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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex girlfriend "well you aren't married yet -so can't be that in love"?

29 replies

idonothookup · 30/10/2022 08:21

Me and my ex split two years ago (I won't bore you with the details ) it was my first female relationship and was very intense.
It ended with me telling her how lonely she was going to end up with her ways ...oh how wrong was I.
She met someone and engaged after 10 months and they got married 6 months later.
Now I've been with someone now for 14 months and we are really happy,moved in together a month ago and have a good life together so far.
My ex has started working at my place
We got in a conversation
And she already knew about my relationship (mutual friends)
She responds "oh well clearly not that serious if you aren't married yet-look at me 17 months later and we are married-I'm sure you will find your happiness eventually

Wtf ..how can she base her timeline on anybody else's .
I wouldn't want to be married in less than 2 years because it wouldn't be right for me
Why say this ?

OP posts:
PanicAtTheBigTesco · 30/10/2022 08:24

She sounds childish and like she is just trying to get in your head, ignore her and avoid her as much as possible from now on.

Ekátn · 30/10/2022 08:28

Well you obviously don’t think she is a good person if you think she will end up alone. Or at least she wasn’t a good person to you. So it shouldn’t shock you that she said something to you to put you and your relationship down.

Her getting married quickly, is no proof her relationship is better or more serious than yours.

and she still could end up alone. Or they could be together forever, but it’s not a reflection of your relationship or how good or serious it is.

I would suggest not chatting with her about personal things. Especially, relationships.

Some people jump in quickly and it works out. Some people don’t jump in quickly and it works out. Both can not work out.

RFPO77 · 30/10/2022 08:30

That's jealousy right there. At the end of the day she rushed into marriage with her rebound relationship and that rarely ends well. Sounds like you're doing it right i.e. waiting until you actually know someone before you commit. Just nod and smile and wait for the fireworks which will inevitably happen when she splits from the 'love of her life' 😂🤣

Dery · 30/10/2022 08:33

“Why?” is such a pointless question in these circumstances - she’s got some motive or other (probably to undermine what you’ve got now) but it doesn’t serve you at all to give headspace to what those motives are. You know this woman is bad news. Just leave her to it. Don’t give her power over you. You have a good relationship now - focus on what you have with your current partner.

FlakeySalt · 30/10/2022 08:34

Tit-for-tat.

You told her she’s never find someone else. She did and now she’s turning your own words back on you.

I don’t think what she said is any worse than what you said.

SequoiaTree · 30/10/2022 08:37

I think she remembers you saying how lonely she was going to end up with her ways. What she said wasn't as bad as that

Yesthatismychildsigh · 30/10/2022 08:38

She sounds immature. Tell her you’re not desperate so don’t feel the need to rush into anything. That’ll hit her buttons.

Snugglemonkey · 30/10/2022 08:42

Why give this any of your brain space? You don't like her. You don't think she has done things the right way. Why do you care what she thinks? Let anything she says float right over your head, her opinions are nothing to you.

Campervangirl · 30/10/2022 08:48

You left her with the stinger about how lonely she would end up.
She just sent her own stinger back.
It's the equivalent of sticking her tongue out, putting her thumbs in her ears whilst wriggling her fingers and saying "nah, nah, nah, nah" 😉
She's probably been waiting a while to rub her situation in your face, I wouldn't rise to it.
Be happy!❤️

blurer · 30/10/2022 08:48

SequoiaTree · 30/10/2022 08:37

I think she remembers you saying how lonely she was going to end up with her ways. What she said wasn't as bad as that

Exactly. You've told her she'd end up alone and she's making the point she's now married and you aren't

Original poster
idonothookup · 30/10/2022 09:40

She did something awful to me and all her ex's hence the you will end up lonely comment.
She's a narcissist /gas lighter etc
Promises all sorts then treats you like crap
That's the only reason I said that
My mum died and she was sleeping around and rubbing my nose in it

OP posts:
MzHz · 30/10/2022 09:47

<David Attenborough voice>

”and here, you see. A rare but clear sighting of the Smug Lesbian Married”

she’s just trying to hit you back with the worst she can think of. Your words stung her because it’s what she fears most.

be cordial, but put some distance and grey rock in your work relationship from now on.

