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Original poster

Would you invite yourself to stay at someone’s house on the night of their wedding?!

51 replies

EL8888 · 01/11/2022 22:42

We are getting married shortly. A family member who is attending the wedding has invited themselves to stay at our house on the night of the wedding. Problem is we will be there! Plus obviously it’s our wedding night. We are going on honeymoon but not straightaway. They know all of this!

OP posts:
BMW6 · 03/11/2022 09:43

0h I'd HAVE to text back "WTF do you think you are doing inviting yourself to crash our WEDDING NIGHT"?

Opaljewel · 03/11/2022 10:05

Just say no it's your honeymoon night. That's all x

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 03/11/2022 10:10

Muckymaisonette · 03/11/2022 09:37

No, no, no and NO!!

I’ve never forgotten how DH caved and let people stay!

This would be infuriating!

FictionalCharacter · 03/11/2022 10:22

EL8888 · 01/11/2022 22:54

@AssignedSlytherinAtBirth they asked by a text which is odd in itself. Text was sent back saying no. Didn’t justify the no very much as it’s obvious it’s our wedding night -for clarity it is literally our house and we aren’t living with family. We massively mind so it’s a clear no. I’m impressed at their brass neck though. Especially as they have other plans which they appear to have done a 180 on at the last minute

Well done for the firm no. I thought from the title that this was going to be one of those threads where a family member announces they’re staying and “DP doesn’t want to upset anyone”, and the OP is fretting about what to do. Cue lots of ideas for excuses because you can’t be direct. “Sorry Aunt Wilma, we’re decorating the spare room and it won’t be finished until February 2024”.
No was the right answer!

Weeboo · 03/11/2022 10:25

Yes it's very rude of them.

I'd put £10 on it being MIL.

Crimeismymiddlename · 03/11/2022 10:30

People do invite themselves without any indication from the people they want to stay with that it is welcome. Years ago I lived in a commuter town near London and a university acquaintance messaged me on fb because we were not friendly enough to have each other’s numbers to tell me that he was seeing friends in London and needed to stay with me as they apparently had no room, obviously I was not invited to said event and I said no, sadly not because it was a cf request and I was annoyed, but because my housemate had invited her entire family to stay and we had no room. He sent several passive aggressive messages and I never heard from him again.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/11/2022 10:33

Respond with “ We’re afraid that staying with us won’t be possible. We can suggest x hotel which has a great reputation. “

HotWashCycle · 03/11/2022 10:52

I would write back - email or some method that you can be sure they will get - and say: "No. It will be our Wedding Night". That's all. Just make sure they get the No part loud and clear.

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 03/11/2022 10:56

No! My parents stayed at ours the night of our wedding but that is because they came from NZ and we were not going on honeymoon for another couple of weeks.

My mother's parents (when my Dps married at the age of 21) booked the adjoining hotel room of the honeymoon suite. Which was odd. And damaged relations.

So depends on context! But the default would usualyl be 'no'.

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/11/2022 10:58

I can beat that. My friend’s in-laws booked themselves into the same hotel as my friend and her DH and asked for (and got) the room next door… She said they felt a bit, ahem, constrained, as she could hear DFIL coughing!

purplecorkheart · 03/11/2022 11:30

I have an aunt who is like this however I put money on this being your future bil

oldstudentmum · 03/11/2022 12:16

I had the same lol I had put list cheap hotels nearby (15yrs ago fyi) future bil said they can’t afford it they also lived 40 minutes away and we’re going to stay at my home with their kids on our wedding night. I had already organised overnight sitters for our kids. My future husband thought it would be fine! Needless to say they travelled home the same night. The cheeky fuckery was just the beginning. He is an ex bil now!

Original poster
EL8888 · 03/11/2022 14:13

Aprilx · 03/11/2022 06:28

I think the majority of posters will agree that it is thoughtless and rude. But the point is that you are chopping and changing your story over whether they just asked or invited themselves. Now I don’t think they should have asked either, but your first story sounds like they did and you said no, quite understandably. Let that be the end of it.

Show quote history

They went about it in a weird way. They asked if it was ok to change their plans -lm not the wedding police so fill your boots. Then in an indirect way announced they were staying and leaving before lunch.I admit l had a knee jerk reaction as it was such a cheeky fucker move. Again part of me is wondering if it was accidental (l want to do it and lm sure they will be fine with it) or design (the way l have got about it will make it harder to say no).

