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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend of 6 months has asked me to move in with him…help!

50 replies

Stitchfab · 31/10/2022 12:17

We have been together since early summer. I have spent every weekend with him and during the week have been staying over and going to work, having dinner each night etc.

I currently live with my parents. He has asked me if I want to move in officially. Do you think 6 months is too soon? I’m 27 he’s 32. He has his own place.

I got stung in my last relationship being with someone for 6 years and when we finally moved in together we broke up within 6 months as we were not compatible, will never make that mistake again but at the same time don’t want to rush things.

opinions please!!

OP posts:
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 31/10/2022 12:18

What have you got to loose?

SleepingStandingUp · 31/10/2022 12:19

DH asked me to move in after two months. We got a place together at 4 months, engaged at 6 months, married a year later. Now been 10 years and three kids, no regrets.

How do YOU feel about living together?

What would the financial split be?
How much of the housework does he do when you're around?
Do you want to get married and have kids? DH knew I wouldn't move in unless marriage was on the cards and I wouldn't get engaged unless we were booking a wedding

PutYourShoesOnWereLate · 31/10/2022 12:21

What's he proposing in terms of rent, splitting bills, food shops, housework and cooking? Try to iron out the finer details so that you're both on the same page or else it's doomed to failure.

MintJulia · 31/10/2022 12:23

PutYourShoesOnWereLate · 31/10/2022 12:21

What's he proposing in terms of rent, splitting bills, food shops, housework and cooking? Try to iron out the finer details so that you're both on the same page or else it's doomed to failure.

This. Work out the detail and then you should be able to tell if he wants to be with you for you, or because he needs to share his bills, and since you are there half the time, it might as well be you.
Or something in between. 🙂

ToFindNewWays · 31/10/2022 12:25

Have you told each other you love each other?

Are you on the same page about marriage and kids?

Work out alllllll the financial details beforehand.

Then go for it 😊

Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2022 12:27

If there are no children involved and you have the financial resources to move out quickly should you need to, why not?

girlmom21 · 31/10/2022 12:35

I suppose it's best to find out if you can live together early on the waste another 6 years on someone you're not compatible with!

2bazookas · 31/10/2022 12:48

He has asked me if I want to move in

Only you know the answer to that. Nobody here does.

PaterPower · 31/10/2022 12:56

I don’t see what you have to lose, if your parents will have you back if it all goes pear-shaped?

I suppose there are financial implications as I would expect him to want you to contribute to the household expenses. Def get those sorts of details ironed out ahead of moving.

MzHz · 31/10/2022 12:58

If your initial reaction is Help, I’d say it’s too soon. Why not arrange to spend a week there, or 2 to see how you get on? Work out all the logistics and finances very clearly in any event so that it’s fair to both.

speak to your parents too, see what they think. There’s no rush love, if you think it’s something that you think might be something you want to do in the future, tell him that. Communication here is your friend.

ILoveCreamCrackersMe · 31/10/2022 13:03

Make sure you turn up with an official MN cohabitation document so you can divide up all chores and make an informed decision before you commit.

Make sure all scenarios and exceptions are fully documented. Leave no room for ambiguity. Remember it's not always the time spent on a chore, it's the effort to. Create a RACI scoring matrix. For example doing the weekly shop is relatively low effort but is time consuming, hosting the In-laws overnight is high effort and time consuming.

Alternatively, move in with him, if after a few months you think he's taking the piss or it's not as you imagined, move out. It's not hard.

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/10/2022 13:04

What was your immediate reaction when he asked you? Excitement or fear?

I agree you need to hammer out all the details, if you’re both on the same page it’ll be easy. Discuss everything and then see how you feel. If you’re not ready that’s absolutely fine!

Cm078 · 31/10/2022 13:42

My DP moved in with me after about 6 months, we bought a house after a year and got pregnant 3 months later. We now have a 2.5 year old and have just moved into our 2nd house.
You wont know unless you try is my answer, but if in any doubt then I'd say you're probably not ready 😊

Original poster
Stitchfab · 31/10/2022 14:15

Yes I have the financial backing to move out in case things go wrong. I’m very excited at the thought of moving in, as others have said I don’t want to waste another 6 years on the wrong person! It doesn’t feel rushed to me but I know by others standards 6 months is fast but we are both adults!

