Was this unacceptable?

[Clareroses]

I’ll start by saying I’m not very experienced in relationships, left a long relationships earlier this year and have just started looking to date.

I had a date yesterday, we arranged to meet in town for a coffee.
Met up, started walking to coffee shop, we went through a quiet bit of street and dateman grabbed and felt my bum, I pulled away.
We walked for a few more minutes, just talking normally, walking alongside each other before reaching an alleyway, I can’t remember how it all happened but he then reached his hands down my trousers and started feeling my bum, I tried to pull back, couldn’t, then eventually managed to physically moved his hands, we kissed and I started walking towards then end of the alley then he held me in a way that was a struggle to move and felt me up some more.

My head says none of that was acceptable, and it must have been clear I didn’t want it, yet he carried on, I didn’t say no, but I did pull away and keep moving his hands.
or did I confuse things as it was a date and when he went to kiss me I didn’t move.

Does anyone really think that’s ok on a first date?

This is disgraceful behaviour. Most men would get to know you, hold your hand and flirt a bit, maybe try for a little kiss if they feel they have got a vibe - they don’t stick their hand down someone’s pants first off and then continue to push the boundaries after the woman has clearly tried to politely back away.

So sorry you had this experience OP. I had someone grope me (not even a date, just some ar5e who thought he had a right to all women) and it really had me questioning everything. It’s horrible to be put in any situation like that.
You really should report him, if you met online at least report him there if you don’t feel you can go to the police.

Probably best to meet any other dates in the coffee shop/bar/etc so you can get an idea of their intentions in a safe space x

Textbook sexual assault. How are you even questioning it, OP?

NOBODY NEEDS TO BE A MINDREADER TO UNDERSTAND CONSENT,
Nobody needs to be a mindreader to understand that forcing sexual contact on another human is assault.

WTF is wrong with you?

Definitely not acceptable, I would class this as a sexual assault. I hope you’re ok OP, and have a friend/relative who you trust and can talk to.

No ! That’s grim
rapey bastard

really not ok

That is sexual assault. Period.

He had no right to touch you in that way. No right whatsoever!! He is a creep and I’m just glad you managed to get away from him before anything even worse happening!

I’ve just spoken to my DP and told him about your post and he was absolutely disgusted by what he heard and said in no way, shape or form is it acceptable to do that on any date, let alone a first date, especially without any consent. He completely agrees that it’s 100% sexual assault and you should definitely report the guy.

The men are here!

No, this is fairly typical behaviour by sexual predators. He will probably go on to tell you how amazing you are.
He justifies his own behaviour and tries to convince you that it was normal because he liked you. Also if the police look at texts they will think he was being nice.
If you do reply make it quite clear that his touching was not consensual and consider reporting the sexual assault.

So why would he assume it was ok to put his hands inside her clothes? Do you think that's what he does to everyone on a daily basis, thinking it's perfectly acceptable? If not, he must have assumed that 'yes' was in her mind, mustn't he? And therefore must assume himself to actually be a mind reader?

No his behaviour wasn’t acceptable, he assaulted you and now wants to meet up again. He sounds like someone who’s done this before and I’m glad you’re reporting him.

Absolutely LTB and block.

he was very wrong. The trouble is, you didn’t say “no” so as far as numb-nuts is concerned he did no wrong.
next time, bat his hand away, tell him it makes you uncomfortable and it’s not acceptable. Sorry, but there will be ‘next times’ of men thinking they can push their luck, cop a feel or whatever.

By "kissing him again afterwards" you're not being accurate. The OP actually said when he went to kiss me I didn’t move - that doesn't smack of consent, does it?

Not ok, sexual assault.

And then kissing him again afterwards yeah....silly brain..

He was doing it all long before he manoeuvered OP into a kiss.

I hope you left before the rest of the date @Clareroses

Why did he think she wanted to be groped? If he's not a mind reader he certainly can't claim that he thought she wanted it.

Your stance on this is very worrying.

You did nothing wrong. He did everything wrong. Same age as you and have been in similar situations, where their actions have made me second guess my feelings i.e. "this is wrong!" There is light at the end of the tunnel. I met my partner online, we've been together almost 10 years and he didn't try to kiss me for 3 dates. Please avoid this man, he does not respect you.