Opinions on men going away with friends when there are young children at home?

[Cacoatime]

Out of curiosity...
Wondering what the consensus is on men going away on city breaks with friends for big birthdays, long stag weekends, that sort of thing?

From my own perspective, we don't have an awful lot of disposable money, lone parenting is draining, I have no family close by and it's not just the once- it tends to be once a year for up to 5 days.

My friends are all absolutely fine with it when their husbands go and starting to wonder if I'm the only one who just thinks... FFS.

I've taken one 4 day mini break for myself in 8 years of parenting. Am I the odd one?

I don’t think it matters as long as:

a) you can afford it
b) you both have the same opportunities available

Neither me or my DH want to be away from our toddler yet so both turn down invitations (I’d only go if it were a sibling at the minute). When they are older we will reassess.

Theoretically it's fine but agree with all the other PP - there are time's its not appropriate. DS was really really hard, I had a bit of PND and quite frankly, I wouldn't have coped if DH was gone for more than one night, and even that was almost impossible. Now the DC are older, life is easier and I wouldn't have any problems with him being gone for a week... but we would never be able to justify that expense because money is much tighter now than it was then.

Also, it's totally equal around here. If I was off for a couple o nights and we could afford it, DH would be fine. There's absolutely no sense that only HE is allowed away for the weekend.

To be fair it's different if you have babies/toddlers. I can't really leave the eight months old and the five year old on the Xbox and give them an oven pizza. However one day, I look forward to that!

We haven't got family to take dc for us to have a break together, and going away gives us both a break and we both do it about once a year.

I think it's pretty 'normal' and entirely reasonable - so long as he wouldn't object if you did it of course. If you've chosen not to do the same, or if you just haven't had an opportunity, that isn't his fault.

Getting drunk every Saturday night and being useless on Sundays/ going away for a weekend once a month / spending half the weekend on hobbes - IMO those would be unreasonable when there are small children around. But a few days away once a year with friends? Nothing wrong with that.

Mine are older now but we've done it from babies - it's hard work when they are young but as long as it's equal I've never minded

I go away a lot more than DH , it was a much needed break especially when the DC were young. I suppose it depends on finances and friendship groups. I tried (and still do) to make it as cheap as possible.

It’s fine surely, mine has been away three times this year on his own, he also took our daughter away for a few nighta abroad on his own.

I tend not to, I have the opportunity if I want to go, but it isn’t something my friendship group tend to do, so I generally only go away with the smalls, or in rare occasions we both go away while the smalls are babysat by their uncle or grandma.

DH and I have done this since DT’s were babies. Spa weekends for me and golf for DH. We also did family holidays and holidays for just DH and I so everyone was happy.

Absolutely fine as long as equal opportunities are available to both and the parent in question funds it out of their own discretionary spend.

We do it equally here. DH tends to take it in one longer block and I take it in multiple weekends while the DC have been very small, but now they're both in school I can be away for longer blocks too.

A good first step would be telling DH it's turn about from now on. As finances are tight, that means you one year, him the next. You first! Book yourself something nice, see how he does parenting on his own for 5 days.

I don’t have a problem with it.
It’s healthy to spend time with friends.
Im going away next weekend for 3 nights. Can’t wait.

I don't think this thread quite went how the OP expected

hello @Cacoatime, I think if you do not have alot if disposable income, it is
totally reasonable and only fair to have any away time you do have, as a family.
Again thinking about disposable income, anything else would have to be decided
fairly. How old are your children?

I actually went away more than DH with friends but we did have the disposable income. But he worked overseas a lot for a few years and would tack a day or two on so it was all fair.