much, then make that clear in your dating profile... 2 kids or less only.🤔

HaggisBurger · 03/11/2022 08:58

But OP have you not met him???

TheDuchessOfMN · 03/11/2022 09:00

Harsh but I wouldn’t want to be a relationship with him.

If it were to continue and you wanted a future together, you’d be blending 6 children together. You’d be going from a quiet family life with 2 children to a family of 8. 6 kids, a step mum of 4.

HaggisBurger · 03/11/2022 09:01

Why have you not met up? Drives me nuts the number of women on here who have these long drawn out correspondences online dating and talk about “getting in deeper” with someone they’ve not laid eyes on.

all of these conversations are for - in person, when you’ve actually met the bloke. This kind of nonsense just creates a certain idea of someone that could me miles from reality.

LolaSmiles · 03/11/2022 09:09

It all feels a bit too serious too quickly considering you're just at the talking stage.

It's good he's an involved father and people can leave relationships for any reason. He could be a terrible partner, or him and his wife could have decided to split because they know they are worth more than a relationship that's run its course. I wouldn't ready too much into things.

Successgirl2022 · 03/11/2022 09:15

The number of children wouldn't put me off as long as he is generally a good man and we are compatible and happy as a couple.

Before I had my son. I wasn't ready to date a man who already had a baby/children because I was too young for that responsibility and wanted my future husband to have a baby/children with me as his 1st experience.

When I am a parent myself and have matured with some life experience, I don't see a big deal about it.

emptythelitterbox · 03/11/2022 09:21

You've never met him so he's still a stranger regardless of how many times you've talked to him. You're getting attached to the illusion he has presented to you. Nothing more. nothing less. This is why it's not recommended spending weeks/months chatting to someone before you meet. A few chats, phone call, facetime and meet, which should all take less than a week.

Assume about 90% of what he tells you is a lie.

Women with 4 kids really do not just leave their husband unless something is terribly wrong.

He's probably lying about 50/50.

My guess is he is looking for someone to to be his free household and childcare help.

You can search on here for the countless number of women who have fallen for the single dad con who have been left to do all the childcare while he resumes his single life of cycling, golf, working 12 hour days, or working out of town for weeks at a time.

SpinningFloppa · 03/11/2022 09:40

emptythelitterbox · 03/11/2022 09:21

You've never met him so he's still a stranger regardless of how many times you've talked to him. You're getting attached to the illusion he has presented to you. Nothing more. nothing less. This is why it's not recommended spending weeks/months chatting to someone before you meet. A few chats, phone call, facetime and meet, which should all take less than a week.

Assume about 90% of what he tells you is a lie.

Women with 4 kids really do not just leave their husband unless something is terribly wrong.

He's probably lying about 50/50.

My guess is he is looking for someone to to be his free household and childcare help.

You can search on here for the countless number of women who have fallen for the single dad con who have been left to do all the childcare while he resumes his single life of cycling, golf, working 12 hour days, or working out of town for weeks at a time.

You could assume the same about the op since she’s a single
mum herself and her kids have no contact with their father maybe she’s looking for a replacement as well 🙄

AlternativelyWired · 03/11/2022 09:40

Have you even met him? This is all way too much if you haven't even met him yet.

SpinningFloppa · 03/11/2022 09:42

SandyY2K · 03/11/2022 08:55

Some real double standards here. This suggesting she get the full details of his divorce.... he could equally ask the same about her. How has come to be a single mum of 2.

You both have kids, if you personally (not your friends) find 4 kids too much, then make that clear in your dating profile... 2 kids or less only.🤔

Exactly these comments are shocking! A man with that has his kids 50/50 is looking for a woman to care for them but the op has her children all the time so does that mean shes also looking for a man to take care of them or is it ok if it’s a woman doing it?

Thereisnolight · 03/11/2022 09:43

Just don’t live together or blend your families while the DC are still young and live at home. It really is as simple as that.

emptythelitterbox · 03/11/2022 10:18

SpinningFloppa · 03/11/2022 09:42

Exactly these comments are shocking! A man with that has his kids 50/50 is looking for a woman to care for them but the op has her children all the time so does that mean shes also looking for a man to take care of them or is it ok if it’s a woman doing it?

Show quote history

Because it never is a man taking care of a woman's DC, doing all the housework, cleaning, cooking, school runs, childcare.
You know that.

SpinningFloppa · 03/11/2022 10:39

emptythelitterbox · 03/11/2022 10:18

Because it never is a man taking care of a woman's DC, doing all the housework, cleaning, cooking, school runs, childcare.
You know that.

Show quote history

false, Plenty of step dads do just that! If he moved in with the op he would have far more responsibility for her kids that she would his given she is with them all the time, he would also become financially responsible for them. Are you saying step dads don’t take on step kids? Absolute nonsense!

BigFatLiar · 03/11/2022 10:42

Come on

BigFatLiar · 03/11/2022 10:45

Come on everyone, she hasn't met him just started getting to know him. I don't think she's ready to get the big dress out or book the church. Don't make up your own storyline for her future.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/11/2022 11:10

Babdoc · 02/11/2022 16:20

I think the number of children IS significant. A mother with four dependent kids is highly unlikely to leave her DH unless he is really appalling, because struggling alone with four is a very hard life, physically, financially and emotionally. And a man who abandons his wife with four kids is a shit until proven otherwise!

They have shared custody.

So how about a man with four dependent kids is highly unlikely to leave his DW unless she is really appalling because struggling alone with four is a very hard life, physically, financially and emotionally. And a woman who abandons her husband with four kids is a shit until proven otherwise!

Does OP actually say HE left?