What does extreme jealousy feel like?

[Cherchezlaspice]

You read posts all the time about people managing uncontrollable jealousy or dealing with extremely jealous partners. Not being able to stop themselves from snooping and so on.

I’ve never felt anything like that and I can’t really imagine it. What’s that like? And do you think some people are just more naturally inclined towards jealousy? Or is it situational?

You’re the one that’s misunderstood. Not saying you feel jealousy. Read the comment again. Or don’t, I guess.

It made perfect sense. 😊

This is interesting. I think a lot of us conflate jealousy and envy (I certainly do), and there is a difference.

It's some peoples nature and based on insecurity. Sometimes your partner is cheating so it's the situation. Sometimes you've been cheated on and are jealous because of the experience

Thank you so much for sharing. This is rather like I imagined it feeling from the accounts I’ve read. It’s pretty clear that the people in question don’t want to feel this way.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, but it’s great that you’re able to access help and the flipside of extreme empathy sounds like a fantastic character trait. You’re clearly a fab friend.

It’s really interesting, isn’t it? Because it’s definitely survived over millennia in every culture of which I’m aware.

It’s also interesting that it’s more of a thing in some cultures than others.

Why would something as irrational as jealousy have survived

Why wouldn't it? Some things survive simply because they don't get filtered out, like unsupported intestines and goosebumps. Things don't survive only when they're useful; they survive if nothing gets in their way. Jealous people still mate, and raise offspring, which perpetuates the trait. Very few people get taught not to be jealous, so it continues.

Surely all emotions are illogical.
I suppose it serves some kind of evolutionary purpose for men to know who their children are and for women to keep their men while children are young.
The question is why some people are more jealous than others. Is it to do with upbringing? Sibling rivalry in childhood?

"Are you me?! The ‘no willpower’ and ‘I can’t help myself’ stance is another one that utterly baffles me. Like, what does that even MEAN?! If you want to stop doing something, you stop doing it!"

Oh dear. If only it were so easy!
I'm not a very jealous person, but I can't just stop eating chocolate!

Yes, it's quite lacking in understanding of most humans to say 'if yo want to stop, you stop'. Pretty much everybody has eaten stuff, drunk stuff, thought things, sung things, felt things, worried about things etc when they haven't wanted to.

"Envy stems from being hateful,
when you are envious you feel entitled
You see something that someone else has and you get angry because you believe they dont deserve it and it should be yours
And because Envy is hateful, people can rarely contain it and it spills out in the form of bullying, violence , stealing etc"

Wow. I totally disagree. When you're envious of someone it doesn't mean you think they don't deserve what they have. You just want it (too).

People’s brains are clearly wired differently, as I don’t ‘get’ that. You want to stop eating chocolate and can’t? How does it feel? And do you think it stems from something else or do you just really like chocolate?

Unless that was a flippant throwaway comment that I’m overanalysing. In which case, ignore me. 😁

@Cherchezlaspice

Have you literally never done anything in your life and said 'Damn, I said I wasn't going to do that!'

I mean, what about having a song stuck in your head? Has that ever happened to you? One drink too many at Christmas? Extra mince pie? A word spoken in anger? Watched an extra episode and made yourself late for something? Nothing? Everything you've ever done has always been as a result of a clear decision you've made, and has been exactly what you wanted to do?

"And do you think it stems from something else or do you just really like chocolate?"

I really like it. Maybe there's some psychological stuff as well about 'naughty but nice' and the thrill of something you've decided was a bit bad. I'm sure I could give it up for a time, but not permanently, unless maybe my life depended it.
After all, if it were so easy there'd be no overweight people or people with teeth damaged by sugar.

Another example would be telling myself I'll get up earlier to go for a jog. I like my sleep so I won't. I can't just decide to.
I have done things like dry January even though I like a glass of wine, but it's a month only and willpower only lasts so long.

But as I said, I'm not particularly jealous so it's not that these things go together.

This is the same question as you previously asked and I’ve answered it. You’re being oddly combative.

This has now got me thinking about where willpower comes into doing things versus not doing things. For example, I’d be fine with not eating chocolate/having an extra drink/insert nice thing I like and it wouldn’t require that I exercise much willpower.

Making myself actually do something would though. Go for a run, do some strength training, paint the house. I’d do it, but the willpower muscle would definitely need some flexing.

Not sure if I’m making sense, but I wonder if there’s different triggers/motivations/brain stuff around doing versus not doing stuff.

I detected no unpleasantness

Oh, sorry, I'd missed your response. Not combative. You're being oddly judgmental of my tone! Just asking questions, you know, trying to understand your position. Almost as if it's a forum, when you think about it

I don't think anybody's being unpleasant, but some people are finding it hard to believe that others never give in to any temptations.

I detected quite a lot.

Speaking objectively, I have to say it’s you that’s combative and defensive when posters appear to be genuinely interested in your stance. I see no ill will towards you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Detection is in the eye of the beholder.

Indeed. We are giving our opinions (almost as if it’s a forum)!

Your unpleasantness radar is off 🤷🏻‍♀️

Right.