It may well not be the last of it as this person tends to hold a grudge if they feel even a little slighted. If it’s mentioned again then l will give it to them with both barrels, as l was polite when l answered the text. Rather than are you joking, you do know it’s our wedding night?!?!

OP posts:
stuntbubbles · 03/11/2022 14:18

If they ask again ask them if they prefer to be the big spoon or the little spoon. (No idea why you’re getting a hard time on this thread when it’s a simple thread, “would you invite yourself?”)

Original poster
EL8888 · 03/11/2022 14:19

FictionalCharacter · 03/11/2022 10:22

Well done for the firm no. I thought from the title that this was going to be one of those threads where a family member announces they’re staying and “DP doesn’t want to upset anyone”, and the OP is fretting about what to do. Cue lots of ideas for excuses because you can’t be direct. “Sorry Aunt Wilma, we’re decorating the spare room and it won’t be finished until February 2024”.
No was the right answer!

Show quote history

I hate threads with that vibe! My fiancé is super laidback but even he was like WTF?! With CF’s then justifying or explaining should be provided in my book. Plus if you do, then they try super hard to overcome each one. E.g. “we will tired after a long day” may well be met with “lm sure you won’t be, we could have a few drinks and it will be fun”
Or “we want it to be just the 2 of us”. Is met with you have the rest of your lives to be together!

OP posts:
Original poster
EL8888 · 03/11/2022 14:20

@stuntbubbles maybe the person in question has rocked up to defend themselves!

OP posts:
11GrumpsaGrumping · 03/11/2022 15:48

Ha ha this happened to me- AT our wedding!

It was a fairly casual wedding to be fair, but a friend of mine came to the wedding, got wildly drunk (not a problem), but missed the last train and asked to Kip on the sofa in our hotel room. I just laughed and said I wasn't into observers!

Ironically he could have stayed. STBEXH got so drunk on the night he mistook my should for my breast....

:-/

ItsaMetalBand · 03/11/2022 16:23

What is it with weddings and cheeky fuckers?

FictionalCharacter · 04/11/2022 20:33

ItsaMetalBand · 03/11/2022 16:23

What is it with weddings and cheeky fuckers?

I’m sure some people see them as public or family events, instead of a couple’s private event that they can invite people or not as they want to.
I got married fairly late in life, both of us were quite assertive and what we said was happening was what was happening!

MichelleScarn · 04/11/2022 20:41

Definitely @FictionalCharacter how many times have I read on my "your wedding is NOT ABOUT YOU!!! It's about making sure your guests have a good day"! 😑😑

dudsville · 04/11/2022 20:49

This thread made me laugh, and I'm another glad to read about a poster just saying "here, look at this bonkers thing!" as opposed to hand wringing. I hope you have a fabulous wedding!

And also, i had a weird wedding. Late 20s, friends coming from all over. We had a 2 bed 1 bathroom house and there was just a massive sleep over. We were young though, we weren't going on honeymoon, and we wanted to party with our friends for a few days.

Original poster
EL8888 · 07/11/2022 12:10

ItsaMetalBand · 03/11/2022 16:23

What is it with weddings and cheeky fuckers?

There is a strong relationship between the 2! They seem to send some people bonkers. I have heard too many mad and entitled stories about guests at weddings

OP posts:
minimadgirl · 07/11/2022 15:36

My ex's family decided they were staying the night before the wedding and night after. Ex didn't dare say no (elderly aunt
thi, cousin, cousin's daughter and sil)
I spent the morning of the wedding running around feeding them, they hogged the bathroom so I couldn't even get in the shower and there was no time to put make up on.
Got to the wedding reception and noticed cousin's daughter and sil were missing, they had decided to go home to pick up a rescue cat, leaving aunt and cousin behind. We ended up having to take them home the next day, 200 miles away.

user1492757084 · 20/02/2023 08:27

How annoying. Terrible that you have to sort it out.

Do you have a nearby hotel or a friend or neighbour who would have them?
You could reiterate via text the No, we are having some privacy on our wedding night; you can't stay. However you could stay at xx Hotel or xx round the corner.

honeylulu · 20/02/2023 11:04

My cousin's MIL did this - invited relatives to stay at the bride and groom's house to save them money on a hotel. She assumed B&G would be staying at the venue (they weren't) but even still! MIL was really put out when bride firmly uninvited them saying it had embarrassed her.