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Relationships

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Original poster

My boyfriend of 6 months has asked me to move in with him…help!

50 replies

Stitchfab · 31/10/2022 12:17

We have been together since early summer. I have spent every weekend with him and during the week have been staying over and going to work, having dinner each night etc.

I currently live with my parents. He has asked me if I want to move in officially. Do you think 6 months is too soon? I’m 27 he’s 32. He has his own place.

I got stung in my last relationship being with someone for 6 years and when we finally moved in together we broke up within 6 months as we were not compatible, will never make that mistake again but at the same time don’t want to rush things.

opinions please!!

OP posts:

MovingOnUpp · 31/10/2022 15:46

I think it’s less of a gamble if it’s your place and someone is moving in with you compared with the other way around. Would your parents be ok if you ended up having to move back in with them? Be careful not to get pregnant and end up
unmarried and in a home belonging to somebody else.
What do you feel like when you are a party from him, have you been on holidays together, if so how did they go? Have you ever lived on your own or with your friends? Do you want to live with him or is it more that you are flattered that he asked you?

gogohmm · 31/10/2022 16:38

How can we tell you. Do you feel it's right for you. I moved in after 4.5 months, as a grown adult without dependent children life is much easier

J0CASTA · 31/10/2022 17:04

Hus837 · 31/10/2022 14:47

I would say have conversations now about what you both want in the future (kids, marriage / if / when) and also discuss the practicalities of the finances and how you'd organise it.

Be aware that if he has a mortgage he might be asking you to contribute towards that. If you ever split up in the future he would get to reap all the benefits of having paid down the mortgage, and any equity in the sale of the property would be his to keep, whereas you'd walk away with nothing to show for your monthly payments.

So be clear about how you're organising it all and educate yourself about your rights.

After all that, if you're still excited then go for it!

This. You need to both be clear about what this means in terms of your relationship and how it’s going to work practically / financially.

If you can’t agree what’s fair upfront then it won’t happen miraculously over the next few months / years.

So many women move in and discover a whole stream of assumptions eg

I just assumed that he wanted to be exclusive / we would get engaged soon / he wanted to have kids some time in the next 5 years.

Many men seem to assume that she will pay half the bills ( including his mortgage ) and do most of the chores because he has a penis / earns more / has a physical job / works late / early / shifts / weekends / has hobbies .

I know one man in his 20s who asked his GF to move in because he wanted to get a dog and his job didn’t allow him to take the dog or come home at lunchtimes etc . Unlike a dog walker, the Gf doesn’t need paid, shares the bills and does most of the housework.

She thinks she has moved in because he is going to propose sometime soon.

OldFan · 31/10/2022 17:16

Far too soon. I'd say at least 18 months is best. And marriage, rather than cohabiting before marriage, has better results long term.

ChristmasJumpers · 31/10/2022 17:25

My DH moved in with me after about a month (but we were students so he moved into my uni halls)

We lived together throughout uni and have ever since. Engaged after 18 months, married after 4 years and now going strong in our forever home 10 years on with a baby on the way. Sometimes you just know 😊

I'd say if you're excited about it and have a back up if things don't work, you've got nothing to lose

1994girl · 31/10/2022 17:32

Far too soon.

Beancounter1 · 31/10/2022 20:32

It's not the length of time that matters - it is the amount and quality of the communications and discussions that is the deciding factor.

You need to find out:
Does he want marriage, and if so when?
How long does he think is a reasonable length of engagement?
Does he want children, and if so how many and when? And what would he envisage in terms of shared parental leave or funding your maternity, and sharing subsequent nursery fees?
Does he want you to pay 'rent' that will go towards his mortgage, or will you just share bills for now? When will he expect to be moving on from the initial arrangements to get a mortgage together?

Or if he doesn't have a mortgage, at what point will you be added to the tenancy agreement?
Will you be able to afford a mortgage together and if so when does he want to consider buying?
Is commuting a factor for either of you? Will either of you have the desire or need to move to another area in the foreseeable future?

If you don't feel comfortable raising all these issues for proper discussion, then it is too soon.

minticecreamisjustok · 31/10/2022 20:40

I don't think you know him well enough after 6 months, it's s new honeymoon phase, what if in a few months he starts behaving like a twat and you'll be glad not to have to move your stuff back out from his. I guess worst case you can move back home but it's not easy dealing with the break down of relationship because you rushed too quickly into it. your in it for the long term, waiting another 6 months to be sure isn't that long.
Why not just stay over his more often first just to get a feel for it.

crankyhousewife · 31/10/2022 20:51

I moved away from home after only six months, left my job and everything. 30 years later we're still going strong.

