Boyfriend staying over 4 days a week

[BananaCocktails]

My boyfriend stays at mine 4 days a week
he is currently living with his mum whilst he sorts out a new place
he had to leave last place as landlord sold

i have 7 year old dd, he will buy meals for us ( not every day )cost of living Is high and I feel shifty for feeling like this but I want to tell him that although am very happy if he stays over he will have to contribute toward hot water (metered) and electric ( metered) as obviously his being here showering using appliances ect is costing more not to mention buying more in food such as milk bread tea bags coffee toothpaste and shower gel
he does buy some meals to cook but not every day he stays and of course he shouldn’t have to , however am finding am using extra cupboard ingredients to cook for 3 rather than 2
AIBU to ask for contribution, I don’t want him to move in as an not ready for that yet been together for a year

The very last sentence of the OP says they have been together a year.

Could you just clearly ask in a straightforward way for a contribution of £10 for each night he stays towards the extra cost of bills?
That way he can agree or decline, you'll then know what sort of man he is ( although how anyone can stay regularly at someone's house and not offer to contribute is beyond me)

Please don’t move a man you’ve been with for a year into your 7 year old daughter’s home.

The benefits question is relevant... and a responsible thing to ask

He would then be seen as contributing to the household ( which op wants) so could get her in trouble

And here we all are encouraging that.

She clearly says she doesn’t want him to move in!

Can there be any grown person these days who does not know about the recent price increases? Hope you get it sorted soon OP, but 4 days a week is rather a lot considering you say he's not living with you.

That is just about the worst advice. !
Next you will be telling the OP that having a live in partner is fine if you receive single parent benefits 'as long as it's only a few days a week'
It really isn't. ! and could land the OP with a significant fine and a criminal conviction..

At the moment the OP hasn't commented on any questions relating to benefits. Which is of course her prerogative. However IF she is claiming UC/HB/CT single person discount then she needs to be aware that the 'overnight' rule does not exist but the 'additional income into the household' absolutely does ... and it is this criteria that is applied to a prosecution .

Obviously if the OP doesn't claim any form of income related benefit. Then who lives with her is no one's business but hers. Although in her shoes I would just be straight. If you have a smart meter it's quite easy to estimate the difference between when he is there and when he is not to work out how much he should be contributing.

Hi all thank you for your replies
The contribution I would look for wouldn’t be anything that would affect my benefits
Contribution would be for bills rather than rent ( ie I’d ask for an extra £10 a week on the hot water meter , and extra £10 a week on the electric meter , and say an extra £10 toward food,) that’s £30
I work full time I get a small universal credit top up
I don’t imagine he is using more than £30 quid a week extra
if I was to charge him that I would call and ask them about it - if it What is to be a problem I would ask him to stay two or three days a week instead and him not contribute at all

How is having him living there for four nights a week not “moving in”?

Tell him he can stay over once a week, any more than that is really invading your personal space,

You say you don't want to love him in but he's there 4+ nights a week then you've as good as moved in a man you've been with for a year with your daughter. It seems quite soon for that?

move him in, not love him in, obviously!

Of course it is. You were on the other benfits/boyfriends threads weren't you?

If op is getting benefits and receives money for bills and rent etc it could well seem as if they are a couple for benefits purposes. That will cause a whole heap of trouble for the op. Of course it's relevant.

He's spending more than half a month there for free. Is he taking you out on dates or is he parked in front of your telly having his tea made?

Scale it right back. He can stay one night a week. The other nights tell him to come round after tea.

My sons partner is moving in with him in his flat that he’s just bought in a few weeks but will only be staying 4 nights a week as he can’t give up his job yet that’s in another town and it’s to far to commute

he is going to be pay £200 a month
difference is he will be moving the majority of his personal stuff in - clothes - plants

When he moves in properly he will probably be pay £450 -£500 for his share of bills / rent
but nothing towards the mortgage

Four nights a week is loads, he pretty much does live with you.

Thanks for all the advice Everyone I have said that he can stay between two and three nights a week tops No contributions
as for People concerned that he is staying over at my house after a year Not that I was asking about that in this thread that we have known him for a very long time as a friend before we got together
He does pay for some meals when we are here and he also pays for some meals out too he doesn’t scrounge of me

To be fair, if someone doesn't do the shop each week, they are hardly going to be aware of the amount everything has Increased by. It shocks me each time I go

FGS it’s nobody’s business whether the OP gets UC or not

I got a letter from council checking if I really was a single person as they’d seen movements !! God knows what or why !

anyway I confirmed that yes I’m single

but people ask as there is a real risk actually

but agree op rather than bring gifts a contribution to the extra elec and water and staples would be better

I am guesstimating it’s probably costing you easily £40~50 a week given todays pricing

Hi all,
This one's a bit of a zombie so we are going to close it now.