What do you think of this behaviour, is this good enough?

[Lostsoul62]

So I am a mother of 2 children a 1 year old and a 8 year old. I have partner of 5 years who is baby's father. I want to know if you think this behaviour is acceptable from the man who is supposed to love and care for you, I don't think he does due to his actions however he insists he is fine and there is nothing he is really doing wrong. I would like your thoughts on this

I was very ill and my gp were sending an ambulance for me as I couldn't breathe and my heart rate was extremely high. I was at home with the baby and called partner and he said he couldn't leave work as was too busy. He then proceeded to call his mother and ask her to come over, she agreed but was 2 hours away. Thankfully my friend came to my rescue. I was admitted and released after 24 Hours.
I called my partner and asked that he tidied our bedroom up as I was going straight there when I returned home on strict instructions from doctor's to rest and no stress.
I came home, he had literally made the bed, that was it! No clearing away clothes etc. (not alot but still). He takes this day off work to watch kids as I was in hospital .
Anyway I headed to bed and had a nap etc, he didn't come in once to ask how I was, could he get me anything. Nothing just looked after the 1 year old.

After our baby was put to bed sometime later I asked him to heat me up some soup and toast to which he immediately replied he wanted a shower, and did I really want toast as well..... I digress I was so pissed at being uncared for so I said I was just going to order a takeaway could he nip up the high street and collect it for me as I had no cash in house, he told me no just to call a few and get one that let me pay via card .

I said forget it just leave the bedroom please, well he stood and argued with me that it wasn't that bad to refuse to help and I only hAd a chest infection, he hadn't done anything wrong really.
I then packed his bag and put him out the house telling him he was stressing me when no need and he kept refusing to leave .

I need help i am currently quite unwe

Razzle your very clearly not a gp or consultant in any way so you can stop now but thank you for your concern dear.

Nope I’m no, you are correct

i have been however heavily involved in nhs data analysis and reporting

@Lostsoul62
To the poster who confirm how bad you feel with a chest infections yous are correct. Walking room to room is painful in itself. For context my heart beat was 146, I was given excellent care immediately anf I am grateful to the NHS. After 2 ecgs, monitored I a and e ward bed and then chest x-ray and finally in the emergency care ward. So please do not downplay my experience.

It’s not “downplaying your experience” to point out that a chest infection is in fact a mild illness. And I’m saying this from the perspective of a person who has had chest infections, bronchitis, pleurisy and pneumonia. A chest infection is equivalent to a head cold. Your context isn’t what you think it is. A heart beat of 146 is about the heart rate of a fifty year old waking their dogs, it’s not a high OMG Im dying heart rate. And given this description above, it confirms my suspicion that you were not admitted to hospital. You were simply in A&E for observation for around 24hrs total including wait times.

Why are people being so nasty to the OP? Does it make you feel better about your horrible personality when you belittle others or something?

Rapid heart rate and breathlessness in combination with infection is a red flag for sepsis.

Did they really say to rest in bed with a chest infection? Awful advice.

The GP sent her, she didn’t just turn up and demand tests. Plenty of people have lots of tests in hospital to rule out various conditions. If they are not all positive, it doesn’t mean you are not ill.
Chest infections can be fatal. If the hospital does tests and finds that you didn’t have a heart attack and don’t have TB or a tumour, that doesn’t mean you’re OK.

@Lostsoul62 No his behaviour wasn’t OK. It wouldn’t have killed him to get you a snack. I wouldn’t have had to ask, my husband would have asked me if I wanted anything and would have been happy to delay his shower for 10 minutes to do that small thing for me.

Men who get weird when their wives are ill are unpleasant. They don’t like the servant being unavailable.

It is very odd advice. When I was in hospital for a major operation, I was told to get up as much as possible, even though hooked up to things (and even though I felt like death) because spending too much time in bed increases your risk of developing a chest infection. So I'd have thought it was terrible advice for someone who already has one.

OP clearly feels unloved and neglected (which is something she needs to address with her OH, who may well be a knob), but this wasn't the best way to go about trying to get him to prove that he cares.

A resting heart rate of 146 is tachycardic. It is significant for a resting heart rate. I hope you are taking it easy OP and get plenty of cushions to prop you up so you are not lying too flat.

Ignore the ones sticking up for your partner and being nasty to you. Some women have a very low bar and accept bad behavior from men and some on here are disgruntled men pretending to be women.

You hear about men leaving their wives when she gets cancer. Yours is that type. Good you found out now.

I suspect this isn't his first act of selfishness.

Any normal person would have checked on you and asked if you were hungry or thirsty or needed something.

He didn't as that isn't how it works in his mind.

You're the one who is supposed to cook, clean, and take care of him. Not the other way around.
He was massively put out he had to do something for you and actually watch his own child.

Whether you have him back or not is up to you but at least you know how one sided things are.

Chest infections can be fatal

Er, no they cannot. If it a chest infection gets serious it develops into bronchitis. If is life threatening, the bronchitis has developed into pneumonia. A diagnosis of chest infection means that it is a mild infection and not fatal.

Ignore the ones sticking up for your partner and being nasty to you. Some women have a very low bar and accept bad behavior from men and some on here are disgruntled men pretending to be women.

Thats quite a reach. I don’t have a “low bar” nor am I a “man” I just have a low tolerance for juvenile drama llama behavior & exaggerations.

Any normal person would have checked on you and asked if you were hungry or thirsty or needed something.

Not since the OP specifically said she was going to bed to nap! It’s not normal to be waking up someone who has said they’re going to bed to sleep. It’s normal to let your partner know when you are awake…not sit in bed and wait for a knock on the door. Especially since you know he’s busy taking care of the kids.

No one is defending him. He clearly was wrong and should have come back from work, even if briefly. And should have been nicer to his W.

This, however, doesn’t give OP licence to behave like a spoilt princess. And she certainly should have not kicked him out - because she was in a strop. Without any concern for the well-being of her baby. All because she was ‘feeling uncared for’.
Mature grown ups don’t behave this way. Even if their partners weren’t on their best behaviour.

She then blamed her parents for being not caring enough when she was a child. As a tigger for her behaviour.
Yet - she sent her kids to her mother now.

And of course - the big question is - now what? Is she waiting for her H to come crawling back? Or are they going to have a proper conversation where both admit to their share of this mess.