Hidden photograph

[Gertrude86]

Backstory-
I have been with my partner for 3 and half years. He has a child with his ex partner who is getting married to her new partner next year.

I was looking through the office drawers for a policy for our house when at the bottom of the pile I found some photographs. These were special pictures like when he was a child and with his best mates. Then there was one larger one with his ex partner and all her family.

He has always said that since their split he doesn't get on with her family as he was the one to end the relationship.

He has never mentioned having this photo and it's a strange one to have and hide!

So..... I've on three occasions edged it to the end of the cupboard so their faces are clearly visible if you were to look in the drawers. I known shouldn't but just thought it would prompt him to either say something or get rid.

I'm just not sure what to make of it all.

My ex is a Class A dick. We were together for almost 2 decades and he did almost everything dodgy you could think of. It took years for me to reach a point where I could think of him without mentally swearing at him - or worse. Yet I have a couple of photos, one in particular from our wedding, with my (divorced) parents, the ex and me. It’s a brilliant photo. Honestly I have no idea what to do with it, I certainly don’t want it on display yet I won’t throw it. It’s too good and it was an excellent day. It’s face down in a corner of a shelf.

Every now and again I come across it and it reminds me of that day. It does not mean I pine for my ex. You’re being silly.

It's in a drawer in a living area of your home, what part of 'hidden' is that? Even if it was 'hidden' in a box marked 'old trainers' in the loft, so what? It's a few photos of his past. It's not like they're in his bedside drawer and he's looking at them every night before he sleeps.

Why would he 'tell you' about them? There's nothing TO tell. Just because you've repeatedly moved stuff in the drawer so they can be seen (majorly weird) even if he noticed them why would he talk about them?

you're acting very very oddly, not him.

id be more weirded out by someone who has no photos of their past.

You really shouldn't be with a man who has a child with another woman if you're so insecure that you're trying to pretend she and her family and his life before you don't exist.

Their lives will forever be entwined because she is the mother of his child. If you can't cope with that, walk away.

Come on OP, get some perspective and stop looking for trouble. It is not a 'hidden photo', it was a in a drawer with a pile of others. It is also a completely innocuous reminder of a significant and probably happy time in his life that he's moved on from but doesn't need to erase completely. Stop your weird 'edging' and hinting. Instead, try and understand why he might want to keep it, and why it's nothing that threatens you. If you carry on this way, you'll be a controlling partner.

If it was his ex in lingerie or nude I could understand but it’s a group photo and it’s HIS past. Stop being controlling.

You need to think about why you feel as you do. As everyone has said, this is not only unreasonable, it is very out of the ordinary to have this reaction to the situation. Your feelings are your feelings, but you need to give some thought to what is going on to make you have this reaction.

For perspective OP, I have lots of photos of my ex partner. Ones of us hugging, together after I'd given birth, at weddings, etc. They're also at the bottom of a drawer, because he is abusive and is not allowed to see our son due to the risk he poses. I have kept them because I want my son to be able to see photos of me and his dad together looking happy. I don't want him to think his dad was a shit 100% of the time. I don't want him to be scared of his dad. Sometimes we look at them and whilst he's not particularly interested, he might be one day. This is his child's family you're talking about. It is entirely reasonable for him to have a photo of them and actually would probably be reasonable for him to have one hung in the house somewhere for his child, even if it was just in the child's bedroom.

I still have my whole wedding album from my first wedding in a cupboard. Am I supposed to throw it away? It contains pictures of people who are no longer with us, including my grandparents, pictures of me and everyone else looking so young etc. It's a historical record. It doesn't mean I care a jot about XH.

You're being odd