You’re not friends, so don’t pretend to be. Just be colleagues and nothing more.

pictish · 30/10/2022 10:00

You know why…what’s more, it has worked as here you are, thinking about her and getting wound up.

Who gives a shit what she said. Her marriage won’t hold up any more than her previous relationships. Whatever.

whoknew123 · 30/10/2022 10:16

They're an ex for a reason, remember that plus I'd bet a pound to a penny they'll be separated and divorced first too. You do you X

DragonflyNights · 30/10/2022 10:29

She’s trying to win the ‘breakup wars’ - i.e who does ‘better’ after the split. You said she’d never find anyone and she went off and got married and was probably feeling smug about that. You then got into a new relationship where you’re happy so she feels her ‘point’ advantage from getting married slipping. Hence the comment.

Personally i’d expect this sort of reaction, given what you’ve said about her, and i’d be more interested in my own reaction - like why would that comment bother me. Maybe you too are engaging in the breakup war.

CarPoor · 30/10/2022 10:38

If she's a narcissist why are you surprised she made a jab at you?

You said she'd be lonely forever she's essentially saying "fuck you I'm not"

Just leave it. You are well shot of her. You've got a new relationship

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/10/2022 10:46

I’d look for another job. Does your current gf know how much head space you’re giving your ex?

I think I remember you posting before and getting upset your gf doesn’t want to marry you because you are in competition with your ex, and other couples you know who’ve been together less time.

If you want to be happy and make a go of this stop obsessing snout other people and focus on your own relationship and your own life.

You might not be ready to date seriously if you’re going to keep comparing with other couples, they’re irrelevant.

BEAM123 · 30/10/2022 10:51

She sounds like a horrible person, who always wants to look like she is one up on people, so don't be surprised that she made a nasty comment. Don't let it get under your skin, don't get into personal conversations with her. Nobody knows the end of the story yet, or how either of your new relationships will play out. She is just trying to piss you off. Women know exactly how to comment so it gets under someones skin. Don't give her the satisfaction of giving it a second thought.

Guavafish1 · 30/10/2022 10:53

FlakeySalt · 30/10/2022 08:34

Tit-for-tat.

You told her she’s never find someone else. She did and now she’s turning your own words back on you.

I don’t think what she said is any worse than what you said.

Agree

just stop talking to her

Looloo278 · 30/10/2022 11:08

She’s just being spiteful and childish. As a side note, I’ve been with my partner for 21 years, we have 2 children, a mortgage, bills and all the other things a married couple will have without actually being married 🤷🏼‍♀️

phoneeeehommmeee · 30/10/2022 13:13

If I think about it logically
We can't check in till 3pm
It will be getting dark earlier now..so how much am I even going to see anyway?

CheezePleeze · 30/10/2022 13:18

idonothookup · 30/10/2022 09:40

She did something awful to me and all her ex's hence the you will end up lonely comment.
She's a narcissist /gas lighter etc
Promises all sorts then treats you like crap
That's the only reason I said that
My mum died and she was sleeping around and rubbing my nose in it

You ask "Why say this?"

But really the question should be, why have you taken any notice and why are you letting it get to you?

You know she's a prick, so move on and stop paying attention to her words.

tickticksnooze · 30/10/2022 13:23

Why are you giving her headspace?

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 30/10/2022 13:23

PanicAtTheBigTesco · 30/10/2022 08:24

She sounds childish and like she is just trying to get in your head, ignore her and avoid her as much as possible from now on.

Did you dump her?

InFiveMins · 30/10/2022 13:33

Why do you even care OP? You've been split for a while, she's married, you're with someone else... you need to move on.

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