OP posts:
DarkNecessities · 31/10/2022 14:17

if you want to then do it:
time is irrelevant

MovingOnUpp · 31/10/2022 14:18

I asked my now DH of 27 years to move in with me after a month!

Hus837 · 31/10/2022 14:47

I would say have conversations now about what you both want in the future (kids, marriage / if / when) and also discuss the practicalities of the finances and how you'd organise it.

Be aware that if he has a mortgage he might be asking you to contribute towards that. If you ever split up in the future he would get to reap all the benefits of having paid down the mortgage, and any equity in the sale of the property would be his to keep, whereas you'd walk away with nothing to show for your monthly payments.

So be clear about how you're organising it all and educate yourself about your rights.

After all that, if you're still excited then go for it!

xfan · 31/10/2022 15:11

The stories where people moved in after 5 mins of knowing each other are quite rare, and most of the time it doesn't work out, you will get confirmation bias on this thread.Why didn't you see in your 6 year relationship that you are incompatible? How do you know this one is better than the last one?

Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2022 15:14

Have you talked about the future, not just vaguely, but seriously? If you want kids and marriage, does he 100% know this and want that, too? I would not move in if he's "well, maybe"-ing. If you are both on the same page, give it a try.

AlienatedChildGrown · 31/10/2022 15:17

NB: I admit I lean more towards the cynical end of the spectrum and this will affect my perception.

We’ve had a pandemic, a war, and Austerity On Steroids is on the way.

Since it’s only been six months my instinctive reactions is

A) He’s felt like life was on hold for too long and has been pandemiced/warred into a very “seize the moment” mindset, cos you don’t know what tomorrow may whack you with next.

B) See above, but the fuel is more about Austerity on Steroids looming. And it’s you or a housemate to help lower the pain of bills, rent, mortgage etc. You being a far nicer prospect than a stranger.

Personally I’d ask for a trial run period were you are a guest. Stay a week, home for a week, stay for 2 weeks back home for a week. Until you work your way up to a month, then a week or so off. Holding that pattern until both of you are completely sure the practice is as great as the theory. It’ll give you both a chance to feel the difference between living together and not. Work out which front door opening feels like relief, which front door you are exiting makes you feel a bit “ouuuf”.

In that period you both have the time to work through all the stuff people really should set out before they commit to each other. Because that’s the stuff that will decide if this has legs as a long term thing. Or one of you is sleepwalking into partnership that looks like it could implode under the stress of life stuff, world disaster stuff, kids, job loss, bereavements, illness etc.

It’s not that things can’t work out despite it happening very fast. I know several long term (20+ years) couples who got things off the ground quick smart. It’s just these are not normal times. And not normal times can make even “in more normal times” lovely people make less than ethical choices they wouldn’t have contemplated in different circumstances.

Turnaroundandigone · 31/10/2022 15:25

I moved in with my ex partners after 1 month and 6 months. Both relationships lasted about 10 years. I felt ready and happy both times though.

emptythelitterbox · 31/10/2022 15:27

As others have said, work out what moving in together means.

If you're interested in marriage and children, have that talk with him first and someday isn't an acceptable answer.

I wouldn't be moving in with someone if they didn't have concrete answers about marriage and children.

glassfully · 31/10/2022 15:32

I moved country (and hemisphere) for a man I'd only been with for 3 months. It didn't work out in the end but we had a happy 4 years together. The second man I moved in with was my DH when he bought a house a year and a half later. We would have lived together sooner but his flat was a 40 minute drive from my work and my house share was a 5 minute walk. We spent weekends at his place and most weekdays at mine.

RodiganReed · 31/10/2022 15:34

What would you want for your sister or best friend? Do that.

conversationsinthedark · 31/10/2022 15:38

Id have had my boyfriend move in after a week 🤣 we waited a year but I don't think we'd have had any issues if we'd have done it after six months. We are 7 months in to living with each other and had no issues so far comparability wise. Id say trust your gut and go for it! X