Help me not text him

[Cinnamonroles]

Just hoping for some support here and realise how pathetic I sound. I separated from ex DH several years ago. The right decision but still very tough. About a year ago an old friend was in touch, and we slowly started a relationship. They were my best friend, and I felt positive that after a difficult marriage and separation we were building a future together. He promised me everything I wanted to hear, and I truly trusted him. Overnight he has ended things with me to return to his ex. He has broken my trust and hurt me, but I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of texting him, as much as I want to. Please help me get through my heartbreak without texting him, I don’t want to be the type of person who begs someone to be with me.

I'm so sorry.

Just remember you're worth more than this. He doesn't deserve you

His words mean nothing. Don't do the pick me dance

Practically speaking block and delete his number so you have no way of contacting him. Or if that freaks you out give his number to a friend then delete it. So you know the number exists somewhere but you don't have it.

Busy yourself. Do something that makes you happy. Or just chill. Whatever works for you. I like to keep busy. Fresh air and walks. Blast some music and have a boogie. Dog walks. Borrow a dog. Doggy cuddles. Anything to do with dogs. They are great therapists. Comedy box set. Massage. Nails. Fab dress that makes you feel top of the world. Hang out with a friend.

Whatever keeps you from moping and imagining what could have been. And know deep down it was never going to be. He promised you everything but let you down.

You had a lucky escape.

Make it so you CAN'T text him. Remove temptation. Block his number then delete it from your phone. Block on social media. Remove reminders of him from your life on and offline and it will give you chance to heal. I'm presuming you've not memorised his number?

Whatever you feel the need to say to him, say it here. It'll help get it out. When you look back at this time in a few months from now you'll be really proud of yourself you maintained your dignity and didn't message a man who so carelessly discarded you.

A stony silence is the most powerful move here. Any message you send can be twisted by him into telling himself he’s better off out of it. If he’s thinking of you at all, he will be far more bothered by a silence than any message you could send. He doesn’t deserve to know how you’re feeling. Silence is confusing, it says maybe you’re not bothered, maybe you’ve moved on, maybe you are respecting his space. Don’t message him.

Thank you so much for your kindness and support, and not making me feel like I’m being stupid here. Unfortunately I know his number off by heart, as it’s the same as when we were friends long ago. But I will resist messaging. You are absolutely right, any message can be twisted by him in to thinking he is better without me, and he’s made the right decision. I want him to miss me, and to feel a tiny bit of how I feel. We are used to talking all day long, and I think I probably was too dependent on our relationship. I am tempted to try OLD just as a distraction, but I was never brave enough when I separated from ex DH and I’m worried it will make me feel even worse about myself.

I’m going through exactly the same…… the temptation is horrendous but we got to stay strong here….. they don’t deserve us, we don’t need them….. you’re not alone xx

@giffyp I’m so sorry you’re also going through the same. I hope you can also find distraction here and use the thread if you want to talk about it. First thing in the morning is the worst for me, I’m used to waking up to a message which I know won’t be there now, but I still check my phone in hope.

Yes me too and evenings I’m used to the goodnight call, and morning message also, it such a horrible feeling I keep thinking of all the stuff we planned that won’t happen! X

"If he wanted to be here he WOULD be"
"If he wanted to be here he WOULD be"
"If he wanted to be here he WOULD be"

Repeat 50 times.

Also, do you really want to degrade yourself for someone who has put another woman above you? No, you don't.

It hurts like fuck. It will hurt ten times more if he rejects you twice xx

@Cinnamonroles @giffyp same here! It’s so hard not to message (I also know his number off by heart). Cmon ladies, we can do this! I’m two months in but made the mistake of staying in touch so that definitely set me back. Xx

There’s a really good thread here which might give you some inspiration to keep away from the send button:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

Thank you so much for continuing to make me feel like I’m not alone.
I absolutely know we’re worth more, as much as we want them and the broken future plans hurt now. I don’t ever want to feel second best, as much as I believe he does love me, it obviously wasn’t enough.
@Whatacrocof I’m so sorry you are as well. Did you decide to cut contact?
@giffyp I’m trying to take it one day at a time. Otherwise I get too upset thinking about the future. Just focussing on getting through one day at a time.

@Cinnamonroles i had to as we chatted off and on and when I called I got “what do you want” everything on his terms. 6 years and he is a cold heartless f@Coker so it was best for ME. Sending hugs x

@Whatacrocof that is awful, he doesn’t deserve your calls, and he will start to wonder why you aren’t calling and regret this.
I understand the everything on his terms, my ex left things like that and it ruins your confidence.

Sending u a virtual hug OP.