I need an unbiased view - instagram messages

[platedate]

I am extremely anxious and just kinda beating myself up, so please go gentle on me.

If you were sent a screenshot from person A of their Instagram messages with person B, but person B had unsent everything (you can do that on Instagram), therefore it just looks like person A is talking to themselves, would it be worth the hassle or would they just look silly?

I engaged in sexting with someone, and am now regretting it. Both single, but the person in mind is a "lad's lad". The day after, I just got immense ick, regretted it and essentially removed all trace of my messages so it looks like he's talking to himself. I was so concerned he'd maybe send it to his friends, in a group chat or whatever (had this done to me by an ex), and I am an extremely private person so it just unnerves me.

I'd love a view from someone not involved, as my emotions are clouding this for me! We haven't spoke since, I just quietly unsent everything and removed him.

Is it someone you actually know or a random person? If you’d unsent then I don’t think he will bother showing anyone just his messages, what would be the point?

It would cross my mind that he’d maybe screen shotted before I’d unsent but there isn’t a lot you can do about that tbh. I’d probably change my settings to private for a bit though so his mates couldn’t see me & my posts.

Try not to overthink it, he may not have been contemplating showing anyone anyway.

I think it's probably because of what your ex did in the past and it makes you feel vulnerable. Now you know it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't engage with Sexting, men will try and pressure you, but you can just stop responding.

A lads lad type is going to be doing this with any woman he has a chance with, he'll be onto the next by now, so don't worry too much.

It's someone I know of online if that makes sense, someone I've spoke to on/off a few times but lives miles away from me. I actually was just a bit worried he might send it to someone on my list or something like that which is why I removed him, I've always been on private thankfully!

I have no idea what the point would be, just my anxiety getting the best of me sadly. Got a few things going on that are contributing, so just feel like I'm getting everything wrong/messing up atm, this one being the biggest one

Thank you @minticecreamisjustok !

Anyone?

I don't really know what you're asking sorry?

Erm. I think once they've read the message, even if you delete them your side they won't delete his side?
That's the case for WhatsApp at least.
Sorry OP

They will just look like he's talking to himself! Use snap chat for sexting. 😂

Well he could have screenshotted it all and live messaged it to all his mates

Unlikely though

Live and learn, don't send messages to people you don't know very well unless you'd be happy posting them publicly for all to see!

I think you're worrying over nothing. Just be conscious of it in future.

I really think he's unlikely to do anything OP, if he screenshotted what he's got he's going to look like he's had the world's saddest, loneliest wank, surely?

Sorry you had that experience with your ex, that must have been really horrible, and it's no wonder its left you anxious. However I don't believe most men would share sexting convos. Pics and vids - yes, sadly.

Sorry! Didn't word it right. I was asking, hypothetically, if someone sent you screenshots where the other person unsent everything like I did, so it was just their messages, would it look sad?

I'm trying to figure out if it wouldn't even be worth doing, hypothetically if he was to

Yes I would say this to a friend also, but because it's my situation I'm seeing it differently 😂

The worst part is I don't know why I'm getting myself worked up! Without being TMI, he was saying some incredibly submissive things that I'm almost positive he wouldn't want anyone to see (especially other men), but can never be too sure.

Unless you are married/in a relationship and this person is out to get you….
Or you are a public person of some sort - then maybe this chat would be of interest to someone.
But if you are none of that - really no one cares. There is so much free porn of any type anyone may ever want to see - that chats between Person A and B are really of no interest to anyone.

Plus - I hate it that women feel so bad and ashamed of their sexuality, even in this day and age.

You sexted. You felt normal human desires and talked about it with a potential sexual partner. There is absolutely NOTHING to be ashamed about.

I don't think this is something to worry about but you should probably take the time to work on your trust issues before doing anything similar, or just don't do sexting etc and make that your hard boundary.

Stop worrying.
A one sided conversation is not something that anyone is likely to share (specially if it is of a personal nature), and fewer people would want to read.

He wouldn’t bother sharing the whole conversation, let alone a one sided one. No one would give a fuck.

I'm not going to give my views of sexting, but I'm surprised that having an ex do something mean in the past that you'd repeat the same thing with someone else.

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron how do you mean? I'm confused.

@platedate

The @ImJustMadAboutSaffron is trying to judge and shame you for sexting. Your ex did something wrong - so why would you expose yourself again…. She says.

Similar to … if you wear something revealing, and get cat called - why aren’t you wearing a burka…

I guess this explains why women think their sexuality is dirty and needs to be suppressed and not shown. It starts with women judging other women.

Good post. Insightful and true.

"I'm an extremely private person"

Yet engaged in sexting - eurgh

A little bit of an oxymoron there.

Correct - it's out of character for me. Hence why I made this post, having anxiety after the fact!

Ignore @MMmomDD accusing me of shaming you. She's just trying to cause trouble.

I asked that because I've seen a friend do this stuff and the effect on her already fragile mental health has been terrible.

Also you had a bad experience before but repeated the same action. I wondered if you thought this was what's expected by men.

This is an overreaction and bringing in hyperbolic examples to generalise.

Wear what the hell you like, I do, cat calling is immature and shows the cat caller up to be sexist and thick.

Cat callers don't know you from Adam though and it's an entirely different situation. Too many women are pressured by guys to send naked pictures and engage in sex chat. I've seen it with a friend and with female students. And I've seen the tears and anxiety it causes. Many do it to "keep" the guy, thinking everyone does it now. They don't and shouldn't be pressured.

The OP says very late in the thread that sexting is out of character. This guy seems to have been a sex pest.