Fireflygal · 31/10/2022 21:16

Living together may shorten the honeymoom phase...just might be disappointing if you lose romance and end up washing his socks.

However, no children so I would say try it out. Discuss finances and don't rush children especially if you're not married.

PritiPatelsMaker · 31/10/2022 21:19

DH moved in with me after 6 months. Been married for 29 odd years, have 2 DC and are happy together (well when he's not driving me batty ).

If it feels right, do it.

Luana1 · 31/10/2022 21:24

13 years ago DH and I moved in together after 5 weeks and got married a year later, it's worked well for us. I'd say why not give it a go :)

Lili132 · 31/10/2022 21:24

All the stories about people moving in together after 2 months and getting married /having children after a year are pointless too be honest. Yes many people rush relationships and are lucky it works out well but there is no doubt that often it doesn't work. There is more risk of heartache and things going wrong if you introduce relationship milestones too early.

Nobody can tell you if 6 months is good timing or not it really depends on how well you know each other and how you feel about it. But there is no reason to jump into big decisions if you're not ready.

Sevenwondersofthewoo · 31/10/2022 22:08

Moved in within the six months mark but in hindsight I wish I hadn’t and waited as all he wanted was a live in mother for his kids now split but still see the kids strangely enough.

OldFan · 31/10/2022 23:46

Nobody can tell you if 6 months is good timing or not it really depends on how well you know each other

Except you can't know each other that well after only 6 months.

DramaAlpaca · 31/10/2022 23:52

Now DH and I moved in together after 6 months in 1988. Still happily together.

In-laws were married 6 months after meeting.

If it feels right, do it.

HeddaGarbled · 31/10/2022 23:54

6 months, you’re still in the honeymoon period. I’d give it another six months. Also, you’re neglecting your independence by spending pretty much all your time with him so early on in the relationship. You need to be spending time with friends and family and on your own as well, pursuing your independent interests. Don’t put all your eggs in his basket.

justasking111 · 01/11/2022 00:03

Tell him you're an old fashioned girl so he'll have to

PUT A RING 💍 ON IT

Unseelie · 01/11/2022 00:13

ToFindNewWays · 31/10/2022 12:25

Have you told each other you love each other?

Are you on the same page about marriage and kids?

Work out alllllll the financial details beforehand.

Then go for it 😊

This

Ofcourseshecan · 01/11/2022 00:45

I’d go for it, OP. You know and like each other so why not try living together? If it doesn’t work out, you haven’t lost anything. Just don’t get pregnant till you’re sure.

Hus837 · 01/11/2022 09:41

If it doesn’t work out, you haven’t lost anything.

I don't agree with this statement which I've seen a few posters saying. If it doesn't work out you have the horrible task of disentangling your lives, including finances. (See my comment about mortgage repayments up thread). You'd have lost potentially thousands of pounds whilst he gains. (Unless you think about this in advance of moving in).

It's also an emotionally horrendous situation splitting up when living together. (I've done it twice). You are arguing over who owns this and that, splitting the coffee table and trying to find somewhere else to live.

So I think there is something to lose if you go into it rushing, and if it doesn't work out.

Plan your joint financial arrangements, prepare the ground, communicate about your future with each other (kids etc) and organise household distribution of chores. It may not sound romantic but those are the things that could cause you to argue and split up. If you still feel committed after all that planning then hopefully it will work out!

glassfully · 01/11/2022 10:54

Lili132 · 31/10/2022 21:24

That's only true to a point. The OP was with a previous boyfriend for 6 years and after 6 months of living together it didn't work out.

mydogisthebest · 01/11/2022 11:06

I don't think it's too soon but then DH and I married 5 months after meeting. Celebrated our 42nd anniversary this year and are very happy and still very much in love. No children.

I was 25 and DH was 23. We saw each other every day from our first meeting, sometimes just for breakfast or lunch. DH worked shifts so wasn't around a lot of evenings.

I do think though, as others have said, you need to discuss how you are going to split bills. Also if one of you wants marriage eventually that has to be discussed too. The same is true of whether you want children or not

NotLactoseFree · 01/11/2022 11:25

I don't think timing is the issue so much as what you are working towards. Does he want you to move in because you both see a real future together, including marriage/children/whatever is important to you? Or does he want you to move in to make it official so that you actually start contributing rather than being a permanent guest?

If the former, go for it if you're both happy with whatever you decide re finances/chores/long term plans.

If the latter, think about making some kind of contribution considering you are practically living there anyway.

rainbowstardrops · 01/11/2022 12:18

It depends how it feels to you I suppose.
Do you think he's 'the one', or have you got any reservations about him?
Agree with others that if you do then you should sort everything out first.

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