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Original poster

Hidden photograph

34 replies

Gertrude86 · 31/10/2022 16:25

Backstory-
I have been with my partner for 3 and half years. He has a child with his ex partner who is getting married to her new partner next year.

I was looking through the office drawers for a policy for our house when at the bottom of the pile I found some photographs. These were special pictures like when he was a child and with his best mates. Then there was one larger one with his ex partner and all her family.

He has always said that since their split he doesn't get on with her family as he was the one to end the relationship.

He has never mentioned having this photo and it's a strange one to have and hide!

So..... I've on three occasions edged it to the end of the cupboard so their faces are clearly visible if you were to look in the drawers. I known shouldn't but just thought it would prompt him to either say something or get rid.

I'm just not sure what to make of it all.

OP posts:
Wowzel · 31/10/2022 16:29

I'd just ignore it tbh

Kinneddar · 31/10/2022 16:37

You're making something out of nothing here.

He doesn't get on with them now but he presumably did before the split & provably despite how things turned out has happy memories of them. It's just part of his past

I wouldn't say he's hiding it either
Its just in a drawer with other old photos

Stop playing childish games with it.
If you've now moved it 3 tines he's clearly not going to mention it. Either ask him about it or do the grown up thing & forget about it

bewarethetides · 31/10/2022 16:45

Why would he mention having a photograph with his child and members of his child's family?

Stop being ridiculous and moving the photo around in a drawer trying to 'prompt' him into a reaction. You're being ridiculous.

KettrickenSmiled · 31/10/2022 16:51

So..... I've on three occasions edged it to the end of the cupboard so their faces are clearly visible if you were to look in the drawers. I known shouldn't but just thought it would prompt him to either say something or get rid.

Why should he not have this photo?
Who says he was "hiding" it?
Why are you playing passive-aggressive games trying to make him notice it, instead of being an adult & just asking him?

Above all ... why are you micromanaging what photos he 'ought' to be allowed to keep, & what difference does it make to you?

Would you prefer that he torched all mementos & references to his previous partner & his child's family, while screaming in a cathartic rage & covering himself in sackcloth & ashes?

You sound a bit controlling, frankly.
Stop sweating the small stuff. Unless you want to push him away with batshittery.

RedHelenB · 31/10/2022 16:53

I'd love it if he framed it and put it up in your front room. Yabu and really controlling to think being with you means he should erase all memories of his past.

AgentJohnson · 31/10/2022 16:53

Why would you consider it hidden? Why does he need to discuss, justify or explain anything about the photo with you? Why would he need to get rid of it?

I can imagine why his his Ex’s family is frosty with him but that doesn’t mean he thinks badly of them.

Theres a manipulative controlling side to you that you need to deal with because unless there is a massive backstory, you are behaving badly.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 31/10/2022 16:55

God get over your self. It's a photo who cares

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 31/10/2022 16:55

What the actual fuck?

He has photos of people who he used to be close with, what on earth is the matter with that? It's a completely normal thing, and you've got no right to be pushing him to talk about it or get rid of it

stealthninjamum · 31/10/2022 16:58

I can’t really see the problem, I’ve probably got photos of my ex and his family at the bottom of a drawer somewhere. I’m not going to destroy them, they were happy times even if I don’t really get on with the family now.

TheWolves · 31/10/2022 17:01

You cannot be serious

PeeAche2 · 31/10/2022 17:05

My husband has the following stashed in his sock drawer (amongst other important items that aren’t so juicy):

  1. A wedding photo from his first wedding
  2. His ex wife’s wedding and engagement rings which she left behind because she hadn’t worn them for a year before the divorce
  3. A set of “picture booth” pictures of he and his ex wife from when they were teenagers at uni.

Many years ago, when we first moved in together, I asked him why. He said they’re for the kids. So that they know that they were born of love, wanted, part of their family and that their mother and he were genuinely happy once. His daughter will get the rings. The photos are purely sentimental.

I respect it and find it normal. Those memories are for his kids, they’re as much a part of their “story” as they are his. It’s none of my business and it’s nothing sinister.

It’s probably just that, OP. Stop snooping and put it out of your mind.

OldFan · 31/10/2022 17:06

I was helping clear out the flat I briefly shared with an ex that we moved into 19 years ago. I found a pic of me out at a meal with a previous ex. I also found a very loved-up pic of him with his ex wife in a golden frame, which was a shock. None of this means anything, neither of us knew we had these pics. He binned the pic of him with wifey and I kept my old pic as I don't have many of when I was in my 20s and I looked ok in it.

Byfleet · 31/10/2022 17:09

This is a total non issue.

It's normal to have a photo of your ex in a drawer with other old photos, especially if she is the mother of your child (and the grandparents too). I actually think it shows he is a good man because it means he had a good relationship with his ex in-laws, and not only that, he has kept the photo but doesn't put it on display (which would be genuinely hurtful to you).

DatingDinosaur · 31/10/2022 17:09

Well if it was framed and took pride of place on his bedside table then I could understand your concern, but really? In a drawer along with other photographs of his past?

If you really want to say something why not say you were looking for the policy and came across these and wouldn't they be better in an album and labelled up with who, where and year rather than stuck in a drawer.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2022 17:15

Why he has the photo is none of your business. Keep your nose out.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 31/10/2022 17:57

Go on, erase his past life completely, shred his fotos, make sure he has no privacy whatsoever.

Or - grow up.

StrictlyJowita · 31/10/2022 18:08

This is more “man has photo in a drawer” than he has hidden a photo.

totallyoutnumbered · 31/10/2022 20:39

I just couldn't get my knickers in any sort of a twist over this. So much wasted energy. Everyone has a past and it's hardly "hidden" it's in a draw with other old stuff 🤷🏼‍♀️

houseonthehill · 31/10/2022 20:46

I have - for some reason I can't remember- a copy of my ex-ex-ex's graduation photo in a drawer I open every so often. I always think 'oh, I should chuck that out' but I'm usually looking for something and busy, so I leave it.

It means absolutely nothing.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 31/10/2022 20:54

It's just a memory, that's all. I have photos from my previous marriage hidden away. I don't ever look at them and have never shown my now-DH but I wouldn't want to throw them away - they are a memento of that time.

ViolinPin · 31/10/2022 21:12

I would get him down to Total Recall and get all his memories wiped forever 😂

Life did not exist until you appeared op, did it ?

MrsJephson · 01/11/2022 03:41

I have pictures of my first marriage, they are memories of my life at the time. I want to remember my past. There is no fondness for my ex what so ever. Not a drop, once I would have even said I hate him. Our daughter will I'm sure want to see us when we were young too. My husband has pictures of his ex. She caused endless trouble for us and I'd bin any picture of her but it's his life memories and he will want to look back one day I'm sure. I would never dream of worrying about them. I think this is a call to deal with your own worries and insecurities and not the picture. I say this kindly, sometimes we get prompts to do self work and this is about you not the picture or your partner.

autienotnaughty · 01/11/2022 05:44

Honestly not that deep. It's just a photo.

YRGAM · 01/11/2022 07:00

Absolutely ludicrous behaviour from you OP, sorry

NairobiGal · 01/11/2022 07:36

Non issue

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